ChivonYvette

Last night had to one of the worst nights that I have ever experienced with my AH. I try to talk to people but unless you are dealing with an alcoholic or substance addicted spouse you will never understand. On one hand I am a christian and don't want to get a divorce, but on the other I don't want to suffer abuse at hands of my AH. I need help! And the nearest al-anon meeting in my state is in a far away city and I'm not driving. So I thought this would be a good place for me.

CeciliaV

Hi ChivonYvette - glad you found SR, but so sorry for what brought you here. You're certainly not alone in your struggles - there are many people here who can empathize with what you're going through.

Have you checked out online Al Anon meetings? There's also Smart Recovery F&F meetings in person and online - I've been attending the online ones and find them really helpful.

The Friends & Family section of the forum is a gold mine. Lots of really supportive folks and oodles of information. Check out the stickies & posts. Read, post, learn, reach out. Sending you strength, hope, and hugs.

ChivonYvette

Thank you, I'm new here so I haven't maneuvered around the sight yet, but I definitely will check out F & F. As I'm writing this tears are filling my eyes. I was so strong last night, but I feel so weak today.

ChivonYvette

How do I find F & F?

deeker

Hi there also check out Friends and Family forum to get support for yourself and Christians in Recovery.

CeciliaV

the link is here, but you can navigate to it on the main forum page under the Friends & Family section & then click on Friends & Family of Alcoholics.

ChivonYvette

Thank you

LexieCat

I don't believe God wants any of His children abused. Your safety comes first.

I don't know whether you are talking about physical abuse or mental/emotional/financial. All can drain the life out of a person and make you unable to be who and what you are meant to be.

In addition to Al-Anon, which I HIGHLY recommend--it was a lifesaver for me, I suggest you contact the domestic violence hotline and speak to a counselor about safety planning if you are in any danger--physical or emotional. You don't have to get a divorce, but sometimes it's good to get to a place of safety for a while.

Hugs, glad you are here.

fairlyuncertain

I read somewhere that taking 'massive action' can help people protect their sobriety. It has helped me a great deal in my situation. Instead of spending a lot of energy trying to control my feelings, gauge the alcoholics' mood, try to control his anger, I used my energy to pack a little bag and put it in the back of the closet. Attend Al-Anon meetings. Call a domestic violence hotline. Take some classes.

It is difficult to deal with substance abuse AND abuse. Both undermine our sense of self and our personal integrity. I think that a drunk's verbal abuse can sometimes be worse than physical abuse. It is so hurtful and confusing.

I felt like I was being disloyal, going to al-anon or calling the hotline. But whatever your religious beliefs, taking care of yourself does not dishonor your marriage. Quite the opposite!

ChivonYvette

Thank you both for your comments! Being here and reading the stories of others has made me feel better already. I thank God I'm not being physically abused anymore, but the emotional and verbal are just as painful. At this moment Al-Anon is not an option for me because the nearest one is too far away. I've decided that prayer, literature, detachment, and being here will help tremendously. I'm actually excited about what the future will bring.