Hello from a newcomer who needs to be here
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: deep south
Posts: 23
Hello from a newcomer who needs to be here
First, I'd like to say I'm new here (today) but so grateful to have found this site.
Mid-January I left my ABF/partner of 7 yrs because of his alcoholism/meanness AND realizing I am extremely co-dependent. I left with resentment and anger, lots of it. Got my own apartment and started over hoping I could find peace.
My ABF did finally give in and has started AA; he received his silver chip yesterday. My anger and resentment has abated mostly and I have found compassion. For both of us. I will go to my first Al-Anon meeting this week hoping I can embark on my own road to recovery.
The peace I hoped I would find by leaving hasn't exactly been what I expected. I feel alone and I miss the companionship I had with my ABF, but I don't miss the mean-ness! I supported him for the past 3 yrs after he lost his job, and now that I left him he has no real means to pay any of the bills. My heart is breaking and I want to help since he is trying to help himself finally, but I'm not sure it's the right thing to do.
He is still angry I left him. He believes that if I truly loved him, I would not have abandoned him but I knew if I didn't leave, he would keep being an unruly mean alcoholic (by my supply). So I am responsible for my part in the relationship degradation, and I want to be able to not do it so I can have a real relationship that won't become toxic and die. Before I do.
I want to quit crying over everything. I want to quit being so sad.
I might add that my father and twin brother were both alcoholics/addicts and lost their life because of it. My mother was more co-dependent than me. Unfortunately it is all I have ever known. And I believe I have contributed to my own son's alcohol problem although we do have a very loving relationship together. The only good relationship I've ever had sadly, other than my few girlfriends whom I treasure!
I hope I can find help and solace here s I start my own journey into recovery from codependency. I hope it isn't too late.
ps - am very new to using forums altogether so I hope i can get better at this too.
Mid-January I left my ABF/partner of 7 yrs because of his alcoholism/meanness AND realizing I am extremely co-dependent. I left with resentment and anger, lots of it. Got my own apartment and started over hoping I could find peace.
My ABF did finally give in and has started AA; he received his silver chip yesterday. My anger and resentment has abated mostly and I have found compassion. For both of us. I will go to my first Al-Anon meeting this week hoping I can embark on my own road to recovery.
The peace I hoped I would find by leaving hasn't exactly been what I expected. I feel alone and I miss the companionship I had with my ABF, but I don't miss the mean-ness! I supported him for the past 3 yrs after he lost his job, and now that I left him he has no real means to pay any of the bills. My heart is breaking and I want to help since he is trying to help himself finally, but I'm not sure it's the right thing to do.
He is still angry I left him. He believes that if I truly loved him, I would not have abandoned him but I knew if I didn't leave, he would keep being an unruly mean alcoholic (by my supply). So I am responsible for my part in the relationship degradation, and I want to be able to not do it so I can have a real relationship that won't become toxic and die. Before I do.
I want to quit crying over everything. I want to quit being so sad.
I might add that my father and twin brother were both alcoholics/addicts and lost their life because of it. My mother was more co-dependent than me. Unfortunately it is all I have ever known. And I believe I have contributed to my own son's alcohol problem although we do have a very loving relationship together. The only good relationship I've ever had sadly, other than my few girlfriends whom I treasure!
I hope I can find help and solace here s I start my own journey into recovery from codependency. I hope it isn't too late.
ps - am very new to using forums altogether so I hope i can get better at this too.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,420
Welcome!
IMO, you definitely are making the right decision to have your BF stand on his own two feet: financially, emotionally, and spiritually.
There are some awesome Al-Anon phone meetings... you may hear what you need to begin to live a healthy life, one day at a time, free from enabling, co-dependency, and alcoholics/addicts.
There are some awesome Al-Anon phone meetings... you may hear what you need to begin to live a healthy life, one day at a time, free from enabling, co-dependency, and alcoholics/addicts.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Welcome to Sober Recovery. You have found a really GREAT place with lots of Experience, Strength and Hope (ES&H) from folks who have been where you or are where you are.
Please check out or Friends and Family of Alcoholics:
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
And ead the 'stickys' at the beginning (top) of the forum as there is just lots and lots of helpful info there.
Then start reading some of the 'threads' and you will see you are not alone.
Again WELCOME, I am glad you found us, but sorry for the reason why.
Hope to see you over at F & F.
Love anfd hugs,
Please check out or Friends and Family of Alcoholics:
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
And ead the 'stickys' at the beginning (top) of the forum as there is just lots and lots of helpful info there.
Then start reading some of the 'threads' and you will see you are not alone.
Again WELCOME, I am glad you found us, but sorry for the reason why.
Hope to see you over at F & F.
Love anfd hugs,
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,067
Welcome!
You'll find Al-Anon very helpful in dealing with issues in your life. And there's always support here--even if no one's awake (pretty unusual cause there's a whole gang from Australia) you can read around and find inspiration.
You'll find Al-Anon very helpful in dealing with issues in your life. And there's always support here--even if no one's awake (pretty unusual cause there's a whole gang from Australia) you can read around and find inspiration.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,783
As long as you're still breathing it's not too late.
Do check out the friends and family forum. Lots of good insight there.You didn't abandon him, you were just looking out for your own well being.
You may find this thread in Daily Support interesting and useful.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...part-26-a.html
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Hi!
We here are all proof that there is a life after all kinds of addictions, be those to substances or living beings. We are beings because we are being. Not been.
You will only need to be here as long as you want to. You will only want to as long as you need to.
Welcome!
We here are all proof that there is a life after all kinds of addictions, be those to substances or living beings. We are beings because we are being. Not been.
You will only need to be here as long as you want to. You will only want to as long as you need to.
Welcome!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: deep south
Posts: 23
Thank you everyone, I really appreciate it. I will be here often I can assure you and I'm going to look into Al-Anon online meetings because in my area there is only 1 that meets once a week. I need more than that right now. I will also go through F&F as mentioned earlier. I really want to be able to stop crying, and move forward with my life Thanks again!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
I'd like to add my welcome, happytobehere. It's great to be able to discuss this with people who really understand. I hope you'll find comfort and some good advice being here with us. (I agree that you did the only thing possible in dealing with your ABF.)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Macon, Georgia
Posts: 12
Happy-
I know that you did all you could. I know that supporting him for years must have been really hard, and you probably felt like " How does he feel like a man", and "when is this gonna end?" I have felt this before in different relationship. SEVEN Years??? Wow I cannot imagine doing this for another month let alone.... I am proud of you for leaving. I look up to you. You might look into Co-depency support. That is another awesome support to us, as I am trying to find one myself. Do not hesitate to contact me.
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