finding peace in recovery
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Cheltenham
Posts: 2
finding peace in recovery
This is the 4th time I have quit in the last 4 years, and well the 3rd time this year.
I have smoked weed since I was 15 years old. Only quitting for a few months at a time but never longer than a year. Im 37 now.
And I never knew that it was what was insediosuly ruining my whole life.
I lost my only real love because of it 15 years ago... I alienated friends and got invloved with the wrong groups of people. I had a bad time studying and working although somehow... and I think I must be one of those high functioning addicts , I have managed to progress in my career and have three university degrees. 7 years ago I managed to fall in love with a pot smoking, mood swinging agreesive, pathalogical liar, cheater - mostly 'drug dealer' and had a child with him before that too ended in a horrid and vile divorce where I nearly lost my job through stress. (Though gladly I am over that now)
I have quit this time for good.
I can say this becasue I know it to be true.
I have relinquished my druggy friends, even those I am fond off, changed my phone number, deleted contacts and embraced the healthy life that I have been dabling with. Eating a 60%raw food vegan diet with fish to get the omegas which I undertsand is amazign for brain healing.
At christmas I quit for 4 months, Im March I quit for 2 months and ran a 10K. And then I quit for 2 weeks in April. Each time my body is less toxic and the pain of withdrawl eases.
I must say the eye ache and lack of good sleep does seem to be better each time but alas it still hurts and makes normal functioning day-to-day so very tricky. but I have found fresh fruit smoothies and salads and a clean diet really helps. I am running again but the last relapse found me smoking a lot more than ususal. so my lungs hurt. feel as though I have a flu. Im on day 4 this time.
Why the relapses.. a bad boyfriend and a sense of soemthing missing..
both parts of that eqaution are gone! 
Does anyone else have severe lung pain on one side? I have had a congested lung for some years now on the left side. SOmetimes after a heavy session fueled with alcohol and other drug my left lung was too painful to lie on in bed. i am telling myself its not serious becasue I plan to heal every cell in my body with daily excercise, good food, nourishing sleep (in time, as I know that after a few months thta does return) and yoga nidra.
I stay away from doctors and hospital as much as possible.
And yes I am sad to say that after my husband left I went down hill, I found ketamine and nearly killed myself I was so low... but somehow i think my k friends were my disguised saviours, i went to other lands and other realms and touched God face almost. It was a powerful journey out of my body. I knew I was worth more to God or whatever the force was that keeps us all here.
but yes It made me ill and I have very swollen lympth nodes that became very sore. but it also didnt last. Im too old for that kinda of stuff. and Im a mother so dont slate me, my son was never with me on those occasions. My ex was narcissist who would watch us be homeless and destitute and still never cared....
but what im trying to say it that you can find peace... in recovery... in sobriety. I ve tasted it a few times this year and i believe that I know can firmly feel the catastrphic difference between those two states. When Im running, being a great mum, tending to my garden and so forth i know im really living. I won an award at my work for outstanding client support last week, (i work with disabled people) I can see the instant and direct Karma..
And dont get me wrong canabis oil for curing cancer is amazing and for some people the odd joint isnt a problem, but when you cant say to yourself 'right ill not smoke for a week or 30 days and that becomes impossible then you know you have a problem and you are giving away your power to a substance - that does not discriminate - it does not mind what age you are or where you come from or how strong or weak you are in general.
If some thing is detrimental to your brain, your lungs, to every cell in your body and you cant stop then you are addcited.
I finally feel free. I am at the beggining again but this time I know that I have made a commitment to God to hand over the drugs. I immerse myself in Rich Roll / the extreme health radio podcasts and get out in the sun, and live each day with a feeeling that the best is yet to come...
To think that i lived in a haze and fog, that I achived so much in that deadened state, (what can I do not on drugs) and in a crazy spectrum of bad mood swings, and through all things I lost, so many people who were dear to me becasue I couldnt walk away form the stupid drug.
well I learned a lot about me I guess but I am here to say that you can feel good again. and I know that it can get hard as you hit the month mark or later. There does seem to be a chemical imbalance in the brain that makes it hard to produce the correct chemicals that keep us feeling on the level. like the vacum where the canaboise were doign there thing.. and I know that this is why I have gone back.
But I know also that I went back because of the lonliness that I was smoking to cover up. Ive heard it described as God shaped hole. Im not a Christian but I do know that God (whatever that word means to you) is sorley lacking in our lives. I think since the Spring began and I have been closer to nature I have felt that hole be filled up, if just a little, and I am sure that this time the hole will become full up.. I dont want to lose another moment, another lover or another friend, another important thing becasue of the negative relationship I had with pot that took precedence over everything else I had in my life. No more hunting down a stupidly expensive bag from one dodgy dealer or another, no more falling asleep in a druggy haze or waking up with pain in my heart and lungs, no more hanging out with people that I dont even like just to get a smoke. I am done and I love the peace I have found in my sobriety.
What helps you to not relapse. I would love to know.??
I am watching the little heads of the seeds I planted in my garden pop up there little heads out of the darkness of the soil. I kinda feel like a seed in Spring time, forcing up through the crumbly dark soil and pushing out into the light.. I feel really do feel very postive that this time I shall shine with healing and self care and be like a huge sunflower that started out as a little seed in the darkness.
I never posted here before, just read, maybe becasue I knew I wasnt ready. I hope that you will not mind my ramble..
P.S i cant wait for the wacky and sometimes scary dreams to subside...
Qing
I have smoked weed since I was 15 years old. Only quitting for a few months at a time but never longer than a year. Im 37 now.
And I never knew that it was what was insediosuly ruining my whole life.
I lost my only real love because of it 15 years ago... I alienated friends and got invloved with the wrong groups of people. I had a bad time studying and working although somehow... and I think I must be one of those high functioning addicts , I have managed to progress in my career and have three university degrees. 7 years ago I managed to fall in love with a pot smoking, mood swinging agreesive, pathalogical liar, cheater - mostly 'drug dealer' and had a child with him before that too ended in a horrid and vile divorce where I nearly lost my job through stress. (Though gladly I am over that now)
I have quit this time for good.
I can say this becasue I know it to be true.
I have relinquished my druggy friends, even those I am fond off, changed my phone number, deleted contacts and embraced the healthy life that I have been dabling with. Eating a 60%raw food vegan diet with fish to get the omegas which I undertsand is amazign for brain healing.
At christmas I quit for 4 months, Im March I quit for 2 months and ran a 10K. And then I quit for 2 weeks in April. Each time my body is less toxic and the pain of withdrawl eases.
I must say the eye ache and lack of good sleep does seem to be better each time but alas it still hurts and makes normal functioning day-to-day so very tricky. but I have found fresh fruit smoothies and salads and a clean diet really helps. I am running again but the last relapse found me smoking a lot more than ususal. so my lungs hurt. feel as though I have a flu. Im on day 4 this time.
Why the relapses.. a bad boyfriend and a sense of soemthing missing..
both parts of that eqaution are gone! Does anyone else have severe lung pain on one side? I have had a congested lung for some years now on the left side. SOmetimes after a heavy session fueled with alcohol and other drug my left lung was too painful to lie on in bed. i am telling myself its not serious becasue I plan to heal every cell in my body with daily excercise, good food, nourishing sleep (in time, as I know that after a few months thta does return) and yoga nidra.
I stay away from doctors and hospital as much as possible.
And yes I am sad to say that after my husband left I went down hill, I found ketamine and nearly killed myself I was so low... but somehow i think my k friends were my disguised saviours, i went to other lands and other realms and touched God face almost. It was a powerful journey out of my body. I knew I was worth more to God or whatever the force was that keeps us all here.
but yes It made me ill and I have very swollen lympth nodes that became very sore. but it also didnt last. Im too old for that kinda of stuff. and Im a mother so dont slate me, my son was never with me on those occasions. My ex was narcissist who would watch us be homeless and destitute and still never cared....
but what im trying to say it that you can find peace... in recovery... in sobriety. I ve tasted it a few times this year and i believe that I know can firmly feel the catastrphic difference between those two states. When Im running, being a great mum, tending to my garden and so forth i know im really living. I won an award at my work for outstanding client support last week, (i work with disabled people) I can see the instant and direct Karma..
And dont get me wrong canabis oil for curing cancer is amazing and for some people the odd joint isnt a problem, but when you cant say to yourself 'right ill not smoke for a week or 30 days and that becomes impossible then you know you have a problem and you are giving away your power to a substance - that does not discriminate - it does not mind what age you are or where you come from or how strong or weak you are in general.
If some thing is detrimental to your brain, your lungs, to every cell in your body and you cant stop then you are addcited.
I finally feel free. I am at the beggining again but this time I know that I have made a commitment to God to hand over the drugs. I immerse myself in Rich Roll / the extreme health radio podcasts and get out in the sun, and live each day with a feeeling that the best is yet to come...
To think that i lived in a haze and fog, that I achived so much in that deadened state, (what can I do not on drugs) and in a crazy spectrum of bad mood swings, and through all things I lost, so many people who were dear to me becasue I couldnt walk away form the stupid drug.
well I learned a lot about me I guess but I am here to say that you can feel good again. and I know that it can get hard as you hit the month mark or later. There does seem to be a chemical imbalance in the brain that makes it hard to produce the correct chemicals that keep us feeling on the level. like the vacum where the canaboise were doign there thing.. and I know that this is why I have gone back.
But I know also that I went back because of the lonliness that I was smoking to cover up. Ive heard it described as God shaped hole. Im not a Christian but I do know that God (whatever that word means to you) is sorley lacking in our lives. I think since the Spring began and I have been closer to nature I have felt that hole be filled up, if just a little, and I am sure that this time the hole will become full up.. I dont want to lose another moment, another lover or another friend, another important thing becasue of the negative relationship I had with pot that took precedence over everything else I had in my life. No more hunting down a stupidly expensive bag from one dodgy dealer or another, no more falling asleep in a druggy haze or waking up with pain in my heart and lungs, no more hanging out with people that I dont even like just to get a smoke. I am done and I love the peace I have found in my sobriety.
What helps you to not relapse. I would love to know.??
I am watching the little heads of the seeds I planted in my garden pop up there little heads out of the darkness of the soil. I kinda feel like a seed in Spring time, forcing up through the crumbly dark soil and pushing out into the light.. I feel really do feel very postive that this time I shall shine with healing and self care and be like a huge sunflower that started out as a little seed in the darkness.
I never posted here before, just read, maybe becasue I knew I wasnt ready. I hope that you will not mind my ramble..
P.S i cant wait for the wacky and sometimes scary dreams to subside...
Qing
to SR! I'm glad you found us and joined the family! 
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Pine Grove, PA
Posts: 146
"What helps you to not relapse. I would love to know.??" I would want to know more about how to stay sober than worry about not relapsing. What are you doing to stay sober obviously what you did before did not work? Try not using one day at a time instead of what might happen tomorrow>
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CAPE COD, MA
Posts: 1,020
Welcome. The answer to the question is simple: don't pick up the first drink and/or complicate it and things. Simple although not easy. That's why I Still attend AA after many years and read the advice from the good people here. It all helps. AA is spiritual NOT religious and has helped millions around the world if they want to get better. BE WELL
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
