Mukti3

I feel so unhappy and ashamed of myself for getting in the predicament of being a slave to alcohol. I have one day abstinent and feel so alone and scared. I keep thinking I should have known better but when I think of all the loss and trauma that has occurred in my life it really shouldn't surprise me that I turned to alcohol. How in the world am I going to handle all of these painful emotions? I am a very spiritual person and have been praying a lot. Something tells me being consumed by shame is not going to help.....

Mountainmanbob

whipster

Part of your healing will be facing the past. I am so mad at myself for all the wasted time and that is something that can't be replaced. All of us here have had the same self loathing, you have to recognize what you have done and decide life is worth enjoying from now on without being intoxicated.

Anna

Welcome, and no being consumed by shame will not help and can easily harm. It was getting past those initial feelings of self-loathing that was the hardest thing for me. And, I kept turning back to wine. Please know that you can get through this and you must get through this. Be kind to yourself.

This quote from the amazing Maya Angelou is one of my favorites:

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better."

misterritter

I understand the feelings of shame and unhappiness. I am sure most everyone on this forum does, and that fact that it and organizations like aa and rational recovery exist show that you are not alone.

Sounds like you could really benefit from some support from other people in the same situation. This forum can be a great form of support.

Something I have realized is that the only way for me to not feel ashamed and unhappy and weak is to not drink. I feel bad and then drink to make the bad feelings go away and then the next day I feel even worse and repeat.

As you begin to learn and talk to other people in the same situation, I think you will be able to cut yourself a little slack. Good luck to you.

JimdiGriz

Hi Mukti3- sorry that youre feeling like that, but you're not alone and many people here will feel as you do. Often all I want is for someone to reach out, give a hug(virtualor otherwise) and say 'its ok, we know, we understand'.Try to put all those 'shoulds' in a soft box somewhere,and look at them another day

Thinking we 'should' have behaved in some way often puts a real pressure into the mind, that we will try to calm or medicate by drinking! Its a spiral, heading down. You did what you did for a reason, and now you can do something else.

something that I have been meditating on is the saying that alcohol will take away everything you value- I feel we have to look further and be sensitive to the things we havent even been allowed to experience yet because of alcohol- pride,pleasure, self respect, security, calm, self possession. Ive had flashes of these, and increased sobriety strengthens these feelings- they in turn will help when dealing with the harder emotions

Nonsensical

Most of us have had these feelings. They are nearly as big a waste of time as being drunk, UNLESS....

you make them the fuel that propels you free of your addiction.

Independence Day could take on a whole new meaning for you.

Best of luck!

least

to SR! I had those feelings of shame also. The longer I stayed sober, the less they became. After a while they were gone. Keep at it.

Jsober

Yes those feelings can't help much now. They are in the past. You can shape the now and the future to be different.

GymJunkie

I tell myself that those feeling were caused by alcohol. The only way to escape them is to free myself from the hold alcohol had over me.

Let yourself feel proud for deciding to stop, and allow yourself to feel excited about your FREE future, and very thing you can achieve when you're no longer a slave to drink.

2granddaughters

You aren't a bad person, you are a sick person.

If you are a spiritual person you will find a great program of recovery in Alcoholics Anonymous. I did.

All the best.

Bob R

thekl0wn

You can't change the past. I can't change it either. Non of us here can change the past. However, we can all change our futures. And it sounds like you're on your way to making yours brighter!

Hevyn

Welcome Mukti. So glad you are here with us.

I allowed feelings of guilt and remorse to send me back to drinking many times. We need to get past the blaming ourselves stage so we can begin to live again in a normal way. The regrets will fade in time. I let alcohol rule my whole life. I finally got out of the trap and learned to face things with a clear head. Drinking never gives us the relief we're seeking. We may be numb and foggy for a while, but the problems are still there when we 'come to' - and nothing has been resolved. You'll be much happier when you get free of it. We know you can do it!

Invictus19

Hi Mukti,

I am pretty fresh into sobriety too. I also have my moments where I am scared and feel alone. Today was one of them. But over the past 9 days I also have had moments of hope and excitement for how much better my life is and will be without booze.

Keep posting here and listen to all of the great people - newbies and vets. The advice I have received here has helped me a great deal. AA meetings too.

Take care

Dee74

Mukti - try and relax.
Drunk or sober all we can do is live our love one day at a time

you're better off sober...and in time you'll find that dealing with thing sober will change you, you will grow and things you might see as immutable now will in fact change and grow with you

Noone would stay in recovery if they thought they were worse off - give it time

D

ckoures

Hi and I wish you nothing but strength.

Shame has killed my plans more than once. Shame over everything. Good God... who would wish that kind of feeling on anyone. But I guarantee, drinking to forget how filled with shame you are, does nothing but create more shame. And more and more.

Acheleus

Just try and think of one of your friends, would you let them hate themselves and stew in misery? No! You would encourage them to be strong and think of their good qualities and talents. Not drinking for 35 days has taught me that I have to change the way I think because I hate myself. But others do not see us the way we see us. I hope you can find support on SR. Believe in yourself!!