anxious
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Bay Area, CA
Posts: 188
anxious
Hey everyone,
It's been so healing and wonderful to read through all these threads. I'm so thankful I found this space.
So my hearing for temporary custody is coming up in about two weeks. Mediation went very well (i.e. the mediator saw through my AEXBF's lies very quickly) but now I'm feeling anxious about the hearing and a couple of other things.
Today, my AEXBF told me that he is going to file a response to my petition and he is asking for 50/50 custody. He did not get a lawyer because 1) he claims it's too expensive and 2) he insists that the judge will grant him 50/50 custody because I cannot prove my allegations (I wrote a long declaration with outlined his alcohol abuse and how it negatively affected our son---the main rationale behind my request for full physical custody).
Specifically, he now denies a recent incident in which he drove *very* drunk to my apartment at 4AM and then the morning after he told me, "I'm an alcoholic, I'm never changing, and our son needs to get used to seeing me like this." I asked him, "So you're saying I'm lying in my declaration?" And he said, "I never had that conversation with you. That's not true."
WHAT?? I don't have "proof" of this incident, so now the matter is a "he said/she said" situation. As a last resort, I will ask my counselor to write a statement about this incident because I spent several sessions with her expressing my fears and disappointments about this specific incident. I'm assuming I will need some kind of "proof" about this incident, especially because he claims I am lying and I also suspect that he may bring his wife as a witness to lie and claim that he was with her that night, or some nonsense like that (my ex didn't mention that he would do this, but he has pulled similar stunts like this in the past).
My ex also mentioned that he went out of town to visit some family and friends this weekend. He mentioned how everyone thinks I am crazy and jealous and over-reacting, and that I only filed for full custody because he got married. First, I recognize this as quaking. Second, I know I should not give a damn about what his family/friends think of me, but it still bothers me that he can run around and act like the victim and that this entire thing is simply because I was dumped and I'm just a bitter woman scorned. It's not fair, because that obviously isn't the case at all.
I have my son, my friends/family on my side, my lawyer, and myself. I need to concentrate on what I can manage, and simply let go of the rest. But why is letting go so hard? I'm so anxious about the hearing, about the need to prove my declaration against his lies, what his family/friends think, how to handle his wife as my son's new stepmother (I have not had a face-to-face conversation with her yet but I think it will be really painful for me---they started seeing each other when my ex and I were still together---I know she didn't win any prize here so why does this still hurt?).
On top of all this today, my ex said he would like to have a family day with him, me, and our son this weekend. He also asked about grad school and wanted to know if he could come to my Master's degree ceremony next year. I know the answer is to DETACH, but it's so hard to break my codie habits.
On a good note, I'm moving tomorrow to a new apartment. I currently live in the apartment complex where my ex works. I picked this wonderful new apartment all by myself, signed the lease, paid the deposit, and I will move with the help and support of a few dear friends tomorrow. When I initially moved here, my ex helped me with the move and the apartment. Now, I can say I did this independently without his help. I know it might not seem like much, but for me, it's a sign that I can make life changes WITHOUT depending on him to help me in some way.
I know this is a long ramble/vent. Just felt like I had to get it out to the universe. I'm still feeling restless, but I might as well put this nervous energy into finishing my packing for tomorrow.
Thanks everyone!
It's been so healing and wonderful to read through all these threads. I'm so thankful I found this space.
So my hearing for temporary custody is coming up in about two weeks. Mediation went very well (i.e. the mediator saw through my AEXBF's lies very quickly) but now I'm feeling anxious about the hearing and a couple of other things.
Today, my AEXBF told me that he is going to file a response to my petition and he is asking for 50/50 custody. He did not get a lawyer because 1) he claims it's too expensive and 2) he insists that the judge will grant him 50/50 custody because I cannot prove my allegations (I wrote a long declaration with outlined his alcohol abuse and how it negatively affected our son---the main rationale behind my request for full physical custody).
Specifically, he now denies a recent incident in which he drove *very* drunk to my apartment at 4AM and then the morning after he told me, "I'm an alcoholic, I'm never changing, and our son needs to get used to seeing me like this." I asked him, "So you're saying I'm lying in my declaration?" And he said, "I never had that conversation with you. That's not true."
WHAT?? I don't have "proof" of this incident, so now the matter is a "he said/she said" situation. As a last resort, I will ask my counselor to write a statement about this incident because I spent several sessions with her expressing my fears and disappointments about this specific incident. I'm assuming I will need some kind of "proof" about this incident, especially because he claims I am lying and I also suspect that he may bring his wife as a witness to lie and claim that he was with her that night, or some nonsense like that (my ex didn't mention that he would do this, but he has pulled similar stunts like this in the past).
My ex also mentioned that he went out of town to visit some family and friends this weekend. He mentioned how everyone thinks I am crazy and jealous and over-reacting, and that I only filed for full custody because he got married. First, I recognize this as quaking. Second, I know I should not give a damn about what his family/friends think of me, but it still bothers me that he can run around and act like the victim and that this entire thing is simply because I was dumped and I'm just a bitter woman scorned. It's not fair, because that obviously isn't the case at all.
I have my son, my friends/family on my side, my lawyer, and myself. I need to concentrate on what I can manage, and simply let go of the rest. But why is letting go so hard? I'm so anxious about the hearing, about the need to prove my declaration against his lies, what his family/friends think, how to handle his wife as my son's new stepmother (I have not had a face-to-face conversation with her yet but I think it will be really painful for me---they started seeing each other when my ex and I were still together---I know she didn't win any prize here so why does this still hurt?).
On top of all this today, my ex said he would like to have a family day with him, me, and our son this weekend. He also asked about grad school and wanted to know if he could come to my Master's degree ceremony next year. I know the answer is to DETACH, but it's so hard to break my codie habits.
On a good note, I'm moving tomorrow to a new apartment. I currently live in the apartment complex where my ex works. I picked this wonderful new apartment all by myself, signed the lease, paid the deposit, and I will move with the help and support of a few dear friends tomorrow. When I initially moved here, my ex helped me with the move and the apartment. Now, I can say I did this independently without his help. I know it might not seem like much, but for me, it's a sign that I can make life changes WITHOUT depending on him to help me in some way.
I know this is a long ramble/vent. Just felt like I had to get it out to the universe. I'm still feeling restless, but I might as well put this nervous energy into finishing my packing for tomorrow.
Thanks everyone!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
I know it might not seem like much, but for me, it's a sign that I can make life changes WITHOUT depending on him to help me in some way.
You can make life without depending on ANYONE.
You can do it yourself.
That is huge. Keep that and hold it tight.
Beth
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
Gosh, the old saying comes to mind.
The man who represents himself in court, has a fool for a client.
Let him keep rambling, he will sink his own battleship.
Stay focused, you are on your way.
Congrats, on your new home!
The man who represents himself in court, has a fool for a client.
Let him keep rambling, he will sink his own battleship.
Stay focused, you are on your way.
Congrats, on your new home!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
O Oh no, not in my opinion, not in a million years would he be able to take any piece of my Master's graduation ceremony.
This belongs to you and only you.
How DARE he think he owns some of this?
Okay, I think I am angrier than you are.
I just, wow, the nerve of some drunks, is gob-smacking.
This, after calling you a liar and asking for 50/50 custody after his drunken drive to your place to let you know his son better get used to his stupid ass drunkenness.
I have a feeling he will not want the new wife to talk to you.
3 guesses why not, and the first two don't count.
You are right, he knows you will be honest.
Ask her if she can be nice to your son. If she can't, be honest and then you can limit his time with them (or at least her).
She will try, but your ex, if he is still drinking will leave that to her.
It hurts honey, cause he was cheating on you.
That sucks, but now it is over.
Be honest with her, and deal directly with her unless she is unreasonable.
That will be easy enough to pick up.
I am sure you will be on high alert for your son.
Okay, I am all over the place with this post.
First, no on the Master's ceremony. That is yours. What if he shows up drunk? EWWWWW
Next, the new wife. Yeah, it hurts cause he was cheating with her, but that is over now, and she has the prize.:rotfxko
Find out from her how she feels about your son and his spending time with them.
You will know soon enough if she is for real. Your ex will lie about it.
You are not being codie, just leftover reflexes from way back then.
That was then. This is now. And now belongs to YOU.
Beth
PS
on getting your Master's! I would be so proud!
n top of all this today, my ex said he would like to have a family day with him, me, and our son this weekend. He also asked about grad school and wanted to know if he could come to my Master's degree ceremony next year. I know the answer is to DETACH, but it's so hard to break my codie habits.
This belongs to you and only you.
How DARE he think he owns some of this?
Okay, I think I am angrier than you are.
I just, wow, the nerve of some drunks, is gob-smacking.
This, after calling you a liar and asking for 50/50 custody after his drunken drive to your place to let you know his son better get used to his stupid ass drunkenness.
I have a feeling he will not want the new wife to talk to you.
3 guesses why not, and the first two don't count.
You are right, he knows you will be honest.
Ask her if she can be nice to your son. If she can't, be honest and then you can limit his time with them (or at least her).
She will try, but your ex, if he is still drinking will leave that to her.
It hurts honey, cause he was cheating on you.
That sucks, but now it is over.
Be honest with her, and deal directly with her unless she is unreasonable.
That will be easy enough to pick up.
I am sure you will be on high alert for your son.
Okay, I am all over the place with this post.
First, no on the Master's ceremony. That is yours. What if he shows up drunk? EWWWWW
Next, the new wife. Yeah, it hurts cause he was cheating with her, but that is over now, and she has the prize.:rotfxko
Find out from her how she feels about your son and his spending time with them.
You will know soon enough if she is for real. Your ex will lie about it.
You are not being codie, just leftover reflexes from way back then.
That was then. This is now. And now belongs to YOU.
Beth
PS
on getting your Master's! I would be so proud!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Bay Area, CA
Posts: 188
Thanks, wicked and marie! I'm excited for the new apartment with my son and I. I don't know why I'm feeling so anxious and just in a runt tonight. I know moving will be the start of a new chapter, but I'm not sure why I feel this deep sense of...sadness? grief? pain? I have my own bright future with my son to plan and look forward to. I guess maybe I'm looking for a sense of closure for this part of my life.
Wicked, your second comment brought a smile to my face because you sound EXACTLY like my take-no-BS friend I have from childhood
Even though it comes off like "tough love," I know it's the truth. Thank you for sharing your wisdom!
No, he does not have a right to be at my Master's ceremony. That will be a special day for my son, family, and friends. I'm especially excited because I'm the first in my family who obtained a college degree, and now I will also be the first to get a graduate degree. I'm not stopping at my MA though, my program is a combo MA/PhD so I'll be working on my PhD next
In terms of the wife, I'm afraid she is even more codependent than I am and their relationship is pretty bad. When my ex finally confessed that he married her, he said, "I didn't marry her because I'm in love with her or because I want to spend the rest of my life with her. It's not that. I did it for a favor." (She is undocumented, so she can now get a green card due to her marriage to my ex.) After speaking with his family, I discovered that he told his parents/sisters the same thing BUT the wife's family does not know this. They truly think the marriage was for love. Plus, my ex's sisters have also said that my ex and verbally and physically abusive toward his ex. That means my son would be in a very unsafe home environment if he spends time with them. I know my task is to prove these allegations in court, but I know this is true because his family would not lie about these things. So back to the wife, no, I do not trust her because she accepts my ex's terrible behavior, or else she wouldn't have married him.
Also, I must add that my ex has been openly hitting on me and other women, he repeatedly claimed he was "single and on the market," and he never wears his wedding ring around me (I later found out he did all of these things AFTER he got married). Basically, their marriage is a disaster and I know their crazy fights will affect my son
Ugh, I'm giving them too much thought!!! But I cannot speak with my ex or his wife like rational people because they are deep in each other's sickness, denial, lies, cycle of abuse, etc.
Wicked, your second comment brought a smile to my face because you sound EXACTLY like my take-no-BS friend I have from childhood
Even though it comes off like "tough love," I know it's the truth. Thank you for sharing your wisdom!No, he does not have a right to be at my Master's ceremony. That will be a special day for my son, family, and friends. I'm especially excited because I'm the first in my family who obtained a college degree, and now I will also be the first to get a graduate degree. I'm not stopping at my MA though, my program is a combo MA/PhD so I'll be working on my PhD next
In terms of the wife, I'm afraid she is even more codependent than I am and their relationship is pretty bad. When my ex finally confessed that he married her, he said, "I didn't marry her because I'm in love with her or because I want to spend the rest of my life with her. It's not that. I did it for a favor." (She is undocumented, so she can now get a green card due to her marriage to my ex.) After speaking with his family, I discovered that he told his parents/sisters the same thing BUT the wife's family does not know this. They truly think the marriage was for love. Plus, my ex's sisters have also said that my ex and verbally and physically abusive toward his ex. That means my son would be in a very unsafe home environment if he spends time with them. I know my task is to prove these allegations in court, but I know this is true because his family would not lie about these things. So back to the wife, no, I do not trust her because she accepts my ex's terrible behavior, or else she wouldn't have married him.
Also, I must add that my ex has been openly hitting on me and other women, he repeatedly claimed he was "single and on the market," and he never wears his wedding ring around me (I later found out he did all of these things AFTER he got married). Basically, their marriage is a disaster and I know their crazy fights will affect my son
Ugh, I'm giving them too much thought!!! But I cannot speak with my ex or his wife like rational people because they are deep in each other's sickness, denial, lies, cycle of abuse, etc.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
OK, breathe.
Do NOT stress over the hearing. I'm a lawyer, and I can tell you that your lawyer is the one who can prepare you for testifying.
Judges do NOT need videotape or witnesses as proof of an incident. You and he are both witnesses. Witnesses OFTEN contradict each other. The judge's role is to decide who he or she believes MORE. It's not like a criminal case where stuff has to be proved beyond a reasonable doubt. It only has to be proved by a "preponderance of the evidence," which means the judge just has to believe you a LITTLE BIT more than him.
Ask your lawyer to prepare you. That's part of what you are paying him/her for. Since he is unrepresented, he is likely to ramble all over the place, and because he is lying, he is likely to contradict himself.
And MEGA congrats on the new apartment, managing the move yourself, and the accomplishment of getting a Master's degree! I'm with Beth, no invitation for him.
You are doing great, and you will make out fine at the hearing, I predict.
Do NOT stress over the hearing. I'm a lawyer, and I can tell you that your lawyer is the one who can prepare you for testifying.
Judges do NOT need videotape or witnesses as proof of an incident. You and he are both witnesses. Witnesses OFTEN contradict each other. The judge's role is to decide who he or she believes MORE. It's not like a criminal case where stuff has to be proved beyond a reasonable doubt. It only has to be proved by a "preponderance of the evidence," which means the judge just has to believe you a LITTLE BIT more than him.
Ask your lawyer to prepare you. That's part of what you are paying him/her for. Since he is unrepresented, he is likely to ramble all over the place, and because he is lying, he is likely to contradict himself.
And MEGA congrats on the new apartment, managing the move yourself, and the accomplishment of getting a Master's degree! I'm with Beth, no invitation for him.
You are doing great, and you will make out fine at the hearing, I predict.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Bay Area, CA
Posts: 188
Thanks, LexieCat and SolTraveler! I am meeting with my lawyer tomorrow to discuss the best strategy for the hearing. My son is 3 1/2 years old so I won't be able to get a statement from him haha
I moved today with the help of my friends, although I am staying here at my old apartment one more night because I have a few last items to move.
Well, in the midst of moving, my AEXBF had a friend serve me his response to my declaration. He wrote the following things:
-he is not an alcoholic (false)
-he has never drunk alcohol in front of our son (false)
-he does not drink and drive (false---he would often pour beer into a coffee mug and drink it *while* driving)
-he has always taken our son to all doctor appointments (false...once when my son was taken to the ER and very sick, he didn't even show up!)
-he insists I am only doing this because he got married (false! I'm doing this because he is a drunk! plus, he admitted to me and his family that his marriage is technically a fraud, because he insisted over and over that he only got married so his wife could become a legal resident because she is undocumented)
-claims he took care of our son when i would travel for school conferences (not true, my parents would watch him when I would travel for school)
-"I am highly offended by petitioner's request especially when she cannot drive my child anywhere in case of a major emergency." (I don't drive or own a car...so this makes me an unfit parent? I live in a major urban center and we have buses, rails, taxis, everything!)
When I asked him why he lied throughout his declaration, he started LAUGHING. He just kept smiling and saying, "You can't prove it."
I'm so disgusted and angry!
The only positive I can think of is that he has decided to not hire a lawyer. Best believe I am RUNNING to my lawyer's office first thing tomorrow morning so we can deal with this in the best manner possible.
Oh yeah, my ex also mentioned that if the judge grants my request, then he will simply move back to our hometown because "I took our child way from him" and he would no longer have a reason to be here. (I moved to a large city to start grad school and he came to be with my son.)
I'm so angry, scared, confused. WHY do they insist on twisting reality so much, at the expense of an innocent child who CANNOT be cared for by an active alcoholic???
I moved today with the help of my friends, although I am staying here at my old apartment one more night because I have a few last items to move.
Well, in the midst of moving, my AEXBF had a friend serve me his response to my declaration. He wrote the following things:
-he is not an alcoholic (false)
-he has never drunk alcohol in front of our son (false)
-he does not drink and drive (false---he would often pour beer into a coffee mug and drink it *while* driving)
-he has always taken our son to all doctor appointments (false...once when my son was taken to the ER and very sick, he didn't even show up!)
-he insists I am only doing this because he got married (false! I'm doing this because he is a drunk! plus, he admitted to me and his family that his marriage is technically a fraud, because he insisted over and over that he only got married so his wife could become a legal resident because she is undocumented)
-claims he took care of our son when i would travel for school conferences (not true, my parents would watch him when I would travel for school)
-"I am highly offended by petitioner's request especially when she cannot drive my child anywhere in case of a major emergency." (I don't drive or own a car...so this makes me an unfit parent? I live in a major urban center and we have buses, rails, taxis, everything!)
When I asked him why he lied throughout his declaration, he started LAUGHING. He just kept smiling and saying, "You can't prove it."
I'm so disgusted and angry!
The only positive I can think of is that he has decided to not hire a lawyer. Best believe I am RUNNING to my lawyer's office first thing tomorrow morning so we can deal with this in the best manner possible.
Oh yeah, my ex also mentioned that if the judge grants my request, then he will simply move back to our hometown because "I took our child way from him" and he would no longer have a reason to be here. (I moved to a large city to start grad school and he came to be with my son.)
I'm so angry, scared, confused. WHY do they insist on twisting reality so much, at the expense of an innocent child who CANNOT be cared for by an active alcoholic???
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hey, if he moves away from you, so much the better.
OK, just looking at your list, let's see. Are your parents available to testify they took care of your son when you traveled? What about any of your colleagues--could they testify you made comments about having to call your folks to see how your son was? Is there anyone from the doctor's office who could testify that YOU brought him to appointments? You don't have to disprove every single lie, but if you can prove he's lying about ANYTHING, his credibility is SHOT.
Don't pay any attention to his smirking or his taunts. It's a head game. Ignore it. Believe me, he is trying to rattle your cage. Don't let him! You have the truth on your side, and all you have to do is calmly tell it. I'm sure your lawyer will tell you, no matter WHAT he says in court, keep your cool. You want to project truthfulness and reasonableness. If you get angry and emotional in court it will hurt you.
You will be fine.
OK, just looking at your list, let's see. Are your parents available to testify they took care of your son when you traveled? What about any of your colleagues--could they testify you made comments about having to call your folks to see how your son was? Is there anyone from the doctor's office who could testify that YOU brought him to appointments? You don't have to disprove every single lie, but if you can prove he's lying about ANYTHING, his credibility is SHOT.
Don't pay any attention to his smirking or his taunts. It's a head game. Ignore it. Believe me, he is trying to rattle your cage. Don't let him! You have the truth on your side, and all you have to do is calmly tell it. I'm sure your lawyer will tell you, no matter WHAT he says in court, keep your cool. You want to project truthfulness and reasonableness. If you get angry and emotional in court it will hurt you.
You will be fine.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Bay Area, CA
Posts: 188
Hi LexieCat,
Yes, my parents can testify, although they live in my hometown (about seven hours away) so I think an affidavit from them might have to do for the hearing. Also, all my friends and colleagues in grad school know that my parents have always cared for my son when I've been out of town for conferences. I'm sure one of them would be more than willing to testify.
He also denied that he ever came to my apartment drunk at 4AM and entered without my permission. The next morning, he admitted he is an alcoholic and that our son has to get used to seeing him drunk. Now he DENIES this and he claims he never said this.
*However* I called my counselor this morning after I got my ex's response, and my counselor has agreed to write a statement because I spent several sessions with her discussing the incident in which he came over drunk and unannounced. Hopefully, that will sway the judge, correct? I'm sure my AEXBF will just run off at the mouth and get twisted in his own lies. The smiles/laughs are a dead give-away for lying, and I'm sure judges see this type of manipulation all the time---and hopefully can see right through it.
Asking for strength, hugs, and positive energy <3
Yes, my parents can testify, although they live in my hometown (about seven hours away) so I think an affidavit from them might have to do for the hearing. Also, all my friends and colleagues in grad school know that my parents have always cared for my son when I've been out of town for conferences. I'm sure one of them would be more than willing to testify.
He also denied that he ever came to my apartment drunk at 4AM and entered without my permission. The next morning, he admitted he is an alcoholic and that our son has to get used to seeing him drunk. Now he DENIES this and he claims he never said this.
*However* I called my counselor this morning after I got my ex's response, and my counselor has agreed to write a statement because I spent several sessions with her discussing the incident in which he came over drunk and unannounced. Hopefully, that will sway the judge, correct? I'm sure my AEXBF will just run off at the mouth and get twisted in his own lies. The smiles/laughs are a dead give-away for lying, and I'm sure judges see this type of manipulation all the time---and hopefully can see right through it.
Asking for strength, hugs, and positive energy <3
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
No, your counselor would have to testify. See, he gets the right to cross-examine any witnesses. It's not possible to cross-examine an affidavit or letter, you see? It's considered hearsay and the court won't consider it.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Incidentally (before you ask) it is generally impossible to have witnesses testify by phone, as well. Only in VERY rare instances would that be allowed--and this would most likely not be one of them.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Bay Area, CA
Posts: 188
I see. Thanks, LexieCat!
I think my ex will probably dig himself into a hole with the judge very quickly, based upon the sheer number of lies in his response.
Ah, these next few days until my hearing are going to be so difficult
I think my ex will probably dig himself into a hole with the judge very quickly, based upon the sheer number of lies in his response.
Ah, these next few days until my hearing are going to be so difficult
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
Sending hugs and wishing you continued strength, Butterfly. AXH made the same types of declarations about getting 50/50 (or even taking DS completely away from me), me having to pay HIM both child support and spousal support. The list of boasts goes on. He said I had no proof of the abuse, no one ever saw, I never told any one...
He got an attorney, failed to pay, failed to communicate, attorney filed to withdraw and was allowed, so AXH represented himself through the main hearing. Short of it was, he had no one to keep his lies straight or to coach AXH and his GF to coordinate stories or to warn him when what he was about to say was oh so wrong. ('Stop. Driving without a valid license IS a crime, no matter that AXH just "forgot" to renew it YEARS ago.')
Prepare, prepare, prepare. Keep to the facts and breathe.
He got an attorney, failed to pay, failed to communicate, attorney filed to withdraw and was allowed, so AXH represented himself through the main hearing. Short of it was, he had no one to keep his lies straight or to coach AXH and his GF to coordinate stories or to warn him when what he was about to say was oh so wrong. ('Stop. Driving without a valid license IS a crime, no matter that AXH just "forgot" to renew it YEARS ago.')
Prepare, prepare, prepare. Keep to the facts and breathe.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
butterfly,
I want to send a big hug and say, hold tight, you got this my friend.
Alcoholics lie and smile while doing it.
I did it all the time, I got away with more than most because I am a female.
The new wife thinks she married for love and he tells everyone, including his ex wife that it was just for her green card status.
Wow. That is cold. You are so lucky to be away, and I hope your son will have less and less time with him.
There are good role models out there.
It is so sad, but your son will have one excellent sober parent around, and I am sure you will find some manly activities for the 3 and 1/2 year old to do. LOL
If he is like other alcoholics, if he continues to drink, his interest in his son will wane with the drive to visit, or the cost of gas, or the cost of the airline tickets.
He will give himself away in court somehow.
These judges and mediators have their own language or shorthand when it comes to this business day in and day out.
They will see what he is with a quickness.
So, if his "toy" were taken away, he will take himself away from his son to do what?
Hurt you? Hurt his son? Make it difficult to visit him?
Geez. What a maroon. I would say that does not sound good to a family court judge.
If I do not get my way, I will run away and eat worms.
I am so glad I do not drink anymore.
but, still have some step work to do on my judgmental attitude.
I will pray your husband finds recovery and learns to be a good parent for your son.
I am thinking of you and will be praying for you.
Driving in an emergency with one of my children, I would not be a very good driver.
That is why I would call 911.
People who are trained to handle emergencies and drive to the hospital (in emergency vehicles so designated that other regular vehicles get out of the way!) if necessary.
That is one sad reason to be "highly offended" by your petition.
It actually sounds ludicrous when you think about it.
Sorry my post is so wackadoodle. Yes,that is a technical term.
Stay calm, you are right here. His reply is one lie after another,
and like Lexie says, once one lie is proven, everything he says comes under suspicion after that.
Judge Judy says it too! heheheheh
You are prepared with the truth, he is unprepared with his lies.
Odds are definitely in your favor.
Beth
I want to send a big hug and say, hold tight, you got this my friend.
Alcoholics lie and smile while doing it.
I did it all the time, I got away with more than most because I am a female.
The new wife thinks she married for love and he tells everyone, including his ex wife that it was just for her green card status.
Wow. That is cold. You are so lucky to be away, and I hope your son will have less and less time with him.
There are good role models out there.
It is so sad, but your son will have one excellent sober parent around, and I am sure you will find some manly activities for the 3 and 1/2 year old to do. LOL
If he is like other alcoholics, if he continues to drink, his interest in his son will wane with the drive to visit, or the cost of gas, or the cost of the airline tickets.
He will give himself away in court somehow.
These judges and mediators have their own language or shorthand when it comes to this business day in and day out.
They will see what he is with a quickness.
Oh yeah, my ex also mentioned that if the judge grants my request, then he will simply move back to our hometown because "I took our child way from him" and he would no longer have a reason to be here. (I moved to a large city to start grad school and he came to be with my son.)
Hurt you? Hurt his son? Make it difficult to visit him?
Geez. What a maroon. I would say that does not sound good to a family court judge.
If I do not get my way, I will run away and eat worms.
I am so glad I do not drink anymore.
but, still have some step work to do on my judgmental attitude.
I will pray your husband finds recovery and learns to be a good parent for your son.
I am thinking of you and will be praying for you.
Driving in an emergency with one of my children, I would not be a very good driver.
That is why I would call 911.
People who are trained to handle emergencies and drive to the hospital (in emergency vehicles so designated that other regular vehicles get out of the way!) if necessary.
That is one sad reason to be "highly offended" by your petition.
It actually sounds ludicrous when you think about it.
Sorry my post is so wackadoodle. Yes,that is a technical term.
Stay calm, you are right here. His reply is one lie after another,
and like Lexie says, once one lie is proven, everything he says comes under suspicion after that.
Judge Judy says it too! heheheheh
You are prepared with the truth, he is unprepared with his lies.
Odds are definitely in your favor.
Beth
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Bay Area, CA
Posts: 188
Thanks, theuncertainty and Beth!! Your words of support are exactly what I needed to hear.
I spoke with my lawyer yesterday and I feel a little bit better. In my initial declaration and now in my reply to his declaration, I only wrote the truth and I'm assuming my ex will get twisted in his numerous lies quite easily at the hearing. Although I'm scared about the custody outcome, I have the truth on my side, and I have friends and family who can testify that a number of things that he wrote are simply false.
I agree, it's very sad that he said he would simply move back to the bay area if the judge grants my request. In his mind, lying about his alcohol abuse is easier than admitting his problem and taking accountability for his poor parenting.
The driving thing is just ridiculous. But in a way, it's a plus for me, because he literally cannot find anything else to criticize about me or my parenting.
I also hope he finds recovery. It is clear he is a deeply damaged individual, and I know he has told me in that past that he suffered from abuse and trauma as a child. It's obvious he turned to alcohol in order to self-medicate his unresolved pain. I do hope one day, for his sake and my son's sake, that he decides to seek recovery in order to become a better person and a better father. But at this point, he seems to be sinker further and further into denial And even as much as I dislike his wife (she knew my ex and I were together when they started dating), I know she does *not* deserve verbal or physical abuse from my ex
Alcoholics simply don't seem to have any limit regarding the path of destruction they leave in their wake. But as the al-anon saying goes, I did cause it, I cannot control it, and I cannot cure it. I though this custody dispute would be my ex's "rock bottom," but it is not. So I just gotta focus on myself and my child and keep it moving.
I spoke with my lawyer yesterday and I feel a little bit better. In my initial declaration and now in my reply to his declaration, I only wrote the truth and I'm assuming my ex will get twisted in his numerous lies quite easily at the hearing. Although I'm scared about the custody outcome, I have the truth on my side, and I have friends and family who can testify that a number of things that he wrote are simply false.
I agree, it's very sad that he said he would simply move back to the bay area if the judge grants my request. In his mind, lying about his alcohol abuse is easier than admitting his problem and taking accountability for his poor parenting.
The driving thing is just ridiculous. But in a way, it's a plus for me, because he literally cannot find anything else to criticize about me or my parenting.
I also hope he finds recovery. It is clear he is a deeply damaged individual, and I know he has told me in that past that he suffered from abuse and trauma as a child. It's obvious he turned to alcohol in order to self-medicate his unresolved pain. I do hope one day, for his sake and my son's sake, that he decides to seek recovery in order to become a better person and a better father. But at this point, he seems to be sinker further and further into denial
And even as much as I dislike his wife (she knew my ex and I were together when they started dating), I know she does *not* deserve verbal or physical abuse from my ex Alcoholics simply don't seem to have any limit regarding the path of destruction they leave in their wake. But as the al-anon saying goes, I did cause it, I cannot control it, and I cannot cure it. I though this custody dispute would be my ex's "rock bottom," but it is not. So I just gotta focus on myself and my child and keep it moving.
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