update- I am worse than I thought
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 166
update- I am worse than I thought
Please don't attack me. Know that I am hurting, confused and trying to navigate doing the right thing here. Last week, on 4/17, the court dismissed my AXGF petition for visitation of my kids. I was nervous and didn't engage in conversation with her in court. After court, I started getting text messages about how I stole them, how happy I must be, and could she see them "one last time" to say good bye. I refused. My girls and I are going on a cruise May 1-9, she knows this.
She asked me Friday night to get together, just her and I. I have had alot of issues with feeling like she is only interested in my kids, and that I don't matter. We have never had issues in the bedroom, that has always been good. Anyway, she asked me to meet alone, basically for that reason. I agreed, got a babysitter and met her. We spent 2 hours together and it was wonderful. I was upset because she bought a new vehicle, going into debt another $17,000. I tried to talk to her about her drinking, she said she doesn't have a problem, she can control it. I came home from the meeting, got online and bought her a $1000 ticket for the cruise.
The next day, I woke up really upset with myself. I couldn't believe after all the misery she put me through i spent $1000 on a ticket! I called her to talk to her, explaining it wasn't her fault, i was upset with myself. She said if I didn't want her to go, she understood, that she didn't have to let her job know until this week. i told her no it was about feeling used, re:the money. She said she couldn't afford to pay anything and didn't want to owe me money. i called the cruise line and was able to cancel the ticket. While i was on the phone with them she left me a message that she would pay for half if that was better. By then it was too late.
I decided to let her see the kids at Mcdonald's for 2 hours. they had a great time, it is obvious they missed her. She offered to go to camp, to take us out to dinner, etc. Activities that 4 months ago i would've given my right arm to have. All I wanted was for her to spend time with me. I dropped her home, she said if i wanted her to come over, just call...she'd be there in a heartbeat. I did text her a few hours later...no response. She text me at midnite saying she had fallen asleep when i dropped her off and just woke up.
Sunday, I went to 830a service, she actually went to that one too, but sat in the back and left before i got out...so i never saw her. I was disappointed that she didn't initiate attending with me and the kids, but went with her drinking buddy instead. She then went out to lunch with him. Later she met us at the playground for 2 hours, which again the kids loved. We went grocery shopping and then to my house. I asked her to stay fro dinner but she refused. She said she didn't want my friends to give me grief over her being there so soon after court. i was crying and upset, my 5yo was upset. She left.
She had said to me over the course of the weekend, that she had given up hope on the relationship last Fall, when i let my best friend use the garage...thus she interpreted it to mean she wasn't important. (the garage has ALWAYs been a major fixation for her) She admittedly hates my best friend, and the feeling is mutual. My best friend lives across the street, works on all my rentals and has been verbally abused by my XAGF several times. My best friend has told me in no uncertain terms that if my XAGF comes back she is moving. My ex has said that unless I am willing to put "boundaries" on my friendship with her, I need to "let her go" (meaning my XAGF) she can't hurt again like this.
She called and text Sunday night but I text that i was tired and didn't want to talk. I was awake most of the night. I text her at 2am, that i needed to not have contact until after the cruise, because she has made it clear that if I am not willing to change, she needed me to let go completely.
Now the other issue: I think I have PTSD from this whole situation. From Friday night on, i had a sick anxiety in my stomach. Sat and sun, i spent most of the time crying...my abandonment issues getting tricggered over and over. i had this ACHE to cleave to her, this fear of her motives, and total indecision about the situation. I truly don't believe my friendship with my BF can change. i have no idea what she means by boundaries and she has never been able to tell me. Lastly, the anxiety and crying with contact has got to be an unconscious reaction to being triggered. SHE was the one saying it would be okay, not to get upset, etc. She is also pushing for me not to change the youngest birth certificate.
By yesterday evening, my peace returned. I had only text contact yesterday, briefly. This morning, she started blaming me for playing games with her and the kids, trying to hurt her. i didn't respond. She asked me to please call her. i told her I would call her later, since work was busy. I am confused.
A week ago, before court, I was upset and out of town away from my kids. I had spoken to her, and she seemed very happy. Content with her life. She had not even entertained the idea of losing. When I was expressing my anguish over this relationship between her and I was totally broken. She agreed, saying we wouldn't ever be together again but we needed to be civil for the kids. I got upset, once again feeling like she was only interested in my kids. She became very harsh, saying i don't listen, always talk at her, and she wasn't going to fight with me, and then said goodbye and hung up. Now, all of a sudden, she wants to work on a relationship? She wants my BF, who is truly like my family, out of my life? Basically for me to choose?
The kids loved seeing her, they missed her terribly. After going to her apartment to pick her up Sat., I still don't feel like i would be comfortable with her taking them unsupervised. She insists that she felt forced to file because I kept preventing her from seeing the kids. I will admit, that near the end, I was so upset, that I did insist she not come over. I was angry and did not want to deal with it. I don't believe that constitutes keeping them from her.
Part of me is wondering, how much of this is me? My dysfunction? She didn't do anything wrong this weekend...she was understanding, kind, loving. I kept thinking...if I had just met her, how perfect she was for me and my kids. Then all those alarm bells started going off. With such a bad gut reaction, I am now feeling like I don't know what if any contact is worth that pain.
She asked me Friday night to get together, just her and I. I have had alot of issues with feeling like she is only interested in my kids, and that I don't matter. We have never had issues in the bedroom, that has always been good. Anyway, she asked me to meet alone, basically for that reason. I agreed, got a babysitter and met her. We spent 2 hours together and it was wonderful. I was upset because she bought a new vehicle, going into debt another $17,000. I tried to talk to her about her drinking, she said she doesn't have a problem, she can control it. I came home from the meeting, got online and bought her a $1000 ticket for the cruise.
The next day, I woke up really upset with myself. I couldn't believe after all the misery she put me through i spent $1000 on a ticket! I called her to talk to her, explaining it wasn't her fault, i was upset with myself. She said if I didn't want her to go, she understood, that she didn't have to let her job know until this week. i told her no it was about feeling used, re:the money. She said she couldn't afford to pay anything and didn't want to owe me money. i called the cruise line and was able to cancel the ticket. While i was on the phone with them she left me a message that she would pay for half if that was better. By then it was too late.
I decided to let her see the kids at Mcdonald's for 2 hours. they had a great time, it is obvious they missed her. She offered to go to camp, to take us out to dinner, etc. Activities that 4 months ago i would've given my right arm to have. All I wanted was for her to spend time with me. I dropped her home, she said if i wanted her to come over, just call...she'd be there in a heartbeat. I did text her a few hours later...no response. She text me at midnite saying she had fallen asleep when i dropped her off and just woke up.
Sunday, I went to 830a service, she actually went to that one too, but sat in the back and left before i got out...so i never saw her. I was disappointed that she didn't initiate attending with me and the kids, but went with her drinking buddy instead. She then went out to lunch with him. Later she met us at the playground for 2 hours, which again the kids loved. We went grocery shopping and then to my house. I asked her to stay fro dinner but she refused. She said she didn't want my friends to give me grief over her being there so soon after court. i was crying and upset, my 5yo was upset. She left.
She had said to me over the course of the weekend, that she had given up hope on the relationship last Fall, when i let my best friend use the garage...thus she interpreted it to mean she wasn't important. (the garage has ALWAYs been a major fixation for her) She admittedly hates my best friend, and the feeling is mutual. My best friend lives across the street, works on all my rentals and has been verbally abused by my XAGF several times. My best friend has told me in no uncertain terms that if my XAGF comes back she is moving. My ex has said that unless I am willing to put "boundaries" on my friendship with her, I need to "let her go" (meaning my XAGF) she can't hurt again like this.
She called and text Sunday night but I text that i was tired and didn't want to talk. I was awake most of the night. I text her at 2am, that i needed to not have contact until after the cruise, because she has made it clear that if I am not willing to change, she needed me to let go completely.
Now the other issue: I think I have PTSD from this whole situation. From Friday night on, i had a sick anxiety in my stomach. Sat and sun, i spent most of the time crying...my abandonment issues getting tricggered over and over. i had this ACHE to cleave to her, this fear of her motives, and total indecision about the situation. I truly don't believe my friendship with my BF can change. i have no idea what she means by boundaries and she has never been able to tell me. Lastly, the anxiety and crying with contact has got to be an unconscious reaction to being triggered. SHE was the one saying it would be okay, not to get upset, etc. She is also pushing for me not to change the youngest birth certificate.
By yesterday evening, my peace returned. I had only text contact yesterday, briefly. This morning, she started blaming me for playing games with her and the kids, trying to hurt her. i didn't respond. She asked me to please call her. i told her I would call her later, since work was busy. I am confused.
A week ago, before court, I was upset and out of town away from my kids. I had spoken to her, and she seemed very happy. Content with her life. She had not even entertained the idea of losing. When I was expressing my anguish over this relationship between her and I was totally broken. She agreed, saying we wouldn't ever be together again but we needed to be civil for the kids. I got upset, once again feeling like she was only interested in my kids. She became very harsh, saying i don't listen, always talk at her, and she wasn't going to fight with me, and then said goodbye and hung up. Now, all of a sudden, she wants to work on a relationship? She wants my BF, who is truly like my family, out of my life? Basically for me to choose?
The kids loved seeing her, they missed her terribly. After going to her apartment to pick her up Sat., I still don't feel like i would be comfortable with her taking them unsupervised. She insists that she felt forced to file because I kept preventing her from seeing the kids. I will admit, that near the end, I was so upset, that I did insist she not come over. I was angry and did not want to deal with it. I don't believe that constitutes keeping them from her.
Part of me is wondering, how much of this is me? My dysfunction? She didn't do anything wrong this weekend...she was understanding, kind, loving. I kept thinking...if I had just met her, how perfect she was for me and my kids. Then all those alarm bells started going off. With such a bad gut reaction, I am now feeling like I don't know what if any contact is worth that pain.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
No new contact = no new hurts.
She is not perfect for you and your kids.
If you cannot save yourself, remember that you must save the children.
Do you believe this?
Please leave the kids out of it.
Please pattyg, never bring them back into it.
She is not perfect for you and your kids.
If you cannot save yourself, remember that you must save the children.
I tried to talk to her about her drinking, she said she doesn't have a problem, she can control it.
Please leave the kids out of it.
Please pattyg, never bring them back into it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Part of me is wondering, how much of this is me? My dysfunction? She didn't do anything wrong this weekend...she was understanding, kind, loving. I kept thinking...if I had just met her, how perfect she was for me and my kids. Then all those alarm bells started going off. With such a bad gut reaction, I am now feeling like I don't know what if any contact is worth that pain.
Beth
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
what is your true motivation here patty? are you upset she didn't get visitation thru the courts? cuz the moment the court DISMISSED her claim, you went all out to connect with her....so far as ditching the kids to go spend time with her????? i think you need to STOP and THINK and get your priorities straight cuz your words kinda say one thing, but your actions are telling an entirely different story here.........
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
I'm sorry you are hurting, Patty.
Interestingly enough, those times when I thought I was confused--I wasn't. I just did not LIKE the choices in front of me. It's not that I did not know the better path, but it was a hard path. Choosing it meant losing something I wanted--something I wanted even though I knew it was NOT the best option for my happiness and well-being in the long run.
Interestingly enough, those times when I thought I was confused--I wasn't. I just did not LIKE the choices in front of me. It's not that I did not know the better path, but it was a hard path. Choosing it meant losing something I wanted--something I wanted even though I knew it was NOT the best option for my happiness and well-being in the long run.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
All I wanted was for her to spend time with me. I dropped her home, she said if i wanted her to come over, just call...she'd be there in a heartbeat. I did text her a few hours later...no response. She text me at midnite saying she had fallen asleep when i dropped her off and just woke up.
You want to spend time with her, and she wants your kids.
This does not end well for the children, not that I see.
Not even a week after the dismissal of her case to take the children from you?
Do you think your ex is a good mother?
A good role model?
A good life partner?
Is she still drinking and does not have a problem?
Why wasn't the dismissal of her case against you the end of your relationship with her?
No need to answer anything here.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Patty, I feel for you. I have been in a place as dark as you are in right now and I remember the hopelessness and confusion very well. The good news is, I was able to leave that place and haven't been back in years and years. But it did not happen by accident. It was a choice.
I hear in your posts a need for acceptance from someone who, you admit, treats you very badly and disrespectfully. And not only acceptance but affection, real feeling, and care-taking. That she is an alcoholic is not really the issue here. The issue is that she has repeatedly shown that she cannot or will not give you what you need from her. And when push comes to shove she will not only deny you these things but go on the attack and try to take what is most precious to you.
The only person who is capable of giving you all that you need is you.
I'm gonna say that again:
The only person who is capable of giving you all that you need is you.
When we feel badly about ourselves, when we are not ready to forgive ourselves (for damages real or imagined), when we are not ready to love ourselves, we seek out people who will treat us in the way we think we deserve to be treated. Our choices of partners reflects how we feel about ourselves.
We don't learn to love ourselves by clinging to the toxic relationships of our past. We learn by taking care of ourselves, surrounding ourselves ONLY with people who treat us well (whether we believe we deserve it or not!), and by getting to know who we are not in relation to other people ("X's daughter", "Y's girlfriend"). It is incredibly scary to be on our own when we don't believe we are worthy even of our own love, but it gets easier, every day. And you have four lovely little ones who think you are the best person in the world -- so you have a great head start right there.
No new contact = no new hurts. Stop punishing yourself. You don't deserve it.
Sending strength and courage your way.
I hear in your posts a need for acceptance from someone who, you admit, treats you very badly and disrespectfully. And not only acceptance but affection, real feeling, and care-taking. That she is an alcoholic is not really the issue here. The issue is that she has repeatedly shown that she cannot or will not give you what you need from her. And when push comes to shove she will not only deny you these things but go on the attack and try to take what is most precious to you.
The only person who is capable of giving you all that you need is you.
I'm gonna say that again:
The only person who is capable of giving you all that you need is you.
When we feel badly about ourselves, when we are not ready to forgive ourselves (for damages real or imagined), when we are not ready to love ourselves, we seek out people who will treat us in the way we think we deserve to be treated. Our choices of partners reflects how we feel about ourselves.
We don't learn to love ourselves by clinging to the toxic relationships of our past. We learn by taking care of ourselves, surrounding ourselves ONLY with people who treat us well (whether we believe we deserve it or not!), and by getting to know who we are not in relation to other people ("X's daughter", "Y's girlfriend"). It is incredibly scary to be on our own when we don't believe we are worthy even of our own love, but it gets easier, every day. And you have four lovely little ones who think you are the best person in the world -- so you have a great head start right there.
No new contact = no new hurts. Stop punishing yourself. You don't deserve it.
Sending strength and courage your way.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Southwest
Posts: 1,207
Patty,
At your children's ages, they need for this to go one way or the other. Either she IS actively in their lives for the long haul or she is OUT of their lives. They will recover if they never see her again, even if they like her.
You need to stop playing games with their sense of attachment. This is insanity - almost as if you are using them as bait to get her attention. Please don't do this.
At your children's ages, they need for this to go one way or the other. Either she IS actively in their lives for the long haul or she is OUT of their lives. They will recover if they never see her again, even if they like her.
You need to stop playing games with their sense of attachment. This is insanity - almost as if you are using them as bait to get her attention. Please don't do this.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 166
Hydro and sparkle,
Thank you so much. You are right, I know the right decision, I just don't like it. She doesn't treat me well and for some reason I think I deserve it. As much as the rest of u feel justified in crucifying me...I am a single mother of 4 little kids and caretaker for my 90 yo mom. I missed the person I THOUGHT was my partner, my mate. I love her, I wanted to be a family with her. I can feel her pain in losing them and it hurts me.
I am giving myself credit for taking a step back rather then plunging in again. Not following thru with her going on the cruise. True to form...today when we spoke, she villianized me, called me every evil thing she could think of, Hung up and blocked me. I blocked her as well, because I don't need random feel like sh*t texts.
Thank you so much. You are right, I know the right decision, I just don't like it. She doesn't treat me well and for some reason I think I deserve it. As much as the rest of u feel justified in crucifying me...I am a single mother of 4 little kids and caretaker for my 90 yo mom. I missed the person I THOUGHT was my partner, my mate. I love her, I wanted to be a family with her. I can feel her pain in losing them and it hurts me.
I am giving myself credit for taking a step back rather then plunging in again. Not following thru with her going on the cruise. True to form...today when we spoke, she villianized me, called me every evil thing she could think of, Hung up and blocked me. I blocked her as well, because I don't need random feel like sh*t texts.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,295
Wow, Patty...how long has this cycle of you giving and then taking away been going on?
You give the children as hers also with a birth cert, then you take them away. You had her live as your SO in your house, then you took that away, right? The garage...what else? I know you are the money maker and she is not...You give a few hours of visitation, then you take it away...You give a cruise, then you take it away...
This is how I started to get better. This is when I moved away, stepped back as far as necessary from a toxic relationship until it was ready to truly heal or forever be banned...
Not only did I want to stop hurting...I wanted to stop hurting others. I really really wanted to stop hurting others...very very much.
How did I do that?
Accept them as they are, or stay away.
You give the children as hers also with a birth cert, then you take them away. You had her live as your SO in your house, then you took that away, right? The garage...what else? I know you are the money maker and she is not...You give a few hours of visitation, then you take it away...You give a cruise, then you take it away...
This is how I started to get better. This is when I moved away, stepped back as far as necessary from a toxic relationship until it was ready to truly heal or forever be banned...
Not only did I want to stop hurting...I wanted to stop hurting others. I really really wanted to stop hurting others...very very much.
How did I do that?
Accept them as they are, or stay away.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
I don't think anyone is crucifying you here but you, Patty.
Ok, so you did what you did. It's done. You fell off the codie wagon. These are your choices, not ours. You can choose differently tomorrow. Or not. Entirely up to you. But instead of being mad at others honesty here, or worrying about your ex, I'd kindly suggest you spend some time thinking about your own motivations.
Being honest with others is easy. Being honest with oneself is the challenge.
Good luck!
~T
Ok, so you did what you did. It's done. You fell off the codie wagon. These are your choices, not ours. You can choose differently tomorrow. Or not. Entirely up to you. But instead of being mad at others honesty here, or worrying about your ex, I'd kindly suggest you spend some time thinking about your own motivations.
Being honest with others is easy. Being honest with oneself is the challenge.
Good luck!
~T
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 166
Blue skies...I was willing to coparent with her including the birth certificate if she could step up to the plate and actually be there. She chose to take off with her buddy instead. I dont see asking her to not come over thus depriving her of never more than 1 week taking the kids. Yes, I had her move out when the violence escalated and she slapped my then 4yo in the face and my best friends 6 to a few days later. Yes, the cruise was wrong. Yet she can go out and buy herself a new truck but not pay for any part of her ticket? It was never my intent to take the kids away. I let her see them both days this weekend. She decided to end it today.
As far as accept her as she is...I had been trying to do that. Letting her come and go as she pleased. Bring whoever she wanted around the kids. Even when I set boundaries like I didn't want her buddy at my camp with the kids, she did it anyway behind my back.
The breaking point was when she filed in court. I saw my kids around her criminal addict friends without me there to protect them.
It seems you are saying that I should've given her custody/Visitation? Let her stay after she slapped my toddler? Paid for a cruise when she is driving a new truck and just put me in $2500 debt for a lawyer?
Yes, I can admit, I have an issue with control when it comes to my kids, especially. This is my fault. I let her believe they were hers too. I let them bond to her. And if u look at my other posts, I have been torn with removing them from her life...no matter have many times I have been warned about having an A around my kids. Because I gave my word. She has decided to not be in their life anymore. This was what she said she would do if she lost. I am sorry it is so hard for you to understand how horrible this feels. I feel like and addict missing their DOC.
As far as accept her as she is...I had been trying to do that. Letting her come and go as she pleased. Bring whoever she wanted around the kids. Even when I set boundaries like I didn't want her buddy at my camp with the kids, she did it anyway behind my back.
The breaking point was when she filed in court. I saw my kids around her criminal addict friends without me there to protect them.
It seems you are saying that I should've given her custody/Visitation? Let her stay after she slapped my toddler? Paid for a cruise when she is driving a new truck and just put me in $2500 debt for a lawyer?
Yes, I can admit, I have an issue with control when it comes to my kids, especially. This is my fault. I let her believe they were hers too. I let them bond to her. And if u look at my other posts, I have been torn with removing them from her life...no matter have many times I have been warned about having an A around my kids. Because I gave my word. She has decided to not be in their life anymore. This was what she said she would do if she lost. I am sorry it is so hard for you to understand how horrible this feels. I feel like and addict missing their DOC.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 166
Tuffgirl,
No offense, I come here for support, not to be told I am using my kids as bait, or dumping them to see my ex. I realize that for whatever reason, my situation has struck an ugly nerve in people. But I am in my kitchen crying after feeding and bathing everyone, feeling like a horrible person. I feel like this is all my fault. I have hurt my ex, my kids, myself.
No offense, I come here for support, not to be told I am using my kids as bait, or dumping them to see my ex. I realize that for whatever reason, my situation has struck an ugly nerve in people. But I am in my kitchen crying after feeding and bathing everyone, feeling like a horrible person. I feel like this is all my fault. I have hurt my ex, my kids, myself.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
Hi Patty,
Just want to say, I don't think you are being attacked here.
I would definitely go no contact with your exGF.
You sound like you are in love with her and it is clouding your judgement.
You have it as your sig, "No new contact, no new hurts".
You are all your kids need at the moment.
Just leave everything the way it is at the moment.
And, please don't alienate that best friend.
No contact. Don't feel bad about exGF, she has a new truck!
Tomorrow is another day.
Just want to say, I don't think you are being attacked here.
I would definitely go no contact with your exGF.
You sound like you are in love with her and it is clouding your judgement.
You have it as your sig, "No new contact, no new hurts".
You are all your kids need at the moment.
Just leave everything the way it is at the moment.
And, please don't alienate that best friend.
No contact. Don't feel bad about exGF, she has a new truck!
Tomorrow is another day.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 166
I am going to truly try to stay NC. I wanted to find a solution that would work for everyone..her, me the kids. I didn't anticipate not being able after 4 months to be around her with a flood of feelings. I had hoped that she could stay in their lives in a limited way, but that isn't enough for her. My best friend has AIDs and is like family to me. I can't imagine losing her in any way. Yet I do love my ex and the dream I had. That is gone now and I don't want to hurt her anymore.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
Patty-
As I think I stole the No contact = no new hurts from another site (and had to mutter it to myself for months).
How do you feel when you are no contact with you ex?
How do you feel when you get back in contact?
From my observation of your posts being in contact is not good for you. It makes you moody, worried and depressed. It also seems to question your ability to take care of you and of your kids. You are enough of a reason to not be in contact.
The part about it not mattering if it was "good" for the other person was the hardest part for me to learn on my co-dependent rollarcoaster.
I forget what kind of support do you have in place for you? You are trying to juggle a lot (any of which is stressful, but all together is incredibly challenging).
We cross posted so edited to add.
I am 2.5 years out from regulary seeing my loved one....I still get flooded with emotions when I see from a distance. For me four months was really, really early and I was still all about what I could do for him at that time.
As I think I stole the No contact = no new hurts from another site (and had to mutter it to myself for months).
How do you feel when you are no contact with you ex?
How do you feel when you get back in contact?
From my observation of your posts being in contact is not good for you. It makes you moody, worried and depressed. It also seems to question your ability to take care of you and of your kids. You are enough of a reason to not be in contact.
The part about it not mattering if it was "good" for the other person was the hardest part for me to learn on my co-dependent rollarcoaster.
I forget what kind of support do you have in place for you? You are trying to juggle a lot (any of which is stressful, but all together is incredibly challenging).
We cross posted so edited to add.
I am 2.5 years out from regulary seeing my loved one....I still get flooded with emotions when I see from a distance. For me four months was really, really early and I was still all about what I could do for him at that time.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 166
Life,
When I have had contact, most times it is like that first rush of a drug. Then reality sets in...I know it will turn...the question is when. I have felt so abandoned by this relationship, that having contact this weekend was hard. I cried, had a pit in my stomach, ached inside. I wanted to climb inside her and never let go. Yet...I knew it was ending because I can't give up my best friend. She along with a few other friends are my support system. I went limited contact Sunday nite (text) and by Monday afternoon I felt so much better. After her tearing into me and hanging up, I am upset again.
When I have had contact, most times it is like that first rush of a drug. Then reality sets in...I know it will turn...the question is when. I have felt so abandoned by this relationship, that having contact this weekend was hard. I cried, had a pit in my stomach, ached inside. I wanted to climb inside her and never let go. Yet...I knew it was ending because I can't give up my best friend. She along with a few other friends are my support system. I went limited contact Sunday nite (text) and by Monday afternoon I felt so much better. After her tearing into me and hanging up, I am upset again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 166
Hydro,
I do believe she loves the kids and to me, I can't imagine the pain of losing them. Yet I wouldnt have done anything to jeopardize that. I see and hear the pain in her voice. Yet she acts most times like she hates me, with the things she posts.
Such as:
The kids know I'm there other parent... I don't know how u can sleep at night. U must b filled with so much hate that u can't see or care to see the damage u r doing to the kids
U r aren't justified in stealing and destroying my kids love for me. Or using me for one last f*ck. I hope one day u realize what u have done. U and ur best friend can hi-five now
I do believe she loves the kids and to me, I can't imagine the pain of losing them. Yet I wouldnt have done anything to jeopardize that. I see and hear the pain in her voice. Yet she acts most times like she hates me, with the things she posts.
Such as:
The kids know I'm there other parent... I don't know how u can sleep at night. U must b filled with so much hate that u can't see or care to see the damage u r doing to the kids
U r aren't justified in stealing and destroying my kids love for me. Or using me for one last f*ck. I hope one day u realize what u have done. U and ur best friend can hi-five now
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