And Now the Bad Thing Might Happen!
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Join Date: Oct 2012
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And Now the Bad Thing Might Happen!
Hi all,
Saw my lawyer here yesterday. Reviewed the current situation. Mr. Longstpcking isn't following the court order. It has been three and a half months of "chat-souris" with the money. Where is it? In what account? How much will it be this time? When and will I be able to pay rent?"
The mentality of the court-ordered pension in this country is that the pension should arrive regularly and predictably to help a mother and her children maintain a stable home environment during the separation. This chat-souris nonsense is almost as bad as living with the active A.
I am still his chicken, to borrow from a recent thread! Peck, money. Peck peck, no money. Peck peck. I keep going over my finances, getting frantic, can't concentrate, can't think to get away from this feeder and find a job because in the meantime I can't pay the bills, the children need shoes and if I just peck a little more there might be something there.
So back to my lawyer meeting. This is what my lawyer advises. When I know when Mr. Longstocking is returning here, I call my lawyer. He draws up a criminal complaint. When Mr. Longstocking arrives here in the airport the police pull him aside. They handcuff him and put him in jail. He stays until he pays the pension money he owes. They sends him back across the seas and no more trips here. No more trips to this lovely land.
!!!!!!!
Saw my lawyer here yesterday. Reviewed the current situation. Mr. Longstpcking isn't following the court order. It has been three and a half months of "chat-souris" with the money. Where is it? In what account? How much will it be this time? When and will I be able to pay rent?"
The mentality of the court-ordered pension in this country is that the pension should arrive regularly and predictably to help a mother and her children maintain a stable home environment during the separation. This chat-souris nonsense is almost as bad as living with the active A.
I am still his chicken, to borrow from a recent thread! Peck, money. Peck peck, no money. Peck peck. I keep going over my finances, getting frantic, can't concentrate, can't think to get away from this feeder and find a job because in the meantime I can't pay the bills, the children need shoes and if I just peck a little more there might be something there.
So back to my lawyer meeting. This is what my lawyer advises. When I know when Mr. Longstocking is returning here, I call my lawyer. He draws up a criminal complaint. When Mr. Longstocking arrives here in the airport the police pull him aside. They handcuff him and put him in jail. He stays until he pays the pension money he owes. They sends him back across the seas and no more trips here. No more trips to this lovely land.
!!!!!!!
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New York
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Thinking more about this plan. I love the idea of him going to jail until he pays the money. However, it sounds like it will only work once. If he isn't allowed back into the country, how will you get money out of him in the future?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
Thanks, DoS!
Once jurisdiction issues are resolved, the pension will be automatically withdrawn from his salary and deposited into my private account here.
It does raise the question of what he might do in retaliation.
And how the children will react when Dad comes to visit and suddenly he's in jail.
Once jurisdiction issues are resolved, the pension will be automatically withdrawn from his salary and deposited into my private account here.
It does raise the question of what he might do in retaliation.
And how the children will react when Dad comes to visit and suddenly he's in jail.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Let the consequences be the consequences.
If this is what your country does when someone transgresses in this way, so be it.
It is better for your children to know the reality of how others - how society - sees his behavior than to live with the great confusion of idealizing a man whose behavior doesn't warrant idealizing.
ShootingStar1
If this is what your country does when someone transgresses in this way, so be it.
It is better for your children to know the reality of how others - how society - sees his behavior than to live with the great confusion of idealizing a man whose behavior doesn't warrant idealizing.
ShootingStar1
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,407
I don't care if he has $1, or $1 million dollars. There is a court order that he is failing to respect. You have children to care for. This goes back to letting someone experience the consequences of their behaviors. He will get the message that you are not his doormat. And the automatic payments will help you moving forward.
Just a suggestion, maybe the kids don't know he's coming? That way they don't get their expectations up, only to have Dad in jail. I don't recall your kids ages, so that could make a difference.
Don't worry about retaliation. That's one of those "what if's" that can drive you crazy. Get through this, then deal with the next step. One day at a time.....
Just a suggestion, maybe the kids don't know he's coming? That way they don't get their expectations up, only to have Dad in jail. I don't recall your kids ages, so that could make a difference.
Don't worry about retaliation. That's one of those "what if's" that can drive you crazy. Get through this, then deal with the next step. One day at a time.....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
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My daughter gave me the dates for his next planned visit this morning. He returns in a month.
I don't want him in jail here. I want him sending the pension the way he is supposed to or even as best as he can.
Look, if the pension were too much and he couldn't pay everything right away, this is what I would think a decent person would do. They'd put in what they could. Then they write and say that's all they have until Thursday after next. Then you will have x dollars and then a week later I get paid blah blah and you can pay that medical bill...in the meantime, I would rent every part of my house I could. What single man lives in a 6 bedroom house while his family can't afford basics?
He isn't being decent to me or his children.
I would like him to get a clear warning from the lawyer. "Mr Longstocking. You have to pay your family what you can on the first of the month. If you think it's too much, you will have to wait for the next court hearing. In the meantime, follow the order. Put the amount in your wife's account. On the first of the month. In her account, not joint accounts. If you can't pay the full amount tell her when you can and stick with that promise. And if you don't follow the law: x, y, z will happen.
So if it is spelled out to him and he still doesn't follow through, he's been duly warned.
Or should the fact that he's been ignoring the law already with admonishments from my lawyer be sufficient?
Man, if I were him, I would already be pretty scared.
My gut is he doesn't know what he is doing.
Should I be protecting him from not going to jail so he doesn't a). Lose his job; b). Have to ask his parents for some of the money; or C). Has a new woe-is-me story to share?
I protected him from going to jail for domestic violence in the past. Didn't get me anywhere. Should have told the judge the truth and saved myself years more abuse.
I don't want him in jail here. I want him sending the pension the way he is supposed to or even as best as he can.
Look, if the pension were too much and he couldn't pay everything right away, this is what I would think a decent person would do. They'd put in what they could. Then they write and say that's all they have until Thursday after next. Then you will have x dollars and then a week later I get paid blah blah and you can pay that medical bill...in the meantime, I would rent every part of my house I could. What single man lives in a 6 bedroom house while his family can't afford basics?
He isn't being decent to me or his children.
I would like him to get a clear warning from the lawyer. "Mr Longstocking. You have to pay your family what you can on the first of the month. If you think it's too much, you will have to wait for the next court hearing. In the meantime, follow the order. Put the amount in your wife's account. On the first of the month. In her account, not joint accounts. If you can't pay the full amount tell her when you can and stick with that promise. And if you don't follow the law: x, y, z will happen.
So if it is spelled out to him and he still doesn't follow through, he's been duly warned.
Or should the fact that he's been ignoring the law already with admonishments from my lawyer be sufficient?
Man, if I were him, I would already be pretty scared.
My gut is he doesn't know what he is doing.
Should I be protecting him from not going to jail so he doesn't a). Lose his job; b). Have to ask his parents for some of the money; or C). Has a new woe-is-me story to share?
I protected him from going to jail for domestic violence in the past. Didn't get me anywhere. Should have told the judge the truth and saved myself years more abuse.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,407
He's an adult, he knows what the court order states. He's already received admonishments. He has chosen, for 3 1/2 months to ignore it. It's not your job to protect him from his own decisions. That's what we enablers do, make excuses for them (he doesn't know what he's doing), try to save them from their behavior (spell it out for him), try to protect them from the natural consequences (lose his job, ask for $ from parents).
Try to stay focused on you and your children. You admit at the end of your post that protecting him before didn't get you anywhere. Let the courts take care of him if he refuses to be decent...that's their purpose.
Try to stay focused on you and your children. You admit at the end of your post that protecting him before didn't get you anywhere. Let the courts take care of him if he refuses to be decent...that's their purpose.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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Pippi, just because you struggle with what is fair and equitable---what a normal and reasonable person would do----doesn't mean that he can or will do the same. It sounds like he has demonstrated that he will do the opposite. He is an active alcoholic!! He has abused you before and he will do it again when you give him enough rope.
Pippi, I think the situation calls for you to start playing hardball--honey, take off the rose colored glasses.
dandylion
Pippi, I think the situation calls for you to start playing hardball--honey, take off the rose colored glasses.
dandylion
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
The consequences, too bad.
He stays until he pays the pension money he owes. They sends him back across the seas and no more trips here. No more trips to this lovely land.
I can tell you from experience that it is almost MAGICAL how that money (child support ordered by the court) was deposited in my account withing 24 hours of Mr. W. being in jail.
A miracle I tell ya.
As for the children, I told them the truth. Daddy is in jail because he broke the law.
The law he broke was he was ordered to pay support for his family by a family judge.
They looked at what I made, they looked at what he made and made a decision based on what is considered fair in this state.
He told them(the children) I put him in jail. I explained I had NOTHING to do with him not paying.
He had to pay the court and then the money came to me.
There was no one I could call to put him in jail.
He broke the law. He broke an agreement he made to support his children.
These are the CONSEQUENCES of breaking that law.
He didn't try that on the kids again.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
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Sounds like a plan to me. It's funny how a little outside pressure motivates all but the furthest gone to behave. Every time we've had court dates pending, AXH has been on his best behavior, paying child support on time and acting like The Perfect Father.
Mr Longsocks is clearly enjoying manipulating controlling and screwing around with you. I'm sure a few nights in jail will motivate him.
As for how the kids will handle him being in jail? Well, he's breaking the law and therefore ends up in jail. They will learn that if you break the law you end up in jail. That's a good thing.
Mr Longsocks is clearly enjoying manipulating controlling and screwing around with you. I'm sure a few nights in jail will motivate him.
As for how the kids will handle him being in jail? Well, he's breaking the law and therefore ends up in jail. They will learn that if you break the law you end up in jail. That's a good thing.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
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Originally Posted by PippiLngstockng 
Wicked,
What happened when he got out of jail?
What happened when he got out of jail?
And he went and got drunk.
Then, he called to give me problems, and I hung up.
He threatened to go under the table for pay.
He did that, and when he got far enough behind,
they suspended his license.
After going to jail for the third time,
driving on suspended and over 15 grand in arrears,
he paid enough to get out and moved to Louisiana.
He lived unhappily ever after with another drunk woman.
I think it is sad and a complete waste of a good man.
He could have been an excellent father, a real natural athlete,
but he could not stay sober.
I am sorry Pippi for this struggle you are going through, and I truly do hope you get your judgement, which has been
ordered by the court.
Beth
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
I am really tempted to analyze every possible thing that might happen if they throw Mr Socks in jail. Last time he went to jail I never heard the end of it. He felt utterly wronged and sorry for himself. And the fact that I lied and told the judge it was just a misunderstanding? Never looked at me and thanked me. Through the whole crisis he was the only one in existence.
There's no point in worrying what will happen. I will let the law handle him. In the meantime, my girls danced beautifully yesterday! One final show today! And the sun finally returned! You know, we've been in winter coats here this week while some of you have a 90 degree heatwave?! It's been a rough year!
There's no point in worrying what will happen. I will let the law handle him. In the meantime, my girls danced beautifully yesterday! One final show today! And the sun finally returned! You know, we've been in winter coats here this week while some of you have a 90 degree heatwave?! It's been a rough year!
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 391
These aren't glasses. This is how my eyes naturally work. I need corrective lenses to de-pink the world.
Pippi,
What kind of doctors prescribe these glasses? I need some!
I hope this is the thing that gets things turned around for you. I know you probably want to protect your little ones from his consequences. I know that would be my instinct. But as others have pointed out...it will be a lesson to learn for them...albeit a tough one. It stinks, but it's true.
Hugs,
MamaKit
Pippi,
What kind of doctors prescribe these glasses? I need some!
I hope this is the thing that gets things turned around for you. I know you probably want to protect your little ones from his consequences. I know that would be my instinct. But as others have pointed out...it will be a lesson to learn for them...albeit a tough one. It stinks, but it's true.
Hugs,
MamaKit
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I'm not sure of what the point of them going to jail though is? I mean how do they pay back child support if they are incarcerated? Do they garnish their .15 cents an hour prison job? Or is the point of jail to "scare'em straight"? I do believe you entitled to a portion of your husbands finances though.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 654
Pippi,
Try not to worry about what he will think, what he will do, whether he deserves a warning, whether he doesn't know exactly what he is doing, etc. etc. It is time you only worried about YOU and your CHILDREN.
He may play stupid when confronted with not paying, but everyone knows he knows exactly what he is doing by not paying. He knows he is breaking the law, and he knows his children are going without because of his actions. It is also pretty obvious that he doesn't think you will do anything about him not paying you. He thinks he can keep walking all over you and living in a world that resolves around him instead of his children. Does a man who breaks the law and doesn't support his children deserve a heads up he will go to jail if he continues to break the law? No way.
Right now is a tough time for you and your children and with tough times come survival mode. You need to get what is owed to you and let the law do what it does, punish criminals. You are owed that money and now the law is going to make sure you get it. This is a GOOD thing, nothing something to contemplate.
Keep moving forward, you can get through this! But no one should have to go through hard times not getting what they have been ordered from a court. Especially when there are children in the mix.
Try not to worry about what he will think, what he will do, whether he deserves a warning, whether he doesn't know exactly what he is doing, etc. etc. It is time you only worried about YOU and your CHILDREN.
He may play stupid when confronted with not paying, but everyone knows he knows exactly what he is doing by not paying. He knows he is breaking the law, and he knows his children are going without because of his actions. It is also pretty obvious that he doesn't think you will do anything about him not paying you. He thinks he can keep walking all over you and living in a world that resolves around him instead of his children. Does a man who breaks the law and doesn't support his children deserve a heads up he will go to jail if he continues to break the law? No way.
Right now is a tough time for you and your children and with tough times come survival mode. You need to get what is owed to you and let the law do what it does, punish criminals. You are owed that money and now the law is going to make sure you get it. This is a GOOD thing, nothing something to contemplate.
Keep moving forward, you can get through this! But no one should have to go through hard times not getting what they have been ordered from a court. Especially when there are children in the mix.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
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I think part of what's happening is that Mr Socks isn't just breaking the law in his own country. He's been granted a privileged status allowing him to live here as a foreigner. And yet he isn't respecting the law here.
That's maybe why they will send him back and not let him in again.
He really hasn't seemed all there to either me or the children this weekend. He acts like everything's normal and nothing's that big a deal. So what, he can't live with us. So what, he has to travel overseas to see his children. So what, he had a criminal complaint filed against him. So what, the wife can't pay the family bills. So what, he lost it and terrified his wife and children and now they're all in counseling.
Heeellloooo iinnn theeerrreeee!!!
That's maybe why they will send him back and not let him in again.
He really hasn't seemed all there to either me or the children this weekend. He acts like everything's normal and nothing's that big a deal. So what, he can't live with us. So what, he has to travel overseas to see his children. So what, he had a criminal complaint filed against him. So what, the wife can't pay the family bills. So what, he lost it and terrified his wife and children and now they're all in counseling.
Heeellloooo iinnn theeerrreeee!!!
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