Nellas

Hi all! First post here! I'll keep this short, because I'm sure my story mirrors so many others'. I've been drinking at least one bottle of wine, more often almost two, every day for the last two years. I tried quitting again 1 week ago, but slipped and bought a bottle two days ago. I felt MISERABLE the next morning. So now I'm a day and a half sober, I guess. I've been drinking sparkling juices at night to control the cravings, and just to have a glass in my hand. Dumb idea, I know, but it keeps me from losing it completely.

For the last year, I felt like I was drinking myself to an early grave. And I didn't care. That's the worst part of it, really. I fully expected to be dead in ten years (I'm 32), and I didn't give a damn.

It's still hard to imagine never having a sip of wine again EVER, but I think that's how it has to go for me. I'm not drinking it because it's yummy anymore, I'm drinking to die.

Or I was, anyway. Ugh. Typing this out made me sad.

Grymt

Thank you for sharing. I did too and then I cared again.

Mirage74

Welcome, Nellas! I can totally relate to what your wrote. I remember about the time I became a full-fledged alcoholic, about 12 years ago, I consciously thought to myself, "I can't imagine life without drinking. Drinking is what life is all about. If it kills me, it kills me, I don't care." I drank that way for a long time. For about the past year of my drinking, I wanted to die too, but I didn't know how. All I know is I didn't want to live. All the misery it has brought me made me finally decide there must be another way. I'm new too, on day 11, and it has been hard, but worth it so far. I think you are making the right decision. Keep hanging around and reading up on other people's struggles and you will see that most of us have gone through exactly what you are going through. Good luck

least

Drinking turned me into a person I despised. I hated myself every morning when I woke up sick as hell. I didn't know what I'd do with my time if I didn't drink. I found out I could do anything... and do it better too.

I love living sober. I love waking up feeling good. I love the feeling I have that I'm worth something, that I don't hate myself anymore.

You couldn't convince me to drink again. I do so much better without it.

Nellas

My boyfriend and I just bailed on plans to hang out with friends of ours tonight, who are real booze hounds. I just don't know how I could spend an evening with them, surrounded by wine and cheese and whisky, and not partake. Has anyone ended up losing friends this way?

I should mention that my boyfriend is attempting to quit as well. He seems to always have an easier time with it than I do. No night sweats, nightmares, or cravings.

Thanks for your support!

Mizzuno

Thank you for sharing. Life can be lived without Alcohol. SO many of us have taken the steps into sobriety and you know what? Its beautiful. I try to think of all the things that i am accomplishing while not under the influence. I am in school, pursuing my own business and am generally happy. I do not want to think in terms of never again. I am thinking in terms of today and the next few hours. I am thinking in terms of accomplishment and what I can do. Sure, i have my moments and life will be life. I just know that I am not able to live a full life with Alcohol. You are only 32, and there is so much in life to explore. Keep your head up. The first few weeks are a struggle. I promise that it will get easier.

Dib42

Actually, if that works, it sounds like a brilliant idea to me. The only dumb idea would be to fill that glass with wine.


As far as never having another sip of wine again, who care? Sounds like were more into drinking a bottle than having a sip. Which I don't blame you, anything worth doing, is worth doing right, and a sip of wine is boring.

Nellas

^^oh yeah, it was definitely about the bottle, not the sip. Wine (and alcohol in general), was just an occasional thing I did for taste until a few years ago - I've been on and off medication for anxiety for years, and during an off period, I started relying on alcohol to calm down. And when I went back on medication, I kept drinking MORE, to try to prolong the effect. It just ruined everything: my weight, my finances, my self esteem, my give-a-crap about anything.

Dee74

Welcome to SR Nellas

Not drinking involves some changes - sometimes quite a lot. Myt life is very different to the way it used to be,but I certainly didn't lose out on the deal.

I love my life, and myself, now.
Not drinking anymore was a fundamental step in that process

D