Troubledsister

Just venting a bit, and worried for my parents.

My hubbie said "This is the biggest mistake your parents have ever made."

I think he's right.

My parents just bought a house (and let my AB do the walk thru, inspection and closing! He's a real estate appraiser.) 15 minutes from my brother. They plan on spending half the year there, and half here near me where they have lived the past 40 years.

My parents NEVER made a spontaneous decision -- until this one. And its a big one.

Worried and powerless over the enabling that will go on but maybe (or maybe not) it will open their eyes to be closer to the drama and trauma...

Any words of wisdom?

Ann

It sounds like a big mistake to me too, but sometimes we have to stand back and let people make their own choices...however bad those choices may be.

Hold on to your own peace over this, let the chaos stay out of your home. The future will unfold how it may, and maybe it will all be okay. Let's hope.

Hugs

Lily1918

my bfs mother is such a nice lady, and she is in a recovery program, but still.
I struggle with future trippin and panic when old red flags appear, or something he does or says triggers me.

His mom struggles more with control and giving him money. She has to be in every nitty gritty detail of his life and it drives me bonkers.

when he was using he loved it. Now that he is sober, he resents it. She was even a better enabler than me. I asked him now why in the world do addicts put up with their codependents crap. He laughed and said do you really have to ask? we would die without our codependents, or get sober, but then the addiction dies soooo cutting out your codies because they p!ss you off equals death either way.

For me I change the wording of step one when I pray for his mom. I used to ask God to make her stop giving him money, and being his recovery warden. Now I just say I am powerless over his mothers codependency. If I try to come between them, my life will become unmanageable.

I hate to say it but it is a "let go and let god" kinda thing or whatever HP you choose.

Im sorry. I agree it is not a good decision of theirs, but Im glad to see you recognize that. It shows recovery within you.

hugs

Troubledsister

Thanks everyone. Do I try to talk to my parents about AB's addiction or just let them come to terms with it as they are able? Lots of denial on their part.

greeteachday

It sounds like they know but don't want to know. If you feel better mentioning it, go with your feeling, but if they aren't ready, don't be surprised if the denial continues.

I have found with virtually all addictions - whether drinking, drugs, smoking, food or codependency - people resent and stop listening until they are ready to do something to help themselves.

I hope things go well for your parents.