kelleyt

I divorced my herion addict husband like 2 weeks ago it wasn't supposed to happen that way we went to court for supposal support and the lawyers had the papers there to sign he went first and signed I was heart broken I thought that if I filed for divorce left him at mommys he would maybe see that he was losing everything he already lost his good job his daughter doesn't really talk to him and then we were separted for like 2 years he got clean for 6 months probably because he thought it would shut me up but I don't think he went for himself but it doesn't matter now ! Anyway he sent me a text a week later telling me he was devastated and he loved me and if he bought me a ring a was clean a year would I marry him again ? I was like u must be high cause he hardly ever says stuff like that to me he is usually like 2 different people mean sometimes just starts fight twisted what I say blames me for the marriage saying all I did for 6 yrs was fight with him and I'm like ya the lasts 3 years u have been shooting dope and lying to me I love my husband more than anyone I have ever met but I know in my heart I won't get the happy ending here with him his mother will keep taking care of her 40 yr old son !! I guess I just don't know how to give up hope I don't want to have hope I don't want to care I don't want to still love him cause I know he is a good man I know it's the drugs but it doesn't make it easier for me !! Why why do I feel like its me and that no one will ever want me that I will be alone for ever how do I just move on I can't talk to him he says he clean I saw him he is not he gets mad when I say when will u stop when ?? He acts like I don't know he is on suboxne or dope I know the truth but is it his denial he will never just say ya I just can't stop kel why won't he just say that ? Will he die I think so he just doesn't care at all

AnvilheadII

I think you need to give yourself the gift of TIME, Kelley. it's only been two weeks since things were final. it would probably do you good to consider No Contact. none of this has changed HIM. but it has changed you and you need to come to terms with it all.

kelleyt

Thanks you !! I know it has not changed him and I guess I had hope it would !! I thought that he would look at his life and see how he has lost so much ! But then again his mother still feeds, clothes and buy him smokes , gives him rides and lets him get high in the house so I guess if I was still using I would do what he is but it hurts cause I really loved him and wanted to be married forever to him .. I know I need time but it seems like I'm dying not seeing or talking to him and this town is so small everything reminds me of him this house everything . I really thank you th for what you said I really like how much u help people and tell them the truth I need the truth that's all I want is the truth

AnvilheadII

given time, people will show us who they are and what they are truly made of. YOU have shown yourself to be loving, caring and hopeful...and those are good things. we just have to get better at decided WHERE we put our love and trust and our hope.

kelleyt

Thank you !! I'm just hurt mad angry and sometimes it's him I'm mad at but I know it's the disease then I think he could stop if he wanted 2 and I think it's me that I wasn't good enough like something is wrong with me I'm not pretty enough or skinny enough or cause we don't have kids together!! I'm so messed up
In the head from this !! But most of the time I'm just sad for him for me for my kids for marrying him .. I want to thank you for responding I love how u always tell the truth and that's what I need to hear the truth wheather I like it or not so thank you

laurie6781

(((((Kelley)))))

This 'thing' called addiction he has is NOT about you. It is his mind and his body constantly CRAVING MORE.

Hell, if my mom and family hadn't finally said ENOUGH when I was 33 1/2 I would have died out there. As it was I still almost did, because it took me another 2 1/2 years to find recovery and the last 1 1/2 of those years was on the streets of Hollyweird. And until they said NO and meant it they REALLY ENABLED. Now mind you I was still working (although I lost that job shortly after they said NO) but they paid my car insurance, my car payments, bought me attorneys to keep me out of jail, paid for damage I caused, bailed me out of jail, etc you get the idea.

This really is not about you as to his 'feelings' for you. He does not love himself and thus finds it very hard to really know what love is and to love another.

This is about you, in continuing to get help for yourself to feel whole again and to love and protect your precious child. There is a life out there for you!!!! Honest!

Stick close, many of us have been where you are now and we are walking with you in spirit. When you have those down moments, look around the room you are in or your vehicle or whatever and just picture it FILLED with us all from SR. It can be very comforting.

Keep posting to let us know how you are doing, as we do care!!!! And before you know it you will be posting on another's thread that is where you are now and feeling what you are feeling now.

Lots of love and bunches of hugs,

kelleyt

Thanks Laurie , I know today this is about me I don't even know where to begin with my self I have no self worth , no self esteem nothing !! And since I now have no money or credit I feel worse about myself !!i feel like I will never get over this pain !! Im trying to go back to school not sure how or for what don't even know where to being but I have to change myself !! I want it all to go away but I know it won't I just have to keep going I hope someday I will look back and thank god and be ok with myself thanks

jzeb2008

Hi.Going through a fairly similar thing with my husband. He is a opiate addict (snorts roxy) and alcoholic. He moved in with his mommy about a month ago because I would no longer condone his using so now (of course) the entire breakdown of the marriage is my fault for being controlling, a nag and no longer "cool".His mother also enables him including giving /selling him her pills and allowing him to use in her home. She has also turned against me. I felt that he would see what he was giving up(wife, children, home, ect.)but NOTHING seems important to him anymore except using. And of course he's in complete denial of the entire addiction even though he's been clean before. It's very hard and I'm very hurt. Just now starting the process for a legal separation because I'm very afraid that he will be in one of his moods and do exactly what happened with your divorce. I'm very sorry that this is happening to you.