Help any advice welcome

Old 04-03-2013, 07:35 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 5
Help any advice welcome

Help
I recently found out my bf is using heroin. I don't know how to help him. He said he had been using off and on for 2 years and I had no clue. We have a 5 month old daughter and he told me he would stop. How can I help him? Ive found 2 sub packets in the house randomly, he is getting this on the street I know and I know he used recently because I saw blood in the arm of a dress shirt. That was fresh. He begged me not to leave and I don't want to. I love him but I'm not going to love him to death and I have to think about our child. I want her to have a healthy dad and a healthy family.
I had a dad who had an addiction problem and he is clean now and has been since I was 17 but it sucks and I don't want my child to ever know that her dad has a problem.
He said its the area we live in that's part of the problem. We have the opportunity to move and I don't know if we should take it. I'm a nurse and ca. Work basically anywhere. Any advice is welcome.
Sophia1985 is offline  
Old 04-03-2013, 07:46 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 577
Glad to see you found your way to this forum Sophia. I wish I could offer you some great pieces of wisdom. My qualifier is my son so our situations are a bit different. I can tell you al-anon has helped me rebuild my emotional strength, you might see if you can find a local nar- anon meeting. I trust you'll have many other people coming along shortly to welcome you here. Big hug to you tonight.
lizwig is offline  
Old 04-03-2013, 09:44 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
kmangel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 598
My son is a recovering addict. He began using drugs in high school. His dad and I moved out of state after he graduated and he seemed to put his drug abusing days behind him. Then he moved back to where he grew up and soon became a heroin addict. He is now back where his dad and I live (after rehab) living on his own and doing well again. I think there are very often triggers to drug abuse. Where my son grew up is a trigger for him. Removing him from that situation did help him.

Before packing up your bags, though, and leaving to a new area, I suggest your bf go through rehab where he is now. See if he is really serious about getting help for his addiction. No point in disrupting your life if he isn't really serious about changing his. Addicts are notorious for telling us what we want to hear. They may even believe what they tell us to a certain extent, but doing what they say takes a great amount of fortitude on their part. Actions speak louder than words where addicts are concerned.
kmangel is offline  
Old 04-03-2013, 10:01 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
allforcnm's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
Sorry for what brings you here. My husband was also addicted to opiates; but pain med variety instead of heroin. We also have a little boy who was about the same age as your daughter when he decided to stop, and get help.

Does your boyfriend work, help provide for your home expenses, and the needs of your daughter? If not, and he is using his income for drugs then this would be an issue to think about. Also if you are paying his way and he doesn’t work, this would be an issue. My husband was able to meet all his obligations because he worked, and his drug money came out of excess. But I cringe thinking about what he spent on drugs.

I did separate from my husband for a while when he was in active addiction. In my case, it was not so much the fact that he was using – but related to his behaviors while using. He would stay out late with the guys he worked with, made up excuses, lied about stuff. We would argue. He admitted he did not want to stop what he was doing, and I didn’t want to have a marriage like that. So basically we split up until he was ready to stop, and he asked for help.

I think the desire to stop has to come from within him. Sort of like when a person goes on a diet. They have to want it, and be willing to do the work required even when it gets tough, and there are intense cravings. He has to learn to change his life, and figure out what he needs to do that.

For my husband, he went through detox, an inpatient rehab, and now only works with a therapist. He will have a year clean at the end of this month. I am a little familiar with subs, but my husband did not use these. It sounds like your BF is trying to taper off heroin and using the subs he gets off the street. Was wondering if he has any insurance? I would advise he seeks some professional help with a doctor if possible. My husband did use a drug called Naltrexone (Vivitrol) after he detoxed. He used it only for a couple of months, but many people use it longer to aid in recovery. Its not additive, and a person cant get high from it. It basically prevents a person from getting a high if they use opiates, and according to my husband it helped remove cravings in the beginning of his recovery. I would highly recommend it. (You can google it, or look at their website: vivitrol.com).

There are many people on the Substance Abuse forum here, that are working on overcoming heroin addictions. You might want to read some there also.

My husband also had to make some changes in his life. So when your BF talks about removing himself from a bad environment, personally I would agree with this. My husbands only drug friends were at work. Someone there supplied, and a group used together. So when he got clean he had to remove them from his life. He even had to ask for a transfer at work to another building , to not be around them. Your deciding to relocate for him is a big step, and it is something only you can decide on. Personally I wouldn’t assume this alone would allow him to get clean. But maybe if he had a plan in place for some help… a therapist, outpatient program, rehab, etc.

Another good resource might be your own dad if they have a good relationship. Sounds like your father overcame his addiction, and he might be able to offer support and guidance to your BF.

I would suggest you take a look at some websites such as: National Institute on Drug abuse: National Institute on Drug Abuse and Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration: The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration - Homepage and National Health Institute: National Institutes of Health (NIH) These will give you both lots of information on his drug, detox, treatments, and recovery methods.

There is a very good video being referenced on this forum right now (a separate thread started by Marshmallow) , and it will explain how the drugs are affecting your boyfriend and his behaviors. Also why it is so hard for him to stop. I watched it yesterday, and found it very close to what the doctors in my husbands rehab explained to me. If you have time, give it a look, maybe share with your BF: Pleasure Unwoven Full Movie Documentary by Kevin McCauley - YouTube

There is also help available for family members. If your boyfriend were to enter into some type of treatment program through a hospital or clinic, these often include sessions for family members. When my husband was in rehab, I started working with a private therapist and so I always recommend this. There are also self help / support groups like alanon, celebrate recovery. (Many people here have codependency issues and they like these programs).

My therapist recommended a book for me to read. It is called: Get You Loved One Sober, Alternatives to Nagging, Pleading, and Threatening. By Robert Meyers, PhD. (You can google this and read book reviews.) It is also used by a recovery method called Smart (self management and recovery training): Self Help Substance Abuse & Addiction Recovery | SMART Recovery® (online meetings, forum discussions, and largely free materials). They offer assistance to those who want to recover from addiction, and also to family members dealing with addicted loved ones. It’s a great resource and can help you learn how to define personal boundaries for and your daughter, make sure you remember to take care of your needs along with your efforts to support him. Also, many people use this site SR to help them along the way !

Sorry so long.. maybe some part will be of help to you.
allforcnm is offline  
Old 04-04-2013, 03:33 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 864
Part of the problem with relocating ( the geographical cure ) is that wherever you go, there you are. It isn’t like he can leave himself behind

My husband wrestled with quitting his job to find another because his shop is in one of the worst drug areas in the country with the best heroin of course. And I said well talk to your addiction doctor and think about this … If you change jobs will you then forget where the heroin is? He laughed.

I am really certain that no matter where he lived or where he worked if he wanted to use he would have no issue finding any drug he wanted. It isn’t just about one’s drug of choice, many addicts will use anything in desperation because any high will do to shut your head off.

There is alcohol available everywhere. If I want to drink I know exactly where to find some….

If you are done, then you are and you set up safety nets to give yourself the best chance. You have accepted you just can’t use no matter what. If you aren’t that looks the part as well. He isn’t done yet, there is nothing you can do to force that issue, but there are tons of things you can do to help keep him trapped.

If you don’t want to love him to death than get yourself some help, don’t enable or make excuses for him, treat him as capable always, because he is and let him go to find his own way.

Take really good care of you and your little one. You both are first in the mix above all else.
incitingsilence is offline  
Old 04-04-2013, 04:24 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
KKE
Member
 
KKE's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 352
In the last 4 years my ABF and I have moved 4 times to "get away". It made zero difference. The only thing that has made a difference is when he recently decided to do something about his addiction because he wanted to.
KKE is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:40 PM.