BFD

The last 24 hours or so have just been so rough. Right now, I'm as close to relapsing as I've ever been. I don't have anything really uplifting to say here. I'm not going to use. I just don't feel like fighting it anymore right now. I'm tired. I'm so tired of this fight. I'm at work and staring at the walls, wishing I'd never known about this junk. I wish I was still happy. How can one little tiny pill ruin the last 6 weeks of progress in less than 5 minutes? Evil fn pill. I'm pissed, I'm sad, I'm lonely, I'm tired. Sorry about the depressing post. Can't force it today. I know these days come and go. I'll hang in there. Just wanted to get my feelings out.

cutie

BFD...the program teaches us that we are never alone...pick up the phone call your sponsor or a contact from the mtgs...you are worth it...the only requirement for this program is not to use...the feelings you are experiencing will pass...stop dwelling and start living!

Good luck keep posting!

1Dayatatyme

Hi BFD,
You mentioned in one of your posts that you had taken tabs ( did you mean Lortabs) after your recent surgery. Your mood could be in response to using, even if it was for legitimate pain. Maybe you are experiencing withdrawal, not physically, but mentally and emotionally. Maybe you are just plain wore out. Take care of yourself.. whether that means finding support, as was suggested, by attending an NA or AA meeting, resting, having something nutritionally sound to eat, or drink some water to make sure you are hydrated. Just don't use... do not pick up... You will be back to square one if you do.
Your posts help me realize that I can manage my pain without opioids.... a topical and some ibuprofen, along with my heating pad will have to do.... I do not want to ever experience the first 30 days again. Stay strong.

BFD

You guys are pretty much my sponsors. I won't use. Actually, just typing out my feelings has helped a lot. And yes, 1Day, they were Lortabs. I bet you're right. Someone else just mentioned that, too. Who would have thought just 7 of those pills would do this.

cutie

Our disease is cunning baffeling and powerful...glad you feel better!!

Omnom

Feel your pain today. I'm fighting today as well. It sucks!!

StevenT

As you have probably heard before, feelings aren't facts. Doesn't mean they don't suck, but there is an end to it. A light after the night, so to speak. I assume you've been through chemical DT before, and if so you know from personal experience the "fog" lifting.

At the end of the day, just today, you will feel good if you rest in the knowledge that you didn't have to use today. You chose to remain sober and face life without chemical fortitude. Tomorrow will come whether we worry about it or not, and yesterday is already past.

I'm not sure where you are with the twelve steps, but I assume you've done something with them in the past or possibly present. I was told that surrender is the best way to win this battle, in fact it is the only way.

Hope this helps

BFD

I have never done a step-program. I did some drug counseling last year to prepare for sobriety, and attended an NA meeting. Perhaps I was just not "there" yet; I might go to another meeting to see if it resonates at all this time. I am enjoying your posts, thank you for sharing your wisdom.

Stilltrecking

BFD if you work the steps they work. I can almost guarantee you that AA when done correctly is probably the best tool to a happy and successful sober life. I enjoy AA because it really stresses atonement and better of yourself. You will realize how much better you feel once you are actively trying to become a better person.

scotchbotch

I always believe that it's good to know that you can be strong, but even better to know that you don't always have to be strong. You've helped a lot of people here and are an inspiration to all, good days and bad days. Keep posting....

joygirl

Ditto what SB said.
You are alive and we are the better for it.
Joy

goingtobeok

I'm having a rough nite 2 BFD. Im achy & irritable. I'm just bound & determined to get back to happiness. You are not alone. Ready for day 6. We will find our way back!

BFD

Hang in there. We will all get through this.

LostConfused

Hang in there. You are sober today and that has to give you some sort of smile

sparky78

Don't quit before the miracle happens, you've come to far!! Everyone has bad days, the great thing is that they have good days too. The tricky part of early sobriety is dealing with feelings & realizing they won't kill you, but get easier to deal with.Using only guarantees bad days, and an inability to feel the truly good days. You life is not worth a few moments of being in a coma induced high when good times that you can really experience are on the horizon. Hang in there, it gets much better!!