Omnom

Cravings are really bad today. Fighting it and trying to ignore. Keep coming back all I can think about is getting high. Ugh. I'm at 17 days. Can't start over. Just wish they would go away!!!

StevenT

Thanks for coming on here and sharing your truth with us 17 days is a long time. You have a little experience with not picking up regardless of what your head or emotions tell you. I know for me a part of it is just getting the truth of the matter out in the open. Instead of fighting it, try surrendering to the face that you're going to crave. You're going to want. You're an addict! That's completely normal. The only important thing is that you don't act out on it. Don't make that choice and move into action and everything will turn out fine. Just remember how you felt last time you were laying in bed, ready to go to sleep, joyous and free because you didn't need a chemical to get you through the day.

Omnom

I agree my life feels so much more manageable. I can't stand wanting it. Is this ever going to stop? It doesn't deserve a space in my brain.

Omnom

I think what sucks the most is that there is a part of me that wants it. I can't seem to understand how there can be two sides. Just want it to stop.

gmanriley

Go for a walk...The fresh air does wonders.

Omnom

I'm at work so I'm okay. It's just stuck in my brain today. I'm unpacking and stuff in my new place after work so I should be okay. It's the thought that I want to leave. It's the feeling the thinking I need some etc. just wish it could disappear. It's like a constant reminder that I don't need. Does that make sense?

souper1

this to shall pass you are doing the right thing by sharing

gmanriley

Everything makes sense when the demon has a hold on you...don't let him win...be strong.

Omnom

Ill be strong.. Just want it to go away. Makes me mad.

souper1

I just got back from my AA meeting, I lost my licence, had to ride my bike, I don't like riding it , to me it is degrading. but for me I drink I get into trouble I go to jail... I've got some time sober, so I don't have cravings anymore just thoughts I have to think it threw. The promises do come true.

Omnom

I honestly just want to cry. I know know why they say you should never try it and that it will steal you. I feel like I don't own my own thoughts right now and it makes me so angry. I regret ever touching it. I don't want to want this for the rest of my life. Did I really chose that for myself ? I'm angry.

Omnom

My whole mood changed. I was happy and free spirited. Now I'm annoyed. Getting it out does help right now.

BFD

Awwww. I am right there with you. The last couple of days have been a real bear. Must be something in the air? Hang in there. Keep posting. It does pass, little by little. The more you post and get out what's on your mind, the less it loops in your head, if that makes sense. I am happy to see you post here instead of looping, and then maybe talking yourself into "just a little"... It will pass. 17 days is HUGE! It's also smack dab in the middle of PAWs, and this is all normal thinking. It gets better. I think I remember day 18 being absolutely amazing.

Omnom

I think this is the worst day yet. I actually have tears in my eyes and I feel so stupid.

Omnom

I'm so glad I'm broke and have no money right now. Just saying :/

ex D-Boy

Hey omnom if you feel like crying, go head and ball out!! It's okay, we spent so long drowning out our emotions in opiates (or any drug for that matter) and now sober these feelings need to come out! Don't feel embarrassed or guilty or ashamed.

I can also promise that if you are feelin sad or angry, after crying or screaming and punching a pillow, you will feel SO much better. Keep up the fight, I am rooting for you

StevenT

I can definitely understand that. Sometimes you just have to sit on your hands. I'm starting to get some thoughts popping back up, and I'm glad that I have a very solid foundation right now. My schedule is full enough to keep me busy enough to keep me away from too much temptation.

I've heard the saying that idle time is the devils work. Try to fill your time up. Make commitments, plans, whatever. Surround yourself with healthy people. If you don't know any, go find some! If nothing else, 12 step meetings have good, clean and sober people in them that like to get to know people.

You never know what will happen until you try!

yukonm

Unfortunately, there is no magic wand to make your cravings disappear. They will lessen the longer you are clean. Just know that each craving will subside and like many have said....do not cave in. Don't act upon it. We are here pulling for you, YOU CAN DO IT.

BFD

Please don't ever feel stupid for feeling anything. I had a hard time with the emotion thing, too. I'm by nature not a very emotional woman. Before opiates, I could count on both hands how many times I cried. After... well, heck, since recovery alone I've bawled over sunshine, flowers, feelings, memories, you name it! It's ridiculous what sets us off these days, lol. But this is all part of recovery! Just feel. It all passes, and it's good for us. "Healing" crying, I suppose.

joygirl

It's okay! It's soooo hard, I know. But I felt like you do, regrets and such. I got some good advice from someone on here: let all the negative past go. It will hold you back. Also, take (DOC) off the table. It is no longer an option, never will be. Now a deep breath. And smile. It is going to get better each day. Please believe what everyone has said. It's true. That voice in your head wanting drugs is lying to you. Its insidious. Keep posting and reading. Try the others' suggestions. We believe in you!