Rice596

Hi all

I have had enough. Over the last 5 years my seemingly relentless determination to press the self destruct button in regard to drinking has gotten out of control. My background is that I am 30 years old, from England and work in the emergency services. I have a job I love, a fiancé I love more and in the last 3 years purchased a home that I could only dream of when I was younger.

I am a only child and have a mother who has had many traumatic experiences in her life. She found her father dead when she was 15, one brother died of MS and one murdered in his own home. She understandably has a lot of issues. She heaps pressure on me, as I now live a long way away from her. My dad is laid back and puts up with a lot from her. My mums family have a history of alcohol abuse, her father was an alcoholic before he died and both brothers followed suit. It's worries me... Is alcohol abuse hereditary?

My problem is I am a binge drinker. Once I start I have no intention of stopping, not every time I drink but most times. I'm not a violent drunk, I just go into a drunken stupor. Incoherent, zombie like if you will. In the last 5 years I have fallen over once, hospitalising myself resulting in my fiancé having to phone around london hospitals to locate me... She eventually did. I have bladder problems also so accidents have occurred. This weekend gone i was on a stag do and again made a prat of myself. I went missing after I had come home with my friends, in the 3 hours I went missing for I received a head injury and ended up miles away from the hotel. I don't have a clue what happened in this time. I'm absolutely ashamed to the core but have managed to hide this from my fiancé as I am under no illusion she will be out of the door this time. I occasionally say such nasty things to her when I am drunk and return home. I swear at her, I can't comprehend doing this as she is kindest and best thing that happened to me, it hurts.

I know I have everything to lose but can't seem to stop the binging. I want to be a social drinker and stop when I hit my limit. Is there a way of doing so or is it a case of give it up? I'm willing to do anything. The binge drinking is the only aspect of my life that isn't perfect... I know that losing my job, fiancé, home and friends are junctions on the road I am on, I just want to turn off it, before its too late.

Thanks in advance

Impurrfect

Welcome to SR!

When I first found SR, I was trying to figure out if I had a problem. A couple years later, I'd changed substances I abused, lost nearly everything, and had hit lows I never thought I would/could.

You're not alone....lots of people here know what you're going through very well.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

FamilyMan2153

Still sounds like you are trying to figure out if you have a problem?? I needed to figure that part out before I could move forward. Admitting you are an alcoholic is tough and only you can do that. Be honest with yourself. Once you have that figured out then you can start to move forward.

doggonecarl

Welcome to SR. Seems that you and alcohol have an unhealthy relationship. If this were a girl friend you were talking about, I'd say dump her. Same answer for alcohol.

We all wanted to be able to drink and not suffer the consequences. Many of us chase that dream to the bitter and miserable end.

Have you been able to control your drinking in the past? If no, there are no techniques we can give you that will allow the alcoholic to drink normally. Only normal drinkers drink normally. Sorry.

You said you are willing to do anything. If you meant "do anything" to get sober, then I'd say quit.

Lionhearted1

I want to be a social drinker and stop when I reach my limit also but the problem is my limit is oblivion and beyond.

If you are an alcoholic no amount of techniques or promises to yourself will help you, total abstinence is normaly the way forward, but only you know if you have had enough pain, we don't stop drinking lightly we are alcoholics it's what we do but we lose so much and it becomes so painful we have no choice.

Good luck and god bless....

ScottFromWI

Welcome to SR rice. There are many resources here surrounding quitting drinking, and recovery. There are very few resources for moderation of drinking, mostly because moderation is very rarely possible for someone who is truly alcoholic.

Like you and countless others, I thought perhaps i could moderate. I would quit for an indeterminate amount of time, and then decide i was better. I'd then begin drinking very little and very infrequently. Inevitably though, I would always return to daily drinking. The last couple cycles I started having some pretty serious anxiety issues and found that towards the end i needed to drink just to feel normal. Fortunately i was able to finally decide to quit once and for all, and while i'm still pretty new to recovery I have 5 months under my belt and have a much different outlook on life an alcohol.

You of course are the only one who can decide if you are truly an alcoholic. You are also very fortunate that you still have a job you love, and your health. If you do decide to quit now, you will most likely avoid many of the ills that drinking can do to you - both physically and emotionally.

Best of luck, and if you do decide to quit please use the SR site to read lots, and find out about all the recovery methods you might want to try.

Rice596

Thank you for taking the time to read and reply. It is most kind.

First of all, I know this is a problem and that the problem is mine. Am I alcoholic? I tell myself I probably am but do I genuinely believe it? If I mentioned to my friends and family, they would say I am crazy to think that. After reading and reading around the subject I would say am either alcoholic or so close to being so it is scary. I just will miss going for the lovely country walk to the village pub with my fiancé and having two pints and coming back, without the feeling I need to have a belly full more of beer. Taking my father in law to be for a couple of pints to thank him for his help with something. I don't feel the need to get smashed after these things. However when I am with my old uni pals or mates I grew up at football I feel the need to pack as much alcohol into my system as possible, seemingly forgetting the pain and anguish that previous sessions such as these have caused.

I was not looking for anyone to tell me it was alright and my issue was not that bad because it clearly is. I will start losing things, my dignity has started already but that I know that can be restored. Has anyone had success with keeping the odd pint in there life but managed to abstain/control the big nights out?

Thanks again

doggonecarl

This is the wrong forum for that question. We are Sober Recovery. If people have succeeded, they aren't coming here and telling us about it. We get the failures from that experiment.

I have the feeling you are going to keep trying. When you are convinced you can't drink, ever, we'll be here.

Good luck.

Rice596

Ok, I understand that and apologise if that may have caused offence, it certainly wasn't meant to, but insensitive all the same. Sorry.

GracieLou

I don't think you offended anyone, at least I wasn't.

doggonecarl just gave you the only honest answer we have.

For me, as an alcoholic, I cannot drink. The first drink gets me drunk every time.

Spinach

Good luck stick around, perhaps start with giving up for a year and then see how much better life gets. I remember 20 years ago just before things started to really collapse.
Keep things slow and start moving away from the drinking culture it's doing you no favours.
John.

ScottFromWI

I think you'll find that as long as you are asking questions about sobriety or recovery, there is little you can do or say that could offend anyone around here. There is no such thing as a stupid question.

Carl does make a good point though, those who can keep their drinking under control are most likely not presently alcoholics ( although they could develop problems later in life ) . And hence they wouldn't need to worry about recovery from alcoholism, and most likely wouldn't hang out here at SR.

Your biggest task is to decide if you think drinking is a problem for you or not. If you do, you should work on a plan to stop. You don't need to even proclaim alcoholism...just take a long hard look at your drinking and how it affects you. If it affects you in a negative way, stopping would probably be a good choice...but you have to make the choice.

But regardless, please don't worry about asking questions. Some posters here may answer in a more direct fashion, but the bottom line is we are all here to help each other get better.

doggonecarl

Didn't offend me. And my intent wasn't to send you packing. It's just that you seem to seeking an answer that you won't get here, in essence, permission to drink.

You don't need our permission to drink. We are just giving our perspective of our experience with alcohol and recovery. Every single indication that I had a problem with alcohol was apparent in the first few years of my drinking.

But it took me 35 years to quit. If I can spare one person (you) from going through my misery, I'm going to try.

stevegl

Man, I know exactly how you feel.
Unfortunately I can not give you the answer you want.
It would be nice, but you have already proved to your self that you can't stop.

You can keep trying until you lose everything and then realise you cant do it...

* Or you can stop now before it is too late! *

See this as your golden opportunity.

I suspect I have stopped too late, please don't make the same mistake as me.

I advise you to do the following...

Take a page, draw a line down the middle. On the one side write down EVERY single problem in your life that was caused by alcohol. On the other write down all the benefits alcohol as brought you.

Compare each side.

If you are still undecided, continue each list to write all the potential problems it could cause along with the potential benefits.

Then think of your beautiful fiancé.


I think you will find your answer.

Dee74

Welcome Rice.

We are Sober Recovery - but your question is a common, understandable and natural one for people thinking about their situation, and you really are welcome

This is the bind a lot of us found ourselves in, including me

A. I wanted to drink
B. I wanted the bad things not to happen

Unfortunately I could not have A without B.

I was pre-programmed for oblivion. Alcohol changed me.
all my good intent before the first drink was gone by the second or third.

I don't think there's any way to undo that or 'System Restore' to some lesser point, rice.

D

Rice596

It is comforting to know that I am not alone in this problem and I fear there are many more, probably quite close to home in my life with exactly the same issues.

Steve - I have done exactly that and it didn't take much of a list to realise that alcohol causes any issues that do occur in my life. It hasn't brought a great deal of happiness in certain family members lives of mine either.

At the start of the year I had an exam to study for and this focused my mind and stopped me drinking to excess at all for the fear of losing the next day to a hangover and the next few to anguish and embarrassment. I did have the odd drink but always stopped due to my commitments. I have therefore decided to sign up for a physical challenge to focus my attention on and ***** my conscience into not binging.

I hope this could be the way forward for me, but if it is not there really is only one option and your words and advice have been nothing but a help to me. They have made things clearer and I now understand that the way my brain is programmed cannot be altered by 'trying' to not binge, I have to have a clear way of doing so or otherwise it's curtains.

Anyway, your honesty and humility have been fantastic. Thanks.

bonesofhope

This!

Only on day three for me, but moderation is just not in my bones.

If alcohol is the one thing threatening your perfect life- cut it out straight away. What is the point in risking everything for a few social drinks?

Good luck to you Sir.

stevegl

Rice I wish you luck.

I hope I am wrong, but I think the odds are...

You will control your drink well.
You will stop after a pint or two and feel proud and happy about this.
After a while you will forget how bad you feel right now and though you might stick to just one or two drinks you will gradually get less and less cautious about it.
Then, completely out of the blue and without warning you will wake up one afternoon with a splitting sore head and think F***! What happened last night!? What have I done!?

If that happens, remember there are lots of people here to help you quit.

Hevyn

I want to welcome you too Rice. I'm glad you found us and asked those questions. I was still drinking when I joined here years ago. I just wasn't ready to let go of the idea that I could be a social drinker.

For years I drank the same way you are, but eventually my life was in chaos. I was no longer able to control the amounts I drank and ended up completely dependent on it. I'm glad you're taking a hard look at the damage alcohol is causing you. I hope being here will help you make your decision. We're happy you joined us.