More from Dance of the Wounded Souls
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
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More from Dance of the Wounded Souls
Classic Codependent Couple
Each of us has our own spectrum of behavioral defenses to protect us from fear of intimacy. We can be codependent in one relationship and counterdependent in another - or we can swing from co to counter - within the same relationship.
Codependent
Come here
Fear of abandonment issues
*People pleasing, gentle, nice & kind - sometimes seems pathetic and weak
*Avoids conflict, can't own anger - sets self up to be victim because of not having boundaries (feels unfairly unappreciated or shamefully unlovable)
Able to be emotionally vulnerable but often in manipulative way (cries instead of expressing anger)
When afraid that abandonment is happening can get needy and clingy - beg, grovel, abandon self completely
Terror of intimacy causes them to pick unavailable people (don't believe they truly deserve someone available and loving)
Sees setting boundaries as being controlling
Sometimes calls childish clinging love
*(passively controlling & manipulative)
Counterdependent
Go away
Fear of being taken hostage, of being smothered
*Tough, strong and independent - sometimes seems abrasive, abusive, and cold
*Uses anger as shield, has walls instead of boundaries - often overreacts then isolates in shame (feels like "bitch"/"*******" etc.)
Terrified of being emotionally vulnerable - feels life threatening (to be "weak" "wimpy" "needy")
Is terrified of needy, clingy part of self so reacts to perceived neediness by being cold, mean
Terror of intimacy causes them to be unavailable, to run from someone who loves them - often feel that they are incapable of loving
Sometimes uses setting boundaries as way of controlling
Sometimes sees caring as being clingy
*(aggressively controlling & manipulative)
Each of us has our own spectrum of behavioral defenses to protect us from fear of intimacy. We can be codependent in one relationship and counterdependent in another - or we can swing from co to counter - within the same relationship.
Codependent
Come here
Fear of abandonment issues
*People pleasing, gentle, nice & kind - sometimes seems pathetic and weak
*Avoids conflict, can't own anger - sets self up to be victim because of not having boundaries (feels unfairly unappreciated or shamefully unlovable)
Able to be emotionally vulnerable but often in manipulative way (cries instead of expressing anger)
When afraid that abandonment is happening can get needy and clingy - beg, grovel, abandon self completely
Terror of intimacy causes them to pick unavailable people (don't believe they truly deserve someone available and loving)
Sees setting boundaries as being controlling
Sometimes calls childish clinging love
*(passively controlling & manipulative)
Counterdependent
Go away
Fear of being taken hostage, of being smothered
*Tough, strong and independent - sometimes seems abrasive, abusive, and cold
*Uses anger as shield, has walls instead of boundaries - often overreacts then isolates in shame (feels like "bitch"/"*******" etc.)
Terrified of being emotionally vulnerable - feels life threatening (to be "weak" "wimpy" "needy")
Is terrified of needy, clingy part of self so reacts to perceived neediness by being cold, mean
Terror of intimacy causes them to be unavailable, to run from someone who loves them - often feel that they are incapable of loving
Sometimes uses setting boundaries as way of controlling
Sometimes sees caring as being clingy
*(aggressively controlling & manipulative)
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