easiersaid

The past two weeks have been full of codependent craziness. I'm exhausted. I'm losing my patience with my children. I'm yelling too much. I hate how I'm behaving. I just sent a text to their dad. Earlier today I asked him what he had used this morning. He told me I'm having paranoid delusions and they are taking a toll on our relationship. I sent him this: "Im not having paranoid delusions. I think you have been using for the past couple of weeks and I can't keep pretending like it's okay. I'm very worried about you. I think it would be a good idea for you to get some help before it's too late. I love and care about you and so do your daughters. Im gonna have to distance myself from this or I'm gonna lose myself again." I know this won't make him quit. I know he has to do it on his own and that nothing I say matters and he will come back at that with denial. But I can't continue letting him think he can get away with it around me. There's always an excuse.. He was up late, he's exhausted, he took sudafed(?), he ate bad fish at work, he's just not feeling good... Blah blah blah. I know when he's using and I know when he's withdrawing. And I'm stupid for getting sucked right back into his bulls**t. I feel the chaos every time he's around when he's using again. I have a final paper due tomorrow. On codependency. I'm the definition of it.

JenEss

Do you have any support around this situation?

In my experience with this, I need to take a step back. I need to focus only on myself and my life and what I'm doing. When I get caught up in what someone else is doing and not doing, I become useless because I am so drained emotionally and I'm channeling my energy negatively.
It's so much easier said then done and that's why I'm asking if you have support with this.

easiersaid

My counselor asked me the same question. The answer is no. Other than those alanon groups I need to start attending.. Im just having a really hard time today.

JenEss

Those groups will help you gain back a sense of sanity. There are people there experiencing the exact same thing as you. They will share their experience, strength and hope with you to help you do what is right for you.
You are the one you need to focus on. No matter what, you will always be with you. Your husband/bf may not always be around. That's why we need to live our lives for us, not others.
I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.