jlakoduk

I've been in the closet for years. My wife found out about my problem about 3 weeks ago. I was so bad she called 911. An ambulance showed up with two police cars. Not good. My wife had no idea how bad I was but I blew a .30. They said they couldn't take me away for being drunk at home so they left. Of course, she then did a big search of the house. Found some more alcohol. I haven't had a drink since but I'm disgusted and embarrassed with myself.
So much more I'd like to get into but I am curious if this forum is private? When I originally searched, this is the first one to come up. I want to be sober (have been for 3 weeks) but I also want a private place we can all speak without worry of others seeing it if they search google. I'm a private person in general, but this is something I want to seek help for but not have the entire Internet world knowing about.

Thank you, everyone.

Dee74

Hi jlakoduk

We take peoples privacy very seriously - none of the information you gave us when you signed up is shared, your profile is only open to other members here, and our private message system is private between you and the recipient.

but...it's good to remember this is an open forum.

That means anything you post is able to be read, by anyone, or searched via Google. It's so that people can find us - like you did.

If you're worried about privacy I recommend you use a unique username that you don't use anywhere else...and keep in mind it's the internet - once you put something out there, it's out there.

Hundreds of thousands of people have used SR tho - I think you'll find it's safe here - and welcoming

D

Kayla50

Privacy is very serious among our people. If you can reach out now and get help that is a huge step. I waited around way too long and my ex-husband enabled me as I got worse and worse. Get help!! And good job!!

wiscsober

I am glad you are alive and have the decision to live a sober life. I hope your wife is well.

It is your decision to the degrees of divulging you are comfortable with....maybe read a lot of other posts ... make sure you read sticky notes...

SR is very respectful and have excellent moderation of posts.

Hevyn

Welcome to SR - we're so glad to have you here.

I had no one in my life who really understood what I was going through - so I was very relieved when I found this place. If you've been white-knuckling it for 3 weeks, I think you did the right thing to reach out. We all need to know we're not alone. Congratulations for wanting a better life for yourself and your family. You can do this, j.

jlakoduk

Thank you, everyone. I have a huge back-story, which even I am even blown away by. Literally crying about it now (just thinking about it) but I just wanted to be ok with the privacy factor. I have used a bogus name for this, so I think it's ok.

I really appreciate you guys. Thank you all so much. My life has literally gone to sh!t because of this. Medically-wise, everything-wise. Ugh ....

Anna

We really do understand how hard and overwhelming this can be. We have a great community of people here, a family really, so please continue to read and post.

Dee74

We all understand that place. Most, if not all of us, have been there
Better days are ahead - it's never too late for a second chance

D

oak

Welcome! Glad you found us. Your post brought back memories of hiding it from my husband and so much shame and despair. It does get better!

Opivotal

Welcome jlakoduk! I think many of us came here feeling as you do. SR was by far, my best google find! The support here is amazing!

jlakoduk

Thanks to everyone. I've been living a lie forever. Even fooled my surgeons. I will not go into details yet but it's amazing how many one can fool. And thinking about that makes me feel worse, overall. but better about the past 3 weeks. Guys/Ladies, I'm sure many of you have worse stories than I (Haven't had time to dig into them yet) but thank you all for the warm welcome. I am 3 weeks out but not in a good place. And all the people I've lied to makes me literally sick!

Hevyn

Try not to dwell on that, j. I was stuck on guilt, remorse, & regret for a long time and I wasn't able to move forward with my life until I forgave myself. We don't set out to do out-of-character or dangerous things - it comes with our alcoholism. We have no control over what happens once we get it in our system. That's why I can't ever touch it again.

Give yourself a break and be kind to yourself. One day the bad times will be just a dim memory. You can rise above this chapter and have a great life.

DisplacedGRITS

Don't allow yourself to be shackled to your past. Give yourself some sober time to get a better sense of self and some self esteem back. You will eventually be able to make ammends to people but it's not something you want to do right away. Concentrate on one day at a time and build your self esteem up a little. Be gentle with yourself.

jlakoduk

I completely understand what everyone has said. but I really fooled everyone until recently (the fool = myself).

jlakoduk

Thanks Again, everyone. I am so stuck in the middle right now. Yuck!

venuscat

Listening to your pain makes me remember how excruciating those feelings can be. I, too, fooled many people for a very long time. The depths of my lies and deceptions are mind-blowing. Many of us here have felt the same way ~ and it really is possible to learn to forgive yourself.

But right now that is a lot to deal with; just focus on one day at a time, and stay here....lots of amazing support and love here.

Hevyn is right, you can have a great life!

Venus xx

Delilah1

Welcome to SR!! I don't think there is a person on this website who hasn't made choices they regret in the past. Focus on the future, you can control all of your choices and remember mistakes are just lessons learned. (I have learned many lessons!!!!)

Glad you are here.

Kayla50

The more sincere effort you put forward will ease your heart and you will start seeing and feeling forgiveness from yourself and those you have hurt Keep striving.

jlakoduk

I'm hanging in there. No drinks now for 3+ weeks. Had a great doctor appointed yesterday (came clean). Doctor was more than great!

FreeFall

Welcome to SR! I'm so glad you found us-you will get support and realize you're not the only one. I think it's good that you're realizing that fooling people hurt you and made things worse. Once you can own up to what's really going on they'll be able to deal with your medical issues better and it may help your wife understand you more.