Codependency and Beyond- Part 26
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Codependency and Beyond- Part 26
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
Thanks for our new page Dee.
Hi everyone thought I would post so you all know whats happening.
Ms Pink already lifted my head in prayer for your IRS test. I am sure you will do just fine but of course you are worried most would be.
I had a rather disturbing last few days. I have been having issues again with my neighbor and his girlfriend across the hall. They are rather young in their early twenties I would guess. Well they are at times just so loud. They bang around their apartment till wee hours in the morning. Tonight they came home and slammed their front door shut so hard that my pictures almost fell of the wall. I guess what gets me is the total lack of disrespect they have for others. I also at times think they are doing it on purpose just to upset me. Like it has turned into some silly game to them. I would go to the landlord but he is a slum lord and don't really care.
I am so upset with myself cause I handled it like a spoiled little brat. I jumped off my couch and went to my front door, opened it and proceeded to slam it shut even harder than they did. I guess a part of me is afraid to confront them because I am afraid of how the conversation may go especially if they say something smart. I have issues with anger.
Anyhoo I guess that is about all not to much of anything else going on. lol
Thanks for listening or reading as the case may be.
Hi everyone thought I would post so you all know whats happening.
Ms Pink already lifted my head in prayer for your IRS test. I am sure you will do just fine but of course you are worried most would be.
I had a rather disturbing last few days. I have been having issues again with my neighbor and his girlfriend across the hall. They are rather young in their early twenties I would guess. Well they are at times just so loud. They bang around their apartment till wee hours in the morning. Tonight they came home and slammed their front door shut so hard that my pictures almost fell of the wall. I guess what gets me is the total lack of disrespect they have for others. I also at times think they are doing it on purpose just to upset me. Like it has turned into some silly game to them. I would go to the landlord but he is a slum lord and don't really care.
I am so upset with myself cause I handled it like a spoiled little brat. I jumped off my couch and went to my front door, opened it and proceeded to slam it shut even harder than they did. I guess a part of me is afraid to confront them because I am afraid of how the conversation may go especially if they say something smart. I have issues with anger.
Anyhoo I guess that is about all not to much of anything else going on. lol
Thanks for listening or reading as the case may be.
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
The Language of Letting Go
January 18, 2013
Gratitude
Every day we face interruptions, delays, changes, and challenges. We face personality conflicts and disappointments. Often when we’re feeling overwhelmed, we can’t see the lessons in these experiences.
One simple concept can get us through the most stressful of times. It’s called gratitude. We learn to say, thank you, for these problems and feelings. Thank you for the way things are. I don’t like this experience, but thank you anyway.
Force gratitude until it becomes habitual. Gratitude helps us stop trying to control outcomes. It is the key that unlocks positive energy in our life. It is the alchemy that turns problems into blessings, and the unexpected into gifts.
Today, I will be grateful. I will start the process of turning today’s pain into tomorrow’s joy.
January 18, 2013
Gratitude
Sometimes in life, things happen too fast. We barely solve one problem when two new problems surface. We’re feeling great in the morning, but we’re submerged in misery by nightfall.
Every day we face interruptions, delays, changes, and challenges. We face personality conflicts and disappointments. Often when we’re feeling overwhelmed, we can’t see the lessons in these experiences.
One simple concept can get us through the most stressful of times. It’s called gratitude. We learn to say, thank you, for these problems and feelings. Thank you for the way things are. I don’t like this experience, but thank you anyway.
Force gratitude until it becomes habitual. Gratitude helps us stop trying to control outcomes. It is the key that unlocks positive energy in our life. It is the alchemy that turns problems into blessings, and the unexpected into gifts.
Today, I will be grateful. I will start the process of turning today’s pain into tomorrow’s joy.
Survivor
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Proud Upstate New Yorker
Posts: 869
Newby, that sounds like an incredibly frustrating situation. I am sorry you are going through that. 
Today, is a pretty busy day. Going to get my hair cut and then go to a meeting. Then perhaps study for a few hours. Then prepare for work.
Going to keep smiling.
Love,
Lily
Today, is a pretty busy day. Going to get my hair cut and then go to a meeting. Then perhaps study for a few hours. Then prepare for work.
Going to keep smiling.
Love,
Lily
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Newby)) - Sorry about the rude neighbors. I would have probably slammed my door, too...have done it a few times here at home
After my paycheck was actually in my account, got some things I needed and ordered the 2 study books for my certification test. Colored my hair and
Just a bit too RED! Getting it cut on Monday, but talked to my hair dresser and put another color to tone down the red and now my hair is just a lot darker than normal and I'm in shock when I look in the mirror. I'll let her fix it.
Dad's cardiologist said everything looked fine. One of our friends that does the same type of work as dad wrecked one of HIS vans when he hit black ice in AL. Luckily, no injuries and the weather is just gorgeous again.
Going to work in just a little bit. ((Lily)) - Hope you have a great weekend, though I know you'll be working most of it. ((Rita)) - is the test all over with now?
Love to all!
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
After my paycheck was actually in my account, got some things I needed and ordered the 2 study books for my certification test. Colored my hair and
Just a bit too RED! Getting it cut on Monday, but talked to my hair dresser and put another color to tone down the red and now my hair is just a lot darker than normal and I'm in shock when I look in the mirror. I'll let her fix it.Dad's cardiologist said everything looked fine. One of our friends that does the same type of work as dad wrecked one of HIS vans when he hit black ice in AL. Luckily, no injuries and the weather is just gorgeous again.
Going to work in just a little bit. ((Lily)) - Hope you have a great weekend, though I know you'll be working most of it. ((Rita)) - is the test all over with now?
Love to all!
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Survivor
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Proud Upstate New Yorker
Posts: 869
Saturday, January 19, 2013
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Owning Our Power
There is one feeling we need to pay particular attention to in recovery: feeling victimized. We do not need to become comfortable with that feeling.
How do we feel when we've been victimized? Helpless. Rageful. Powerless. Frustrated.
Feeling victimized is dangerous. Often, it can prompt us into addictive or other compulsive behaviors.
In recovery, we're learning to identify when we're feeling victimized, when we are actually being victimized, and why we're feeling victimized. We're learning to own our power, to take care of ourselves, and to remove ourselves as victims.
Sometimes, owning our power means we realize we are victimizing ourselves - and others are not doing anything to hurt us. They are living their lives, as they have a right to, and we are feeling victimized because we're attempting to control their process or we're unreasonably expecting them to take care of us. We may feel victimized if we get stuck in a codependent belief such as: Other people make me feel.... Others hold the key to my happiness and destiny.... Or, I can't be happy unless another behaves in a particular way, or a certain event takes place...
Other times, owning our power means we realize that we are being victimized by another's behavior. Our boundaries are being invaded. In that case, we figure out what we need to do to take care of ourselves to stop the victimization; we need to set boundaries.
Sometimes, a change of attitude is all that's required. We are not victims.
We strive to have compassion for the person who victimized us but understand that compassion often comes later, after we've removed ourselves as victims in body, mind, and spirit. We also understand that too much compassion can put us right back into the victim slot. Too much pity for a person who is victimizing us may set up a situation where the person can victimize us again.
We try not to force consequences or crises upon another person, but we also do not rescue that person from logical consequences of his or her behavior. If there is a part that is our responsibility to play in delivering those consequences, we do our part - not to control or punish, but to be responsible for ourselves and to others.
We try to figure out what we may be doing that is causing us to feel victimized, or what part we are playing in the system, and we stop doing that too. We are powerless over others and their behavior, but we can own our power to remove ourselves as victims.
Today, I will take responsibility for myself and show it to others by not allowing myself to be victimized, I cannot control outcomes, but I can control my attitude toward being victimized. I am not a victim; I do not deserve to be victimized.
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Owning Our Power
There is one feeling we need to pay particular attention to in recovery: feeling victimized. We do not need to become comfortable with that feeling.
How do we feel when we've been victimized? Helpless. Rageful. Powerless. Frustrated.
Feeling victimized is dangerous. Often, it can prompt us into addictive or other compulsive behaviors.
In recovery, we're learning to identify when we're feeling victimized, when we are actually being victimized, and why we're feeling victimized. We're learning to own our power, to take care of ourselves, and to remove ourselves as victims.
Sometimes, owning our power means we realize we are victimizing ourselves - and others are not doing anything to hurt us. They are living their lives, as they have a right to, and we are feeling victimized because we're attempting to control their process or we're unreasonably expecting them to take care of us. We may feel victimized if we get stuck in a codependent belief such as: Other people make me feel.... Others hold the key to my happiness and destiny.... Or, I can't be happy unless another behaves in a particular way, or a certain event takes place...
Other times, owning our power means we realize that we are being victimized by another's behavior. Our boundaries are being invaded. In that case, we figure out what we need to do to take care of ourselves to stop the victimization; we need to set boundaries.
Sometimes, a change of attitude is all that's required. We are not victims.
We strive to have compassion for the person who victimized us but understand that compassion often comes later, after we've removed ourselves as victims in body, mind, and spirit. We also understand that too much compassion can put us right back into the victim slot. Too much pity for a person who is victimizing us may set up a situation where the person can victimize us again.
We try not to force consequences or crises upon another person, but we also do not rescue that person from logical consequences of his or her behavior. If there is a part that is our responsibility to play in delivering those consequences, we do our part - not to control or punish, but to be responsible for ourselves and to others.
We try to figure out what we may be doing that is causing us to feel victimized, or what part we are playing in the system, and we stop doing that too. We are powerless over others and their behavior, but we can own our power to remove ourselves as victims.
Today, I will take responsibility for myself and show it to others by not allowing myself to be victimized, I cannot control outcomes, but I can control my attitude toward being victimized. I am not a victim; I do not deserve to be victimized.
Survivor
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Proud Upstate New Yorker
Posts: 869
Lately, I have reflected on a particular friendship. I felt very strong anger and hurt as a result of the person's actions and words. I realized that I no longer had to interact with that person. After a while, I realized I was no longer a victim but a willing participant. And I do have power over how I react and whether or not I choose to interact with this person. I also asked myself what does it do for me to keep the drama wheel spinning?
Since coming to these realizations and letting go of that person, I feel like my normal self again. I feel like I am back on track and I feel much healthier.
Love,
Lily
Since coming to these realizations and letting go of that person, I feel like my normal self again. I feel like I am back on track and I feel much healthier.
Love,
Lily
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Good for you ((Lily))! Uncle Bob has had another stroke, he's already under hospice palliative care so not much to do but pray.
Heading to work, actually had a really good night last night other than finding out about uncle Bob and seeing Elvis so lethargic but he just inhaled a jar of baby food and is doing better for now.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Heading to work, actually had a really good night last night other than finding out about uncle Bob and seeing Elvis so lethargic but he just inhaled a jar of baby food and is doing better for now.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
The Language of Letting Go
January 20, 2013
New Beginnings
Letting go of resentments does not mean we allow the other person to do anything to us that he or she wants. It means we accept what happened in the past, and we set boundaries for the future. We can let go of resentments and still have boundaries.
We try to see the good in the person or the good that ultimately evolved from whatever incident we feel resentful about. We try to see our part.
Then we put the incident to rest.
Praying for those we resent helps. Asking God to take our resentments from us helps too.
What better way to begin a New Year than by cleaning the slate of the past, and entering this one free of resentments.
Higher Power, help me become ready to let go of my resentments. Bring any resentment that is hidden within me, and blocking me, to the surface. Show me what I need to do to take care of my self by letting go of resentments, and then help me do that.
January 20, 2013
New Beginnings
Resentments are the blocks that hold us back from loving others and ourselves. Resentments do not punish the other person; they punish us. They become barriers to feeling good and enjoying life. They prevent us from being in harmony with the world. Resentments are hardened chunks of anger. They loosen up and dissolve with forgiveness and letting go.
Letting go of resentments does not mean we allow the other person to do anything to us that he or she wants. It means we accept what happened in the past, and we set boundaries for the future. We can let go of resentments and still have boundaries.
We try to see the good in the person or the good that ultimately evolved from whatever incident we feel resentful about. We try to see our part.
Then we put the incident to rest.
Praying for those we resent helps. Asking God to take our resentments from us helps too.
What better way to begin a New Year than by cleaning the slate of the past, and entering this one free of resentments.
Higher Power, help me become ready to let go of my resentments. Bring any resentment that is hidden within me, and blocking me, to the surface. Show me what I need to do to take care of my self by letting go of resentments, and then help me do that.
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
Hi everyone,
So to continue w/the neighbor drama. After venting on here and whiners about it and also praying about it I wrote them a note. It basically just asked them to please not slam their door anymore and for the most part they have been trying to be less noisy at least where slamming the door is concerned. I guess now they are making up for it by banging stuff on their floor. The walls are so thin in here that when they do whatever in their living room it feels like they are in my apartment. I sure hope one day can have a home where I won't have to put up with this nonsense, but till then I continue to try and pray about it. Although its 10:45pm and they now are dragging something across their floor.
Lily I love what you wrote because I had a similar experience the other day with a friendship that kinda went south. So when you wrote about it it made me feel like I wasn't so alone in dealing with my situation.
Amy so sorry about the stroke how is uncle Bob now? I will keep him in my prayers. Are you still working lots of hours?
Okay well that's about all. Have a great night all.
So to continue w/the neighbor drama. After venting on here and whiners about it and also praying about it I wrote them a note. It basically just asked them to please not slam their door anymore and for the most part they have been trying to be less noisy at least where slamming the door is concerned. I guess now they are making up for it by banging stuff on their floor. The walls are so thin in here that when they do whatever in their living room it feels like they are in my apartment. I sure hope one day can have a home where I won't have to put up with this nonsense, but till then I continue to try and pray about it. Although its 10:45pm and they now are dragging something across their floor.
Lily I love what you wrote because I had a similar experience the other day with a friendship that kinda went south. So when you wrote about it it made me feel like I wasn't so alone in dealing with my situation.
Amy so sorry about the stroke how is uncle Bob now? I will keep him in my prayers. Are you still working lots of hours?
Okay well that's about all. Have a great night all.
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
The Language of Letting Go
January 21, 2013
Wants and Needs
Part of taking responsibility for us means taking responsibility for what we want and need, and knowing that’s okay to do.
Learning to tune in to us, learning to listen to ourselves, is an art. It takes practice. We can use our ability to guess what others want and need and apply that skill to ourselves.
What does it sound like we might want and need? What would we guess would help us feel better? What are our feelings telling us? Our body? Our mind? Our intuition?
If we ask, then listen closely; we’ll hear the answer.
We are wiser than we think, and we can be trusted.
What we want and need counts. It’s important, and it’s valid. It’s okay to learn to participate in meeting our own needs.
We can learn to identify what we want and need and be patient with ourselves while we’re learning.
Today, I will pay attention to what I want and need. I will not discount myself.
January 21, 2013
Wants and Needs
Part of taking responsibility for us means taking responsibility for what we want and need, and knowing that’s okay to do.
Learning to tune in to us, learning to listen to ourselves, is an art. It takes practice. We can use our ability to guess what others want and need and apply that skill to ourselves.
What does it sound like we might want and need? What would we guess would help us feel better? What are our feelings telling us? Our body? Our mind? Our intuition?
If we ask, then listen closely; we’ll hear the answer.
We are wiser than we think, and we can be trusted.
What we want and need counts. It’s important, and it’s valid. It’s okay to learn to participate in meeting our own needs.
We can learn to identify what we want and need and be patient with ourselves while we’re learning.
Today, I will pay attention to what I want and need. I will not discount myself.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I'm going to see if my hairdresser can do something with this awful color my hair turned out and also really need a cut, and this was the first time I could get in to see her.
At 4:20, am taking Elvis to the vet to be put down I have no doubt it's time and it's the most loving thing I can do, but damn it hurts.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
At 4:20, am taking Elvis to the vet to be put down
I have no doubt it's time and it's the most loving thing I can do, but damn it hurts.Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
Amy so sorry I know how much you love your fur babies but like you said if its better for him that is what counts. Stay strong and we are here for you.
Hope everyone is having a good holiday. I was going to a rally and march in Seattle but it is so foggy and cold out I am not really all that into it. Be back later.
Hope everyone is having a good holiday. I was going to a rally and march in Seattle but it is so foggy and cold out I am not really all that into it. Be back later.
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Awwwwwww crap ((((Amy and Elvis)))), be free little catdude.
On the noisy neighbor: my partner is much "busier" than I am. I have found playing rain or surf sounds in headphones or near me drowns out some of the noises I find offensive. You can hook up to free streaming sites by searching for "free white noise"
My life today is amazing and full. Thank you all.
On the noisy neighbor: my partner is much "busier" than I am. I have found playing rain or surf sounds in headphones or near me drowns out some of the noises I find offensive. You can hook up to free streaming sites by searching for "free white noise"
My life today is amazing and full. Thank you all.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Oh Amy 
When it comes to friends these days, I'm discovering how bitter, contemptuous, cynical, sarcastic.... yep, that sums them up. I know I've not been all that! I must have been trying to fix them and/or I was that desperate for friends!!!
When it comes to friends these days, I'm discovering how bitter, contemptuous, cynical, sarcastic.... yep, that sums them up. I know I've not been all that! I must have been trying to fix them and/or I was that desperate for friends!!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Thank you all. It's done. I posted a poem my wonderful vet gave me on the grief forum. During the drive to the vet's office, I told him how many people love him (a ton of people from here) and he was as calm as he could be.
Mots is stuck to me, like glue. Don't think he understands, but I do appreciate his Eskimo kisses right now.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Mots is stuck to me, like glue. Don't think he understands, but I do appreciate his Eskimo kisses right now.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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