Redcat

My hubby, age 54, got pulled over by a state trooper back in March and blew a .08. We have just had our first court date and another is coming up in July. I had suspected for a long time that he was drinking vodka again, and began finding empty fifths that backed up my suspicions. The arrest was my emotional bottom point, and I insisted he join AA. I go to many of his meetings with him, when work allows. However, this past week, my suspicions were rising again. Tonight, I came home in a pouring thunderstorm to find the porch light wasn't on and the door locked. I tried calling his cell several times and even pounded the door. It took some time for me to unlock the door myself (peripheral neuropathy makes feeling difficult). I was angry. He was in bed. He didn't respond to my phone calls even though the phone was only 3feet away, his speech was slurred, water was still running in the bathroom, and he insisted the porch light was on. I know he was drunk, despite his denials. I am upset. What do I do, now? How do I confront him?

Dee74

Hi Redcat

Maybe the solution isn't how do I confront him - chances are he'll continue to insist you were mistaken.

Maybe a better question is to focus on you and things you can change, by asking yourself things like what are my needs in all this? where do I find support? how can I be less codependent in this situation?

You'll find a lot of support wisdom and experience here and I really recommend Melody Beatties books on codependence.

Have you considered AlAnon for yourself as well?

D

Nighthawk8820

Maybe you shouldnt bother. Addicts lie, and at the time, think we are very convincing. He needs a wake up call you may not be able to give him. I am sorry you are in this position. What can you do change? Because in the end, that is the only thing you can actually control.

artsoul

Welcome Redcat -

I'm sorry you're having to go through this. Alcoholism is tough on everyone, particularly the family. AlAnon would be a great support for you, and we also have a family/friends forum here:
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Glad you're here!

Mizzuno

I hope that in all of this you are taking care of you. It seems like your husband, even with his DUI, is not ready to quit. So, what can you do in this situation? Personally, I would not be attending AA meetings with him, unless I needed the program myself. I would most likely find outside help for myself like therapy and ALANON and then proceed from there. You do not have to continue on his destructive path.

least

It all comes down to how much of his behavior you will tolerate. He doesn't sound like he's ready to quit drinking tho.

I hope you find support for yourself and some peace in your life.

Threshold

Even if you do confront him on his issues, then what?

Better to put your energy towards your own issues. I also suggest AlAnon, figure out what you can do for your own life and well being.

I was the active addict. My ex tried to get me to change. Then he divorced me. (not suggesting that he shouldn't have) but his life still wasn't wine and roses because HE has his own issues, and putting his energy into everything to do with me...didn't address any of them.

I do believe that without my active addiction to deal with, he has a better chance of finding peace when he addresses his issues. That is how it worked for me, got rid of the active addiction, THEN addressed the underlying issues, things are getting better.

Anna

There's no need to confront him. If he's drinking, he will not tell the truth.

Instead of trying to change your husband, why not try working on yourself. Take some time and do something enjoyable for you. Have you considered AlAnon as a support?