Obsession014

I've posted on this website once and have gotten a lot of valuable support and information on here, from complete strangers. I am back once again. My situation has escalated and gotten worse. Like many of you said or thought it would... My boyfriend, who shoots heroin and crack/cocaine, or should I say used to. He currently violated parole, 3 days before my birthday. He has to spend a week or two in county jail and then moving to state prison for a rehab program. What I am afraid of is what happens when he comes home? He tells me he wants to change and do things right, which I know everyone tells me to run, I cannot abandon the love of my life especially during his darkest days. Even though I am miserable, I just cannot do that to the love of my life. I really believe he can change and I am thankful he's getting the help he needs. I just hope things change. It's crazy he was on parole for a year and a half before he violated and it all happened within a month of him starting to shoot heroin. Drugs are a horrible thing, what I want to know is how all you mothers do it? Do you still talk to your son/daughter who is an addict? I'm just looking at my current situation and wondering what others do, even though this is my boyfriend I'm speaking of. Thanks all for listening. <3

lilyB2013

I'm so sorry you're having to experience all of this.

Having your boyfriend go through a rehab facility should be seen as a blessing in disguise. Granted, yes, against his wishes more than likely, but it's a positive step for him rather than not. I think the "what about after?" question is all on your shoulders-- what can YOU do to be prepared for the future? What can you do to become stronger, FOR YOU?

I highly encourage seeking out a program for support during the time he's away- if you haven't all ready. Hearing everyone else's stories and expressing your feelings will make you better prepared to take actions to protect yourself- emotionally, physically, etc.

AnvilheadII

if I recall you met him when he was just out of prison. using. then went to a 10 month rehab. got out used again. now going back to lockup. so he is right back where he was before you met.

you also said you have done everything for him. and yet, he still used.

you can't stop that. you can't talk him out of it. or scold him as if he was a child. you say YOU believe he can change but what EVIDENCE do you have of that? did he get a job, support himself, repay his debts, become a responsible productive member of society?

there are some who actually do a better in a controlled environment...like prison...or long term rehab...where they are told what to do, when to do it, what to wear, where to go, when to go to bed, when to get up, when to eat. these types do not DO well in the real world.....they just aren't capable (able, willing, whatever) to make a right decision to save their souls. and back to prison they go.

I see very clearly how much YOU give, but i''m not seeing where he does anything but take, and take advantage, a go back to dope. your love and caring hasn't made a whit of difference....except to further make you despondent and bereft.

Justfor1

My heroin addict cousin has been in and out of prison for decades. He actually told me once he feels "out of place" in the real world. He's scared of job interviews but not maximum State prison or buying dope on the West side of Chicago. It's possible that your boyfriend is getting use to being incarcerated.

eveewonder

Justfor1 you are absolutely right that people can become institutionalized. Society doesn't do a good job at all of helping people reintegrate into society.

Justfor1

I don't believe it happens quickly but eventually some people over time do get "institutionalized". Jails and prison accept everyone. The only requirement is to break the law. Having been incarcerated before, myself, I will say that it is an alternative society where up is down and wrong is right.