5 weeks in
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Switzerland
Posts: 48
5 weeks in
Yesterday marked 5 weeks of sobriety for me. While I should be over the moon about this, I am not. I am really discovering how much I hate myself and how much I hate this disease I suffer from. Today when coming from an AA meeting, I nearly rode my bike into an intersection with oncoming traffic; I kinda wanted it to end right there. Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of crazy thoughts going through my mind but I am not going to take my life just yet...
I have been going to meetings, took on a sponsor, reading the literature, getting to know people etc. I have some doubts about AA but will address those in another post next week. I am working through other addictions, at the same time working an 8am – 5pm job and also finalizing a master thesis that’s due this Friday, 7 June. I kinda feel like I am setting myself up to lose or being too hard on myself. I do enjoy where my life is right now as opposed to 5 weeks ago when I missed work for a week because of drinking and was mildly depressed.
Just wanted to share this during my study break...and get some support and encouragement.
I have been going to meetings, took on a sponsor, reading the literature, getting to know people etc. I have some doubts about AA but will address those in another post next week. I am working through other addictions, at the same time working an 8am – 5pm job and also finalizing a master thesis that’s due this Friday, 7 June. I kinda feel like I am setting myself up to lose or being too hard on myself. I do enjoy where my life is right now as opposed to 5 weeks ago when I missed work for a week because of drinking and was mildly depressed.
Just wanted to share this during my study break...and get some support and encouragement.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,781
Hang in there buddy, it gets better.. It takes a while for all that crap to leave your system.. Keep up the meetings and talk to a fellow drunk about your feelings.. A sharp old timer in my group told me if you walk into the woods for 20 years you can't turn around and get out in a few months.
Nice work on your time.. Keep up the good work!
Nice work on your time.. Keep up the good work!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: FL
Posts: 698
I can relate, stopped drinking 11/5/12, earned my Masters 12/15/12 while also working full time. It was very upsetting when I sober up to how I had been living, the harm I did to myself and others, etc. There is still a long road of reconstruction ahead....but it's far better than the alternative!!
It is slowly getting better, but I had to learn to experience some pain, and as an addict I have always medicated pain away. You have reservations about AA, I did too, we all did. I was used to intellectualizing everything. Intellectually, the program doesn't make sense; one can't intellectualize the spiritual. It wasn't the time to think when I first stopped drinking, it was the time to listen to people who found a solution, and do what they did. My thinking had gotten me into all this trouble in the first place!!
I have almost 7 months sober, have done it with AA (no in or out patient rehab) and believe me, I had huge reservations. It is working for me. It can work for you.
Feel free to send me a private message, I'm happy to share my experience with you.
It is slowly getting better, but I had to learn to experience some pain, and as an addict I have always medicated pain away. You have reservations about AA, I did too, we all did. I was used to intellectualizing everything. Intellectually, the program doesn't make sense; one can't intellectualize the spiritual. It wasn't the time to think when I first stopped drinking, it was the time to listen to people who found a solution, and do what they did. My thinking had gotten me into all this trouble in the first place!!
I have almost 7 months sober, have done it with AA (no in or out patient rehab) and believe me, I had huge reservations. It is working for me. It can work for you.
Feel free to send me a private message, I'm happy to share my experience with you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
[QUOTE=Kathleen41;3997614 I was used to intellectualizing everything. Intellectually, the program doesn't make sense; one can't intellectualize the spiritual. It wasn't the time to think when I first stopped drinking, it was the time to listen to people who found a solution, and do what they did. My thinking had gotten me into all this trouble in the first place!!
I have almost 7 months sober, have done it with AA (no in or out patient rehab) and believe me, I had huge reservations. It is working for me. It can work for you.
Feel free to send me a private message, I'm happy to share my experience with you.[/QUOTE]
Awesome , Awesome Post Thanks
I have almost 7 months sober, have done it with AA (no in or out patient rehab) and believe me, I had huge reservations. It is working for me. It can work for you.
Feel free to send me a private message, I'm happy to share my experience with you.[/QUOTE]
Awesome , Awesome Post Thanks
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Michigan
Posts: 243
Just take it day by day, go to meetings, and start reading the big book. Get into some action with the steps, it seems like you are suffering from the bedevilments listed.on page.52. Oh yeah, prayer won't hurt.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Switzerland
Posts: 48
Originally Posted by Dave42001 
Hang in there buddy, it gets better.. It takes a while for all that crap to leave your system.. Keep up the meetings and talk to a fellow drunk about your feelings.. A sharp old timer in my group told me if you walk into the woods for 20 years you can't turn around and get out in a few months.
Nice work on your time.. Keep up the good work!
Nice work on your time.. Keep up the good work!
Thanks buddy, sometimes I call up a fellow drunk to talk and they end up speaking more than I do. I am not so good at being upfront so I just listen but sometimes I just need someone to listen....hoping to find that. I have this intense confidence issues so I don't really say what I am thinking or feeling.
Thanks,
Johhny
Recovering
Join Date: May 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,361
Hi Needtoheal
I think that what you are going through, seeing how your life has been when alcohol was an integral part of it, is an important part of healing. I think part of the difficulty, but also the success, of the 12 steps is that it takes us through that process - a bit like the transformation of Scrooge in a Christmas Carol, as he is confronted by his actions and attitudes. But remember the real you is the sober you. Also, even when in the mire of alcohol, we never lose the inherent dignity and value of being human - we still love and we are still loved. Sure we may be in a mess, but we're still precious, as all life is.
Be patient with yourself - deep healing always takes time, and brings with it some pain and hurt.
I think that what you are going through, seeing how your life has been when alcohol was an integral part of it, is an important part of healing. I think part of the difficulty, but also the success, of the 12 steps is that it takes us through that process - a bit like the transformation of Scrooge in a Christmas Carol, as he is confronted by his actions and attitudes. But remember the real you is the sober you. Also, even when in the mire of alcohol, we never lose the inherent dignity and value of being human - we still love and we are still loved. Sure we may be in a mess, but we're still precious, as all life is.
Be patient with yourself - deep healing always takes time, and brings with it some pain and hurt.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,308
Hi NeedtoHeal,
Do you mean a sober fellow drunk? This is where I found SR to be invaluable for talking about my feelings and what is going on in my life especially at the beginning of sobriety.
I am 2 years sober and looking back I can see now how my emotions were all over the place. It really does take time to stabilize but it will happened. Trust the process it really works I am a living testament to that.
Keep posting about anything, we are all here to help each other.
Five weeks is no small achievement and as you stated you feel better now than 5 weeks ago, build on that, the promises do come true if we work the program daily.
All the best
CaiHong
Do you mean a sober fellow drunk? This is where I found SR to be invaluable for talking about my feelings and what is going on in my life especially at the beginning of sobriety.
I am 2 years sober and looking back I can see now how my emotions were all over the place. It really does take time to stabilize but it will happened. Trust the process it really works I am a living testament to that.
Keep posting about anything, we are all here to help each other.
Five weeks is no small achievement and as you stated you feel better now than 5 weeks ago, build on that, the promises do come true if we work the program daily.
All the best
CaiHong
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 16
Five weeks sober is fantastic
When I got sober I found listening to tapes of the experience, strength and hope shared by people in AA that are posted online really helpful when I wasn't in a meeting... (I continue to listen to these recordings quite often). there are lots posted on you tube and at xa-speakers.org
When I got sober I found listening to tapes of the experience, strength and hope shared by people in AA that are posted online really helpful when I wasn't in a meeting... (I continue to listen to these recordings quite often). there are lots posted on you tube and at xa-speakers.org
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Switzerland
Posts: 48
Originally Posted by Michael66
Be patient with yourself - deep healing always takes time, and brings with it some pain and hurt.
Yes CaiHong I did mean a fellow sober alky. I will keep posting on here.
Kathleen41, thanks so much for your post...I really look forward to hearing your story.
Thank you all, I really appreciate your feedback, support and encouragement.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
T.I.M.E.= Things I Must Earn.
when I put in the footwork with the right motives and no expectations of when the results were gonna start happenin, I started feeling results.
when I put in the footwork with the right motives and no expectations of when the results were gonna start happenin, I started feeling results.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Sounds super overwhelming, sober or not!
Bad news is, life is sometimes like that, overwhelming and highly uncomfortable GOOD NEWS is..that doesn't mean you're doing recovery wrong.
It's worth it. Things get better if we hang in there and just keep doing the next right thing. Sometimes that means nothing at all, as if "first do no harm."
No matter what is going on, there is no better time to be sober than today. About feeling like you want to end it...this is what I have learned to say to myself (one of my multiple addictions was suicidal ideology...yes there are people who get off on fantasizing about ending it...and 12 step groups for them) anyway, I say to myself "you don't want to be dead, you just don't want to feel the way you feel right now."
it helps a lot for me to put things into perspective. No feeling I have ever had has lasted forever.
Hugs...you're doing fine
Bad news is, life is sometimes like that, overwhelming and highly uncomfortable GOOD NEWS is..that doesn't mean you're doing recovery wrong.
It's worth it. Things get better if we hang in there and just keep doing the next right thing. Sometimes that means nothing at all, as if "first do no harm."
No matter what is going on, there is no better time to be sober than today. About feeling like you want to end it...this is what I have learned to say to myself (one of my multiple addictions was suicidal ideology...yes there are people who get off on fantasizing about ending it...and 12 step groups for them) anyway, I say to myself "you don't want to be dead, you just don't want to feel the way you feel right now."
it helps a lot for me to put things into perspective. No feeling I have ever had has lasted forever.
Hugs...you're doing fine
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: West Texas
Posts: 4
Congrats on your 5 weeks! That's a lot to proud of, but it's still early enough to be in a challenging time. And you definitely sound like you have a lot on your plate; please try to be gentle with yourself 
And I'm glad you came here to share....sometimes just getting something out there and talking about it helps take some of it's power away.
I always hated it when people said "This too shall pass", but it will. Most important thing is just get through the day sober.
And like someone else said, I like to listen to speaker tapes as well.....it gives me encouragement, motivation, and maybe a distraction from my own thoughts!
And I'm glad you came here to share....sometimes just getting something out there and talking about it helps take some of it's power away.I always hated it when people said "This too shall pass", but it will. Most important thing is just get through the day sober.
And like someone else said, I like to listen to speaker tapes as well.....it gives me encouragement, motivation, and maybe a distraction from my own thoughts!
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Congratulations on 5 weeks, Needtoheal!
I think we can get easily overwhelmed in early sobriety (and you really do have a LOT going on right now!). Like some others have said, patience is the key, especially patience with yourself.
Like you, when I got sober, I became aware of how negative my thinking and self-talk was. I knew if I was going to live with myself (instead of getting numb) I had to stop being my own worst enemy. It's taken some practice, but I've found that I don't have to treat myself that way anymore. (You might want to check out mindfulness - it helped me a great deal).
Good luck on your thesis! Maybe once that's over with, things will lighten up a bit?
I think we can get easily overwhelmed in early sobriety (and you really do have a LOT going on right now!). Like some others have said, patience is the key, especially patience with yourself.
Like you, when I got sober, I became aware of how negative my thinking and self-talk was. I knew if I was going to live with myself (instead of getting numb) I had to stop being my own worst enemy. It's taken some practice, but I've found that I don't have to treat myself that way anymore. (You might want to check out mindfulness - it helped me a great deal).
Good luck on your thesis! Maybe once that's over with, things will lighten up a bit?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Houston Texas
Posts: 1,003
Early sobriety is so very stressful. It gets better so gradually that you may not even see the positives.
But...trust this. It IS getting better. Feelings aren't entirely a great gauge at this stage. Hang in!
But...trust this. It IS getting better. Feelings aren't entirely a great gauge at this stage. Hang in!
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