My brother died today
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 13
My brother died today
Hi all,
I was here awhile ago, and you all were so helpful in helping me find treatment for my brother, Paul. Paul was 34 years old. Through you, I discovered Salvation Army, and with that along with other centers, my brother was clean and sober for over a year.
Until yesterday.
He was doing well. Working, going to meetings, back to living with my parents, but that's ok. They were trying to help him get back on his feet, and as long as he was clean, he was allowed to stay. He went to a meeting (my dad dropped him off), and he took the bus home. My kids were supposed to spend the night at my parents' house, and Paul was looking forward to seeing them and spending time. My mom even bought the dinner he wanted, and they were planning a fun night.
Instead, he went up to the bathroom, shot heroin and overdosed. My parents were home. My mom found him (once they were able to open the door to the bathroom - it was locked). He was blue. He was down for 20-25 minutes, yet they were able to resuscitate him. He was on life support and today was declared brain dead. The only positive we are able to garner at this point is that he will be able to be an organ donor.
I didn't go to sleep until 7:00 this morning. I talked to my husband, and we figured that I should be the one to eulogize him. I wrote this last night. Still needs some work, but you get the gist.
==========
He was a man of few words, but was still a son, a brother, an uncle. Still loved. Still counted. A life. Still meaningful.
Many discount the lives of those lost as a result of addiction. You hear things like, "We figured this would happen" or contemplate the "could have beens". Focus is placed upon the path to death vs. the goodness in the life. In every life there is goodness. In Paul's life there was goodness.
Paul was kind. Never mean-spirited or intentionally hurtful. As a child he was always "the thoughtful one."
He loved his niece and nephews. Always had time to play with them.
He was a son, loved dearly by his parents who refused to give up on him. Who stuck by him when others would have given up in the name of self-preservation. Their faith in God sustained them in this hope, just as we now hope for Paul to finally have the true peace he never experienced in this life on earth.
He was a kind soul, but a tortured soul, battling against a demon he was unable to tame despite years of trying.
We know now that perhaps the addiction beat him in this life, but God triumphs in the next life. Paul is now at peace.
===============
I'm not finished just yet, but I think this captures the feeling I want to convey. Especially the part about his life being minimalized since he was an addict. Anything anyone can provide is appreciated - poems, words of wisdom, advice, anyone who has btdt.
I became an only child today. And watching a parent experience the loss of a child is just the worst thing ever. I have seen my dad cry maybe twice in my lifetime, and this is just crushing.
As a side note, we all believe that his overdose was accidental. Just felt like I needed to say that. I think since he had been clean for so long, his body lacked the "drug tolerance" it once had and couldn't handle it.
His visitation will be Friday. Funeral on Saturday. I can't even tell you what day of the week it is right now. I'm thankful that we have a lot of extended family and friends to support us. It's going to be one hell of a week.
Thanks for listening. Thanks for helping when I asked. I'm grateful that we had some months of sobriety and positive memories preceeding this horrible tragedy.
God bless,
Jenny
I was here awhile ago, and you all were so helpful in helping me find treatment for my brother, Paul. Paul was 34 years old. Through you, I discovered Salvation Army, and with that along with other centers, my brother was clean and sober for over a year.
Until yesterday.
He was doing well. Working, going to meetings, back to living with my parents, but that's ok. They were trying to help him get back on his feet, and as long as he was clean, he was allowed to stay. He went to a meeting (my dad dropped him off), and he took the bus home. My kids were supposed to spend the night at my parents' house, and Paul was looking forward to seeing them and spending time. My mom even bought the dinner he wanted, and they were planning a fun night.
Instead, he went up to the bathroom, shot heroin and overdosed. My parents were home. My mom found him (once they were able to open the door to the bathroom - it was locked). He was blue. He was down for 20-25 minutes, yet they were able to resuscitate him. He was on life support and today was declared brain dead. The only positive we are able to garner at this point is that he will be able to be an organ donor.
I didn't go to sleep until 7:00 this morning. I talked to my husband, and we figured that I should be the one to eulogize him. I wrote this last night. Still needs some work, but you get the gist.
==========
He was a man of few words, but was still a son, a brother, an uncle. Still loved. Still counted. A life. Still meaningful.
Many discount the lives of those lost as a result of addiction. You hear things like, "We figured this would happen" or contemplate the "could have beens". Focus is placed upon the path to death vs. the goodness in the life. In every life there is goodness. In Paul's life there was goodness.
Paul was kind. Never mean-spirited or intentionally hurtful. As a child he was always "the thoughtful one."
He loved his niece and nephews. Always had time to play with them.
He was a son, loved dearly by his parents who refused to give up on him. Who stuck by him when others would have given up in the name of self-preservation. Their faith in God sustained them in this hope, just as we now hope for Paul to finally have the true peace he never experienced in this life on earth.
He was a kind soul, but a tortured soul, battling against a demon he was unable to tame despite years of trying.
We know now that perhaps the addiction beat him in this life, but God triumphs in the next life. Paul is now at peace.
===============
I'm not finished just yet, but I think this captures the feeling I want to convey. Especially the part about his life being minimalized since he was an addict. Anything anyone can provide is appreciated - poems, words of wisdom, advice, anyone who has btdt.
I became an only child today. And watching a parent experience the loss of a child is just the worst thing ever. I have seen my dad cry maybe twice in my lifetime, and this is just crushing.
As a side note, we all believe that his overdose was accidental. Just felt like I needed to say that. I think since he had been clean for so long, his body lacked the "drug tolerance" it once had and couldn't handle it.
His visitation will be Friday. Funeral on Saturday. I can't even tell you what day of the week it is right now. I'm thankful that we have a lot of extended family and friends to support us. It's going to be one hell of a week.
Thanks for listening. Thanks for helping when I asked. I'm grateful that we had some months of sobriety and positive memories preceeding this horrible tragedy.
God bless,
Jenny
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Wishin' I was on the Beach!
Posts: 1,415
Jenny, I'm so very sorry about your brother. Your words about him are beautiful. Treasure the good memories and keep the faith Paul is at peace now. Sending prayers for you and your family.
To Life!
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
(((Jenny))))
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this difficult time.
I'm so sorry for your loss...
Your eulogy is beautiful....And a tribute to the man Paul is...
For Paul is with you all, each time you speak of him, share stories of him with each other and with friends, Paul lives on, in your hearts and souls.
G*D's blessings on you all.
And may he rest in peace.
Shalom!
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this difficult time.
I'm so sorry for your loss...
Your eulogy is beautiful....And a tribute to the man Paul is...
For Paul is with you all, each time you speak of him, share stories of him with each other and with friends, Paul lives on, in your hearts and souls.
G*D's blessings on you all.
And may he rest in peace.
Shalom!
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
OH Jenny,
I am so sorry for your loss. Your eulogy is beautiful. It sounds like Paul touched a lot of lives, and you'll be able touch even more with that beautiful eulogy.
One day at a time will work for you, too. That's how many people are able to handle incredible tragedies in their life.
Hugs and prayers,
Cats
I am so sorry for your loss. Your eulogy is beautiful. It sounds like Paul touched a lot of lives, and you'll be able touch even more with that beautiful eulogy.
One day at a time will work for you, too. That's how many people are able to handle incredible tragedies in their life.
Hugs and prayers,
Cats
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
Jenny,
So sorry for the loss of your brother, Paul.
There just aren't words to convey my sadness to you.
The eulogy is beautiful, and your affection for your brother shines through.
God bless you, and your family....
So sorry for the loss of your brother, Paul.
There just aren't words to convey my sadness to you.
The eulogy is beautiful, and your affection for your brother shines through.
God bless you, and your family....
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
Jenny,
Your story touched my heart. Thank you for sharing such a personal and painful experience with us in such a positive manner. I wish I could help with the pain you must be experiencing right now. You have shown in your post what a resilant, positive person you are. Your brother was fortunate to have you in his life. The eulogy your wrote was well written.
The disease of addiction is so destructive not only to those with the addiction but to the family and friends of those people. I am so grateful for what ever helped me to finally recognize the damage my addiction was doing to those that love me which led me to seek sobriety. By the grace of God I will be sober 7 years this March.
My best friend lost her brother to the disease of alcoholism before she was a year sober. She will have 9 years this June. The loss was devasting for her as I imagine the loss of your brother has been for you. Just last week I changed my avatar to a wolf and posted it in memory and honor of her brother and all those that have not survived the disease of addiction.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers and I will think of your brother just as I think of hers each time I post with the hope that my post will somehow help someone find a solution to their addiction before it takes another life. Take care. Thank you again for sharing your heartache with us.
Judith
Your story touched my heart. Thank you for sharing such a personal and painful experience with us in such a positive manner. I wish I could help with the pain you must be experiencing right now. You have shown in your post what a resilant, positive person you are. Your brother was fortunate to have you in his life. The eulogy your wrote was well written.
The disease of addiction is so destructive not only to those with the addiction but to the family and friends of those people. I am so grateful for what ever helped me to finally recognize the damage my addiction was doing to those that love me which led me to seek sobriety. By the grace of God I will be sober 7 years this March.
My best friend lost her brother to the disease of alcoholism before she was a year sober. She will have 9 years this June. The loss was devasting for her as I imagine the loss of your brother has been for you. Just last week I changed my avatar to a wolf and posted it in memory and honor of her brother and all those that have not survived the disease of addiction.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers and I will think of your brother just as I think of hers each time I post with the hope that my post will somehow help someone find a solution to their addiction before it takes another life. Take care. Thank you again for sharing your heartache with us.
Judith
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: The Bean
Posts: 11
In Memory of Our Loved Ones
In Memory
We have all lost a friend today
One that we all wish
was never taken from us this way
But god thought it was their time to leave
Ans now this is the moment
For us their friends and family to grieve
We keep asking ourselves why
Why do the good die young?
Why don't we ever get a warning
To when our day will come?
We were all just having birthdays and having so much fun
Tell us why you had to take them
I mean our lives have just begun
It hurts so much to think
That they are no longer here
When we keep seeing their face
Through each falling tear
Now knowing that their memory will never disappear
Although we keep pleading that this tragic ordeal
Is anything but real
We are demanding the pain we feel
Of our hearts breaking and tearing from the seams
To somehow just be one heart rendering bad dream
Though as we awaken and realize it is not
We can remember the good times we had with them
And forget about the times we all fought
There for please cherish all the memories
And never forget their laugh
Because we all have a piece of them with in us
And that is how the love they had
For everyone will forever last
We hope that you knew
How many people truly cared about you
And that in your passing you have taught us
That we should always stand tall
And that we have to try to make the best of it all
Hopefully through this tragedy we all will wake up & see
That life can be short and taken from us so easily
You all truly will be missed by so many
We are grateful for knowing you
And lucky to have been part of your lives
We know that Heaven's gates
Have been opened up for you
The Angel's have given you your wings
So that you all may watch over us
And push us so we may strive to do better things
A poem written by Elizabeth Mooney
This is a poem I wrote after one of my dear friends lost his battle to addiction. I hope that it may help in some way. I am here if you need anything please message me I am always here to help.
We have all lost a friend today
One that we all wish
was never taken from us this way
But god thought it was their time to leave
Ans now this is the moment
For us their friends and family to grieve
We keep asking ourselves why
Why do the good die young?
Why don't we ever get a warning
To when our day will come?
We were all just having birthdays and having so much fun
Tell us why you had to take them
I mean our lives have just begun
It hurts so much to think
That they are no longer here
When we keep seeing their face
Through each falling tear
Now knowing that their memory will never disappear
Although we keep pleading that this tragic ordeal
Is anything but real
We are demanding the pain we feel
Of our hearts breaking and tearing from the seams
To somehow just be one heart rendering bad dream
Though as we awaken and realize it is not
We can remember the good times we had with them
And forget about the times we all fought
There for please cherish all the memories
And never forget their laugh
Because we all have a piece of them with in us
And that is how the love they had
For everyone will forever last
We hope that you knew
How many people truly cared about you
And that in your passing you have taught us
That we should always stand tall
And that we have to try to make the best of it all
Hopefully through this tragedy we all will wake up & see
That life can be short and taken from us so easily
You all truly will be missed by so many
We are grateful for knowing you
And lucky to have been part of your lives
We know that Heaven's gates
Have been opened up for you
The Angel's have given you your wings
So that you all may watch over us
And push us so we may strive to do better things
A poem written by Elizabeth Mooney
This is a poem I wrote after one of my dear friends lost his battle to addiction. I hope that it may help in some way. I am here if you need anything please message me I am always here to help.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
**{Jenny}}
What you have written to honor your brother is more than perfect.
I love how you have chosen to honor his life and give dignity to his spirit.
I hope you will stick around and please remember that there are so many people here who care about you.
Prayers for comfort and peace for you and your family during this sad time.
cmc
What you have written to honor your brother is more than perfect.
I love how you have chosen to honor his life and give dignity to his spirit.
I hope you will stick around and please remember that there are so many people here who care about you.
Prayers for comfort and peace for you and your family during this sad time.
cmc
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1,381
I am so sorry
My son just lost a friend of his the same way. And he was only 25 years old. My first husband lost his life to drinking.
It was so wonderful that you wrote out the good things about him. Because he was a person, not just a addicted person. I wish everyone seen it like you because I am one of those people.
My son just lost a friend of his the same way. And he was only 25 years old. My first husband lost his life to drinking.
It was so wonderful that you wrote out the good things about him. Because he was a person, not just a addicted person. I wish everyone seen it like you because I am one of those people.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Between the ocean and the mountains
Posts: 653
my heart breaks for your family. how you must all have loved him. there is much good you can do in this world in his honor and memory....just remembering his gentleness and carrying that on will keep him with you. but that is for the future. for now, i am so sorry for your devastation. do what you can to support your heart through this, and reach for love. he sounds like such a good soul. he would want you to find comfort and peace. just reach for love.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Jenny, I am so sorry you lost your brother. What you have written about him so far is beautiful; your love for him shines through. I hope in time memories of times you shared will provide comfort. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Your brother is at peace.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Layton, Utah
Posts: 60
I am sorry for your loss.
I spoke at my nephews funeral a few years ago.
Died from overdose. Because of the past few years before he died, it seemed to be what was on everyones mind.
I remined the family in my talk that that is what he did, but that is not who he was.
I spoke about him as a kid and who he was.
I wish you peace in the days to come.
I spoke at my nephews funeral a few years ago.
Died from overdose. Because of the past few years before he died, it seemed to be what was on everyones mind.
I remined the family in my talk that that is what he did, but that is not who he was.
I spoke about him as a kid and who he was.
I wish you peace in the days to come.
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