Addicts Blame Others
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 559
Addicts Blame Others
This weekend I think I am coming to an emotional epiphany. I went through some major things with my xah, and I have slowly gotten to this point.
I was reading this (about why addicts blame others):
Blaming Others to Hide Your Bad Behavior
I have hard time understanding why my xah was so angry at me. Why he blamed me for everything. I supported everything he did. You read and read and read and think and think and think and analyze and analyze...I am finally understanding.
I look back on our relationship, and realized after reading the above article, that this man was so selfish. Not just when he was on cocaine, but even before that.
He was always able to manipulate me into getting everything he wanted. But, what I just realized was just how good he was. When he abandoned us, he turned me in to this villian. Like I was this controlling b*&^%. He told this other woman nasty things about me that just weren't true. But, hearing it all hurt. You almost for a second start to believe it. I was just watching some really old videos I found right around the time he started cheating on me, and I thought, wow, I am a really nice person. I was sweet, loving and a good mom. He was so distant.
I was sitting outside just realizing that it is time to just let go a little more. That I have no idea what I did to make him hate me, pull away from me, cheat on me. I realize that no matter what descions we made together or what financial stress we were under, did not give him the right to do what he did. I also remember trying so hard to make it work. I was the one who talked about issues, and bent over backwards trying to change aspects of my personality for him. In the end, I was tip toeing around him. I couldn't talk to him about anything, and he basically just did what he wanted. What a great manipulater! He made me feel so bad about about myself. Also looking back on it all, I see how utterly irresponsible and childish he was. He messed everything up, and I was left to organize and plan everything...therefore I became the evil controlling woman! HA! Now, I see that he was no grown up by any means. I couldn't trust him to mail a bill. Seriosuly.
To this day I will never regret what we had. I loved him very much and would have done anything to have made it work. But, I am glad I don't have to live with his immaturity anymore. And, of course, I deserve so much better. I have also realized that I am a good person. I am caring and I think of others. I am smart and love my son so very much. I find it interesting I have more self esteem without him.
So, I shed another layer of hurt. I am accepting more and more. And, I am seeing it for what it really was. It is over, and it really is for the best.
Also, it doesn't matter what he felt about me or what he was or is thinking. I don't know and will never know. All I can focus on is me. What I was and am feeling and how I do things to make me 100% healthy and happy.
I don't want to ever loose myself worth again. It feels good to like myself.
I was reading this (about why addicts blame others):
Blaming Others to Hide Your Bad Behavior
I have hard time understanding why my xah was so angry at me. Why he blamed me for everything. I supported everything he did. You read and read and read and think and think and think and analyze and analyze...I am finally understanding.
I look back on our relationship, and realized after reading the above article, that this man was so selfish. Not just when he was on cocaine, but even before that.
He was always able to manipulate me into getting everything he wanted. But, what I just realized was just how good he was. When he abandoned us, he turned me in to this villian. Like I was this controlling b*&^%. He told this other woman nasty things about me that just weren't true. But, hearing it all hurt. You almost for a second start to believe it. I was just watching some really old videos I found right around the time he started cheating on me, and I thought, wow, I am a really nice person. I was sweet, loving and a good mom. He was so distant.
I was sitting outside just realizing that it is time to just let go a little more. That I have no idea what I did to make him hate me, pull away from me, cheat on me. I realize that no matter what descions we made together or what financial stress we were under, did not give him the right to do what he did. I also remember trying so hard to make it work. I was the one who talked about issues, and bent over backwards trying to change aspects of my personality for him. In the end, I was tip toeing around him. I couldn't talk to him about anything, and he basically just did what he wanted. What a great manipulater! He made me feel so bad about about myself. Also looking back on it all, I see how utterly irresponsible and childish he was. He messed everything up, and I was left to organize and plan everything...therefore I became the evil controlling woman! HA! Now, I see that he was no grown up by any means. I couldn't trust him to mail a bill. Seriosuly.
To this day I will never regret what we had. I loved him very much and would have done anything to have made it work. But, I am glad I don't have to live with his immaturity anymore. And, of course, I deserve so much better. I have also realized that I am a good person. I am caring and I think of others. I am smart and love my son so very much. I find it interesting I have more self esteem without him.
So, I shed another layer of hurt. I am accepting more and more. And, I am seeing it for what it really was. It is over, and it really is for the best.
Also, it doesn't matter what he felt about me or what he was or is thinking. I don't know and will never know. All I can focus on is me. What I was and am feeling and how I do things to make me 100% healthy and happy.
I don't want to ever loose myself worth again. It feels good to like myself.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 180
So glad to hear you are feeling better and remembering what it's like to not believe horrible things about yourself that these addicts try to make you believe. You didn't do anything to make him treat you that way. He is selfish.
I too remember tip toeing around my ex so many times. I always said I feel like I had to walk on eggshells around him......to the point where I believed he had borderline personality disorder. To this day, I don't know if it's the drugs, or BPD or maybe both. All I know is it doesn't matter because you should never feel that you cannot express your thoughts or opinions to someone without them verbally attacking you, walking out, going off in a rage, etc.
I too remember tip toeing around my ex so many times. I always said I feel like I had to walk on eggshells around him......to the point where I believed he had borderline personality disorder. To this day, I don't know if it's the drugs, or BPD or maybe both. All I know is it doesn't matter because you should never feel that you cannot express your thoughts or opinions to someone without them verbally attacking you, walking out, going off in a rage, etc.
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