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My brother died today

Old 01-01-2008, 08:15 PM
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Unhappy My brother died today

Hi all,

I was here awhile ago, and you all were so helpful in helping me find treatment for my brother, Paul. Paul was 34 years old. Through you, I discovered Salvation Army, and with that along with other centers, my brother was clean and sober for over a year.

Until yesterday.

He was doing well. Working, going to meetings, back to living with my parents, but that's ok. They were trying to help him get back on his feet, and as long as he was clean, he was allowed to stay. He went to a meeting (my dad dropped him off), and he took the bus home. My kids were supposed to spend the night at my parents' house, and Paul was looking forward to seeing them and spending time. My mom even bought the dinner he wanted, and they were planning a fun night.

Instead, he went up to the bathroom, shot heroin and overdosed. My parents were home. My mom found him (once they were able to open the door to the bathroom - it was locked). He was blue. He was down for 20-25 minutes, yet they were able to resuscitate him. He was on life support and today was declared brain dead. The only positive we are able to garner at this point is that he will be able to be an organ donor.

I didn't go to sleep until 7:00 this morning. I talked to my husband, and we figured that I should be the one to eulogize him. I wrote this last night. Still needs some work, but you get the gist.

==========
He was a man of few words, but was still a son, a brother, an uncle. Still loved. Still counted. A life. Still meaningful.

Many discount the lives of those lost as a result of addiction. You hear things like, "We figured this would happen" or contemplate the "could have beens". Focus is placed upon the path to death vs. the goodness in the life. In every life there is goodness. In Paul's life there was goodness.

Paul was kind. Never mean-spirited or intentionally hurtful. As a child he was always "the thoughtful one."

He loved his niece and nephews. Always had time to play with them.

He was a son, loved dearly by his parents who refused to give up on him. Who stuck by him when others would have given up in the name of self-preservation. Their faith in God sustained them in this hope, just as we now hope for Paul to finally have the true peace he never experienced in this life on earth.

He was a kind soul, but a tortured soul, battling against a demon he was unable to tame despite years of trying.

We know now that perhaps the addiction beat him in this life, but God triumphs in the next life. Paul is now at peace.
===============
I'm not finished just yet, but I think this captures the feeling I want to convey. Especially the part about his life being minimalized since he was an addict. Anything anyone can provide is appreciated - poems, words of wisdom, advice, anyone who has btdt.

I became an only child today. And watching a parent experience the loss of a child is just the worst thing ever. I have seen my dad cry maybe twice in my lifetime, and this is just crushing.

As a side note, we all believe that his overdose was accidental. Just felt like I needed to say that. I think since he had been clean for so long, his body lacked the "drug tolerance" it once had and couldn't handle it.

His visitation will be Friday. Funeral on Saturday. I can't even tell you what day of the week it is right now. I'm thankful that we have a lot of extended family and friends to support us. It's going to be one hell of a week.

Thanks for listening. Thanks for helping when I asked. I'm grateful that we had some months of sobriety and positive memories preceeding this horrible tragedy.

God bless,
Jenny
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Old 01-01-2008, 08:18 PM
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God Bless Jenny
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Old 01-01-2008, 08:19 PM
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I don't have the words. That was beautiful.

You have my deepest sympathy. You and your family are in my thoughts.
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Old 01-01-2008, 08:20 PM
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i am so very sorry for your lose. you words we're beautiful and well written. my prayers to your and your family
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Old 01-01-2008, 08:22 PM
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Jenny, I'm so very sorry about your brother. Your words about him are beautiful. Treasure the good memories and keep the faith Paul is at peace now. Sending prayers for you and your family.
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Old 01-01-2008, 08:27 PM
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(((Jenny))))

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this difficult time.
I'm so sorry for your loss...

Your eulogy is beautiful....And a tribute to the man Paul is...
For Paul is with you all, each time you speak of him, share stories of him with each other and with friends, Paul lives on, in your hearts and souls.

G*D's blessings on you all.
And may he rest in peace.

Shalom!
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Old 01-01-2008, 08:28 PM
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Jenny, So sorry about your brother. Prayers for your family, you and him. Your words are beautiful. Hugs, Marle
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Old 01-01-2008, 08:32 PM
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So sorry for your loss.
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Old 01-01-2008, 08:37 PM
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OH Jenny,
I am so sorry for your loss. Your eulogy is beautiful. It sounds like Paul touched a lot of lives, and you'll be able touch even more with that beautiful eulogy.

One day at a time will work for you, too. That's how many people are able to handle incredible tragedies in their life.

Hugs and prayers,
Cats
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Old 01-01-2008, 08:38 PM
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Jenny,
So sorry for the loss of your brother, Paul.
There just aren't words to convey my sadness to you.

The eulogy is beautiful, and your affection for your brother shines through.




God bless you, and your family....
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Old 01-01-2008, 08:43 PM
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Jenny,

Your story touched my heart. Thank you for sharing such a personal and painful experience with us in such a positive manner. I wish I could help with the pain you must be experiencing right now. You have shown in your post what a resilant, positive person you are. Your brother was fortunate to have you in his life. The eulogy your wrote was well written.

The disease of addiction is so destructive not only to those with the addiction but to the family and friends of those people. I am so grateful for what ever helped me to finally recognize the damage my addiction was doing to those that love me which led me to seek sobriety. By the grace of God I will be sober 7 years this March.

My best friend lost her brother to the disease of alcoholism before she was a year sober. She will have 9 years this June. The loss was devasting for her as I imagine the loss of your brother has been for you. Just last week I changed my avatar to a wolf and posted it in memory and honor of her brother and all those that have not survived the disease of addiction.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers and I will think of your brother just as I think of hers each time I post with the hope that my post will somehow help someone find a solution to their addiction before it takes another life. Take care. Thank you again for sharing your heartache with us.

Judith
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Old 01-01-2008, 08:55 PM
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Post In Memory of Our Loved Ones

In Memory

We have all lost a friend today

One that we all wish

was never taken from us this way

But god thought it was their time to leave

Ans now this is the moment

For us their friends and family to grieve

We keep asking ourselves why

Why do the good die young?

Why don't we ever get a warning

To when our day will come?

We were all just having birthdays and having so much fun

Tell us why you had to take them

I mean our lives have just begun

It hurts so much to think

That they are no longer here

When we keep seeing their face

Through each falling tear

Now knowing that their memory will never disappear

Although we keep pleading that this tragic ordeal

Is anything but real

We are demanding the pain we feel

Of our hearts breaking and tearing from the seams

To somehow just be one heart rendering bad dream

Though as we awaken and realize it is not

We can remember the good times we had with them

And forget about the times we all fought

There for please cherish all the memories

And never forget their laugh

Because we all have a piece of them with in us

And that is how the love they had

For everyone will forever last

We hope that you knew

How many people truly cared about you

And that in your passing you have taught us

That we should always stand tall

And that we have to try to make the best of it all

Hopefully through this tragedy we all will wake up & see

That life can be short and taken from us so easily

You all truly will be missed by so many

We are grateful for knowing you

And lucky to have been part of your lives

We know that Heaven's gates

Have been opened up for you

The Angel's have given you your wings

So that you all may watch over us

And push us so we may strive to do better things



A poem written by Elizabeth Mooney

This is a poem I wrote after one of my dear friends lost his battle to addiction. I hope that it may help in some way. I am here if you need anything please message me I am always here to help.
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Old 01-01-2008, 08:56 PM
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I'm so sorry for your loss, Jenny.
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Old 01-01-2008, 09:04 PM
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**{Jenny}}
What you have written to honor your brother is more than perfect.
I love how you have chosen to honor his life and give dignity to his spirit.
I hope you will stick around and please remember that there are so many people here who care about you.
Prayers for comfort and peace for you and your family during this sad time.
cmc
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Old 01-01-2008, 09:13 PM
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I am thinking of you and your family during this difficult time. God Bless
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Old 01-01-2008, 09:14 PM
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you and your family will be in my prayers and thoughts
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Old 01-01-2008, 09:21 PM
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I am so sorry

My son just lost a friend of his the same way. And he was only 25 years old. My first husband lost his life to drinking.

It was so wonderful that you wrote out the good things about him. Because he was a person, not just a addicted person. I wish everyone seen it like you because I am one of those people.
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Old 01-01-2008, 09:21 PM
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my heart breaks for your family. how you must all have loved him. there is much good you can do in this world in his honor and memory....just remembering his gentleness and carrying that on will keep him with you. but that is for the future. for now, i am so sorry for your devastation. do what you can to support your heart through this, and reach for love. he sounds like such a good soul. he would want you to find comfort and peace. just reach for love.
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Old 01-01-2008, 09:22 PM
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Jenny, I am so sorry you lost your brother. What you have written about him so far is beautiful; your love for him shines through. I hope in time memories of times you shared will provide comfort. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Your brother is at peace.
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Old 01-01-2008, 09:42 PM
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I am sorry for your loss.

I spoke at my nephews funeral a few years ago.
Died from overdose. Because of the past few years before he died, it seemed to be what was on everyones mind.

I remined the family in my talk that that is what he did, but that is not who he was.

I spoke about him as a kid and who he was.

I wish you peace in the days to come.
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