ScoobyWoo

Do you ever think it is OK to not have an active sponsor? Can you ever reach a point in sobriety where you can just attend meetings and work the steps by yourself?

My situation is that I just moved to a rural area with very few meetings. I have about 4 years of sobriety under my belt (enough to feel pretty "strong" with my current recovery). So far I have just not "clicked" with anyone in the meetings. It's been months now and I still do not have a sponsor. I seem to be getting by just fine without one, but then again, I don't want to compromise my sobriety. Would would you recommend I do?

Kathleen41

My sponsor has like 14 years, and she still has a sponsor. So does her sponsor, and she has 23years, that tells me it would be a good idea to have a sponsor, but I could be wrong!!

Perhaps you could ask someone to be a temporary sponsor. Or maybe you could still use your sponsor from your last location, until you find someone you want to ask. With cell phones, the internet, skype and everything else, its easy to stay in touch across distances!!

Soberpotamus

I dunno, I'm very new to AA. Interested in the responses you get though! Good question.

Mountainmanbob

UncleMeat69

Have you asked this question of your former sponsor ?

Mountainmanbob

So just What does a sponsor do?
In some ways, a sponsor is like a good friend, a teacher, a tutor, and an experienced guide. Some may even think of a sponsor as their older brother or sister that they never had. A sponsor is someone who has been where we want to go in our twelve step program and knows how we can best get there. Their primary responsibility is to help us work the 12 steps by applying the principles of the program to our lives. They lead us by example as we see how the program works in their lives through sharing their personal experiences and stories of where they were and where they are now. We start to learn how to become sober by listening and doing the footwork that our sponsor shows us on a daily basis. In time we make these new changes a habit which helps us to remain sober one day at a time.

A.A. defines a sponsorship in this way: "An alcoholic who has made some progress in the recovery program who shares that experience on a continuous, individual basis with another who is attempting to attain or maintain sobriety through A.A." Every sponsor is different, just as each sponsee is different, but certain activities, responsibilities, and obligations are common in all sponsor/sponsee relationships. They are all working to help one another remain sober for just one more day by sharing themselves with one another.


Some factors to consider in choosing a sponsor •Has what we want
•lives the solution not the problem
•Walks the Talk in all his / her affairs
•Has a sponsor themselves
•Emphasizes the steps and traditions of the program
•Has more time in recovery than we do
•Has worked more steps than we have
•Is available for telephone calls and personal meetings
•Emphasized the spiritual aspect of the program
•and lastly IS THE SAME GENDER TYPE as you.

ru12

So where in the first 164 pages of the Big Book does it say to get a sponsor?

Anyone? Anyone? Anyone?

Alraihani

Forget the label. Its just a guy to take you through the steps.

nandm

I have not had an official sponsor for probably 6 years now. That said though I do have a strong support group that really function in a sponsor capacity in my life. I do think that sponsorship serves an important purpose in the AA program and do recommend that whenever possible people maintain a sponsor and definitely utilize one in the first few years of sobriety where one is still learning the program and how to utilize the spiritual tools of the program.

I do agree with ru12 that nowhere in the first 164 pages of the Big Book does it say a sponsor is required to work the program of AA. But it does stress the importance of working with others. Here is just one example of that Sponsorship is not the only way to work with others. There are many ways we can work with others; volunteering as a secretary at meetings, volunteering to take meetings into jails and institutions, 12 Step calls, volunteering as a greeter at a meeting, greeting each new person at your regular meeting, signing up on the phone lists given out to newcomers, etc....

I guess my answer to your question is I place more importance on working with others than I do having a sponsor for myself. But that is a personal preference and I do have a strong support group around me plus I was sober a few years before I wound up in a position of not having what is technically a sponsor.

Gottalife

I could not agree more. My sponsor told me at about two years that I no longer needed a sponsor and he became my very good friend instead. He did, however, stress the importance of working with others. He was also careful never to let me become dependent on him which I could easily have done. He taught me to place my dependence on the God of my understanding, saying always that people have feet of clay!

So for 31 years I have been sponsorless. Just me, God, and a few close AA friends in whom I have confidence. And I have continued to work with others - that's the most important thing. Remember sponsors are human, and we are beyond human aid. I suggest that is why the Big Book doesn't advocate life long sponsorship. It does however warn about the dangers of the alcoholic becoming dependent on his sponsor.

To keep this gift we must continually give it away, to do that you need to be a sponsor, not a dependent sponsee.

omegasupreme

I got sober 7/25/2009. My sponsor got sober 6/14/1993. His sponsor got sober 10/31/1978. His sponsor got sober 10/31/1958. His sponsor got sober...eh, I'm not sure off the top of my head but you have probably noticed the trend by now....

I live in a rural area where at times it was tough to hear the message of Alcoholics Anonymous. I sought the fellowship I craved an it started showing up...I am now united with brothers and sisters around the globe that understand an alcoholic of my type and what is necessary for recovery. Feel free to hit me up if you need a phone number with an understanding ear on the other end. Sometimes that committee starts up in my head and it always helps to laugh it out with someone equally as ill.

Michael66

Hi ScoobyWoo

I think it's possible that different people have different needs. I go to a priest to help me with continued accountability. Other people may benefit from a formal sponsor, and others may well be fine with friends or just with God. Personally I don't find the modern hierarchical structure of sponsorship in the Big Book (rather I find a more egalitarian and community-based approach), but that doesn't mean it can't help some or many people.

Perhaps the best thing is to be actively aware of your current needs; if you sense a "wobble" approaching then that is when you need to find some more help. It sounds like you are well aware of your state though.

awuh1

I’d have to say that sponsors are generally most important in early sobriety for a wide range of reasons.

In your case there still might be an advantage to having someone know your “back story” so to speak. It’s a unique type of relationship, and has distinct advantages for both individuals concerned.

You have the added advantage of being able to take your time and to get to know people as you settle in at your new location.

Kathleen41

"I guess my answer to your question is I place more importance on working with others than I do having a sponsor for myself."

I am pretty new to AA, just picked up 7 mos last night. So I mean no disrespect. But some of the wise women in my group last night seem to be calling this type of thinking "two stepping."

Although I have noticed that in the first 164 pages there is no reference to sponsorship. I guess because the first group of alcoholics didn't have sponsors!! They also said that they know very little, and that more will be revealed.
I have a lot of respect for the old-timers in my groups. And they all have sponsors and stress the importance having one. I'm going with that, Because they have what I want.

Boleo

IMO it is better to live a principle driven life than to have a sponsor (we place principles before personalities).

However, not everyone experiences the Spiritual Awakening called for in the 12th step and even those who do need some form of imposed discipline for a few years to get to the point where they can practice principles in all their affairs.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

paul99

While sponsorship, per se, is not mentioned specifically in the book, it does mention our "protege" (on pg. 92) and "our friend" (same pg). Working with Others does give precise instructions in 12-stepping and helping someone with the steps (or at least showing them how you got well - the Big Book).

As to the OP, I don't have the answer to that. I think the wide range of comments made so far, from those of wide ranging sobriety, show that there isn't a one size fits all solution. I am comfortable with a sponsor, even though I talk to him once a week or even two weeks. I spend more time with guys I work with, and that in a sense, "replaces" the time I used to spend with my sponsor. It's still one drunk helping another drunk. And the questions I used to have specifically for my sponsor, I now ask amongst AA old timers, AA friends and other spiritual advisors I might have in my life. But my sponsor is certainly part of my life, and at this point in my recovery, I see him almost as a friend now. He shares with me as much, if not more, than I share with him at times. It's just two alcoholics talking and sharing our experiences...and he knows me inside out, which is the real bonus for me of having him as a sponsor and friend.

muvinon

Maybe the real question is why no click? Grow where your planted.

deeker

My old sponsor was so awesome. She was a nice lady....

She understood me and was always on my side.........

She told me I was right even when I was clearly wrong......

She said I could skip meetings back then--after all, I had a couple years of not drinking under my belt.......

She said I had prayed so often in the past that I could scale back........

She said I didn't need to fellowship , that I was fine by myself ...

She said I knew enough about my alcoholism that I was safe ....

She said it's ok to work at a restaurant that serves booze....


What happened? I got drunk. Then, I realized it's not a good idea to sponsor myself, Only a fool sponsors themself...........

I can't possibly reason with myself. I have messed up thinking.......

Until I was able to get completely honest with another woman in A.A., my sobriety was limited and, at best, precarious....

I had to learn the hard way...

Since then, I have begun a new journey into the Twelve Steps. But this time, I am relying on my Higher Power to lead me through, along with help of my sponsor......

justanothrdrunk

I'm sober over 5 years. I still need my sponsor.

Mountainmanbob