That last drink can be expensive- Think Twice
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That last drink can be expensive- Think Twice
In conversation with the EXAG, we got on to the topic of her tenants that just moved out of her rental property, which then lead to a discussion of finances. She verbally ran through some numbers, and came up with a rough estimate of having spent about 45K (two rehabs, 2 DUIs, attorney feed, court fees, fines, etc). And the loss of her substantial income.
"My last drink was a pretty expensive one," was her comment.
Last night I did start to go into "savior" thinking. I caught myself trying to come up with "fixes," obsessing about if she has money to cover all of her monthly expenses, how will she survive, etc. But at least now I can identify my crazy thinking, and not act and try to force solutions.
So if any folks from the AA side read this thread, just know that it really doesn't take much to lose it all.
"My last drink was a pretty expensive one," was her comment.
Last night I did start to go into "savior" thinking. I caught myself trying to come up with "fixes," obsessing about if she has money to cover all of her monthly expenses, how will she survive, etc. But at least now I can identify my crazy thinking, and not act and try to force solutions.
So if any folks from the AA side read this thread, just know that it really doesn't take much to lose it all.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 70
"My last drink was a pretty expensive one."
Ummm...slight underestimation? It's not just the financial cost - it's the impact on physical health, emotional health and wellbeing, damage to relationships, etc. So it's probably a far more expensive drink than she realises.
Good for you in acknowledging how easy it is to slip into fix it mode. Shows you're learning and growing everyday, congratulations!
Ummm...slight underestimation? It's not just the financial cost - it's the impact on physical health, emotional health and wellbeing, damage to relationships, etc. So it's probably a far more expensive drink than she realises.
Good for you in acknowledging how easy it is to slip into fix it mode. Shows you're learning and growing everyday, congratulations!
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New York
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Crazed, I agree with Kasie, you really can't put a price on a functioning liver or well adjusted children.
I don't think you were in "savior" mode, I think you were in "enabler" mode. It IS good you realized what was going on, that is huge progress. But is there any way you could start thinking about what is happening in your own life instead of what is happening in hers? It isn't your problem anymore if she can pay her bills. And if she can't pay her bills, that is a natural consequence of her drinking which she needs to live with.
I apologize for always being on your case. Please know that it is never with judgement but has more to do with seeing my own behavior in yours.
I don't think you were in "savior" mode, I think you were in "enabler" mode. It IS good you realized what was going on, that is huge progress. But is there any way you could start thinking about what is happening in your own life instead of what is happening in hers? It isn't your problem anymore if she can pay her bills. And if she can't pay her bills, that is a natural consequence of her drinking which she needs to live with.
I apologize for always being on your case. Please know that it is never with judgement but has more to do with seeing my own behavior in yours.
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