Is my new partner using drugs
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 12
Is my new partner using drugs
Hello All,
I will make this short and sweet and thank you very much in advance.
Background
I am a young single parent - who works hard and my new partner is a older sucessful business man in his 40s works hard physically - in fact a millionaire. I do not smoke and rarely drink.
However I have started to notice some signs of suspected drug use:
First date kept disappearing in and out of the room about 8 times.
Dry Sniffing.
He is in bed by 12pm everyweek day so he says - this a good thing.
Runny nose - couple of occasions.
Hyper behaviour 90% of the time (I have only seen him not hyper twice).
No sex when not hyper - in fact he has pushed me away.
He smokes a LOT of cannibis maybe 8-10 spliffs a day average- this is not an issue but it is an awful lot.
Bit paranoid caught him trying to go through my phone, keeps asking people in my area if they know me etc- I am a very private person so this is not great.
I will make this short and sweet and thank you very much in advance.
Background
I am a young single parent - who works hard and my new partner is a older sucessful business man in his 40s works hard physically - in fact a millionaire. I do not smoke and rarely drink.
However I have started to notice some signs of suspected drug use:
First date kept disappearing in and out of the room about 8 times.
Dry Sniffing.
He is in bed by 12pm everyweek day so he says - this a good thing.
Runny nose - couple of occasions.
Hyper behaviour 90% of the time (I have only seen him not hyper twice).
No sex when not hyper - in fact he has pushed me away.
He smokes a LOT of cannibis maybe 8-10 spliffs a day average- this is not an issue but it is an awful lot.
Bit paranoid caught him trying to go through my phone, keeps asking people in my area if they know me etc- I am a very private person so this is not great.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
hi and welcome. it does sound suspicious, but moreover VERY creepy. 8-10 joints a DAY? that's considered heavy drug use in and of itself.
first date and he leaves your presence numerous times. RED FLAG.
Multiple behaviors that you find uncomfortable or out of place. RED FLAG.
Snooping thru your phone and private things. BIG RED FLAG.
i don't care how rich a guy is, creepy is creepy. you deserve better, not someone you are so unsure of.
first date and he leaves your presence numerous times. RED FLAG.
Multiple behaviors that you find uncomfortable or out of place. RED FLAG.
Snooping thru your phone and private things. BIG RED FLAG.
i don't care how rich a guy is, creepy is creepy. you deserve better, not someone you are so unsure of.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Ugh. Do you really want a stoner like that around your kid??
Like Anvil said, way too many red flags to ignore. The phone snooping would have done it for me these days. Although when I was your age I had to learn the hard way.
Like Anvil said, way too many red flags to ignore. The phone snooping would have done it for me these days. Although when I was your age I had to learn the hard way.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
Its not just weed. I smoked weed heavily for years and years and destroyed my life. 8 - 10 doobies a day is at least half an ounce which is $30 for dirt crap and about $60 or more for "the good stuff" so you're talking to a dude who spends about $270 at the BARE minimum of his income per month in drugs. Most likely it's closer to about $500....
not gonna say if he is using other stuff but I agree with anvil about the red flags.
not gonna say if he is using other stuff but I agree with anvil about the red flags.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 352
Hey
Just wondered if you class cannabis as a drug? Just you said you suspect he's using drugs then said he smokes a lot of cannabis my first thought was "we'll yeah, he's on drugs as cannabis is a drug".
The no sex thing is interesting. Do you think he's only up for sex when he is using drugs?
Just wondered if you class cannabis as a drug? Just you said you suspect he's using drugs then said he smokes a lot of cannabis my first thought was "we'll yeah, he's on drugs as cannabis is a drug".
The no sex thing is interesting. Do you think he's only up for sex when he is using drugs?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 505
The phone and especially the asking people in your area if they know you are huge red flags to me, not to mention all the other stuff. But asking people if they know you?? Why would he do that?? That is just VERY creepy and sets off a bunch of warning bells for me.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((alittlescared)) - I'm really glad you reposted this here. This forum has been a lifesaver for me
I already told you what I think, but have to admit...I'm glad to see that I'm validated by the people here.
Red flags are what make you think "whoa, something isn't right!" The more red flags you see, the more there is a problem IMO.
Please keep reading and posting. You and your child deserve a life without wondering if he's abusing something.
I will say the paranoia concerns me. Depending on the drug, that can turn into serious problems. It can turn into violence. Please remember that the safety and serenity of you and your child is of the utmost importance.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I already told you what I think, but have to admit...I'm glad to see that I'm validated by the people here.
Red flags are what make you think "whoa, something isn't right!" The more red flags you see, the more there is a problem IMO.
Please keep reading and posting. You and your child deserve a life without wondering if he's abusing something.
I will say the paranoia concerns me. Depending on the drug, that can turn into serious problems. It can turn into violence. Please remember that the safety and serenity of you and your child is of the utmost importance.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Big RED flags.
That's a LOT of weed. A LOT.
Snooping? Creepy
Asking around about you? Super creepy
Wealthy? Maybe......maybe not.
Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions but the little bit you've shared is......creepy.
That's a LOT of weed. A LOT.
Snooping? Creepy
Asking around about you? Super creepy
Wealthy? Maybe......maybe not.
Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions but the little bit you've shared is......creepy.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
IMO, you know the answer to your question. Trusting your instincts is so important. My own denial created so much self doubt. You are being triggers for a reason, pay attention to your instincts.
Also, deciding (or remembering) what more my cores values were and what was acceptable or not was very important. Then learning to be true to myself was empowering.
Also, deciding (or remembering) what more my cores values were and what was acceptable or not was very important. Then learning to be true to myself was empowering.
Reach Out and Touch Faith
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: On a Sailboat
Posts: 3,871
I had a family member with many similar behaviors (minus the pot smokin).
Never did find out what drug she did. It didn't matter. What did matter was these behaviors are not acceptable to me. Period.
I left for a few weeks to get my head on straight, after she had hit me the second time. In two weeks she went from texting me pictures of my cat to putting her in the kill shelter (although she said she would watch her). Then without telling me that, she proceeded to call me one night at 1am and ramble for an hour. When I asked why she called so late she was honestly shocked I felt that it was late at night.
That night I realized without a shadow of a doubt my sister was on stimulants. I changed my phone number to another area code the following day.
Be wary, be very wary
Never did find out what drug she did. It didn't matter. What did matter was these behaviors are not acceptable to me. Period.
I left for a few weeks to get my head on straight, after she had hit me the second time. In two weeks she went from texting me pictures of my cat to putting her in the kill shelter (although she said she would watch her). Then without telling me that, she proceeded to call me one night at 1am and ramble for an hour. When I asked why she called so late she was honestly shocked I felt that it was late at night.
That night I realized without a shadow of a doubt my sister was on stimulants. I changed my phone number to another area code the following day.
Be wary, be very wary
The sun still shines
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 472
Very creepy. Even if he is a millionaire, it won't be that hard to blow it all through his nose. Coke is an expensive habit. Do you want to get drawn deeper and deeper into this? It sounds to me as if you and your child deserve someone you feel more comfortable with.
Life Health Prosperity
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Louisana
Posts: 6,752
Alittlescared, sounds likes he's snorting cocaine. I don't know who ever said cocaine was an aphrodisiac, because when I was using I could forget about having sex, it wasn't gonna happen for 2 reasons: 1st, cocaine rendered me usless as a sex partner, and 2nd, I perferred the cocaine to having sex. I hope I'm wrong but expect things to get worse.
Bit paranoid caught him trying to go through my phone, keeps asking people in my area if they know me etc- I am a very private person so this is not great. What was his reason for this behavior? Major red flag.
Rootin for ya.
Bit paranoid caught him trying to go through my phone, keeps asking people in my area if they know me etc- I am a very private person so this is not great. What was his reason for this behavior? Major red flag.
Rootin for ya.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 12
Thanks everyone,
KKE: Yes I do consider cannibis to be a drug but it is one that I can except as I have dated people in the past who smoke it - just not as much as this guy.
The sex thing is making me think that whatever he is snorting is preventing him being able to perform when he is not high.
I want better for me and my child also, wanted to give him a chance but yes the kitchen is already to hot for my liking. I consider myself to be an aware streetwise person but have never to my knowledge associated with anyone with these signs of drug use and the up and down behaviour. IE on the rare occasion he presents as sober he is very very quiet and serious.
The reason he gave me for asking around the area for background information : 1- the less people in the area you know the better 2 - I wanted to check that you have not been around the block as he is looking for a serious relationship and does not want to waste time.
KKE: Yes I do consider cannibis to be a drug but it is one that I can except as I have dated people in the past who smoke it - just not as much as this guy.
The sex thing is making me think that whatever he is snorting is preventing him being able to perform when he is not high.
I want better for me and my child also, wanted to give him a chance but yes the kitchen is already to hot for my liking. I consider myself to be an aware streetwise person but have never to my knowledge associated with anyone with these signs of drug use and the up and down behaviour. IE on the rare occasion he presents as sober he is very very quiet and serious.
The reason he gave me for asking around the area for background information : 1- the less people in the area you know the better 2 - I wanted to check that you have not been around the block as he is looking for a serious relationship and does not want to waste time.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 951
The "around the block" comment would be enough for me to walk away. Man has major issues with women. The concern about knowing too many people give me the impression that he might be a major control freak. The phone thing - deal breaker. The name you chose here speaks volumes.
Have you done any research into *his* background? He told you he is a millionaire? If so, that would be another big warning flag for me. Not a fan of men that wave their money around and talk about it.
Definitely sounds like drugs plus major issues.
Have you done any research into *his* background? He told you he is a millionaire? If so, that would be another big warning flag for me. Not a fan of men that wave their money around and talk about it.
Definitely sounds like drugs plus major issues.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Toronto, On
Posts: 43
Originally Posted by walker328 
Is he ever not stoned? I'd have a problem with that - and I live in Colorado and its legal. That's over-indulging for sure.
Just ask him if he does coke.
Just ask him if he does coke.
Oh And I wouldn't bother asking him, he'll just deny it and may even react aggressively. coke tends to exacerbate anger, and both coke and pot can create paranoia. Hence all the creepy investigating. Try and watch out for attempts to isolate you, at all costs.
If he's snorting crystal meth....RUN. Best of Luck and be safe
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: PM me....
Posts: 468
He doesn't want you to know alot of people in the area so he can control and isolate you.
He is going thru your phone to see who you know, what you are up to...etc.
He is throwing the money bait out there because you are young and a single mother....which is very difficult. I know....I did it.
He will suck you in....isolate you.....do drugs....and you will have no resources to get help.
None of the above is healthy in any way.
He is going thru your phone to see who you know, what you are up to...etc.
He is throwing the money bait out there because you are young and a single mother....which is very difficult. I know....I did it.
He will suck you in....isolate you.....do drugs....and you will have no resources to get help.
None of the above is healthy in any way.
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