how do I recover from this one?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: birmingham uk
Posts: 20
how do I recover from this one?
my abf got kicked out of rehab then started drinking, in january I told him to go, he went missing for a week
then he called said he had stayed with a man and a woman he had met drinking.
he had been drunk most of the week and had got into a fight. he said he could not keep doing this and wanted to come home, then get help to stop drinking, he would do it this time.
I let him come back home.
2 weeks ago the police came and arrested abf for the fight when they let him go he came home and said he has to go to court for abh.
on the saterday he was drinking again and keeping his phone in his pocket sunday was the same so when he passed out I had a look through his phone
I found a text from a woman saying she loves him, so I used his phone and text her, she answered then I phoned her it turns out,
the week he was missing in january was spent with her and they met in rehab
the fight he got into was because a man that she knows had said she was working the streets a pro
when he sobered up the next day i asked who he had been texting he said no one I told him I knew, we argued I told him to go
he said I love you, im so sorry, he wanted to work things out. I said nothing and just backed away. he left. 2 days later he text so I phoned him to find that he has moved in with her and he said he is in a new relationship now
this man has put me through hell for almost 3 years and then he cheats on me and moves in with a working woman.
so why am I feeling so heartbroken, torn apart im hurting so much, I feel damaged beyond repair How am I going to get over this? and how do I stop loving him I know its stupid but I cant just turn these feeling of like a light. why would he hurt me like this he couldn't really love me and do this so why am i hurting so much
sorry for going on and on and on I need to get it all out.
then he called said he had stayed with a man and a woman he had met drinking.
he had been drunk most of the week and had got into a fight. he said he could not keep doing this and wanted to come home, then get help to stop drinking, he would do it this time.
I let him come back home.
2 weeks ago the police came and arrested abf for the fight when they let him go he came home and said he has to go to court for abh.
on the saterday he was drinking again and keeping his phone in his pocket sunday was the same so when he passed out I had a look through his phone
I found a text from a woman saying she loves him, so I used his phone and text her, she answered then I phoned her it turns out,
the week he was missing in january was spent with her and they met in rehab
the fight he got into was because a man that she knows had said she was working the streets a pro
when he sobered up the next day i asked who he had been texting he said no one I told him I knew, we argued I told him to go
he said I love you, im so sorry, he wanted to work things out. I said nothing and just backed away. he left. 2 days later he text so I phoned him to find that he has moved in with her and he said he is in a new relationship now
this man has put me through hell for almost 3 years and then he cheats on me and moves in with a working woman.
so why am I feeling so heartbroken, torn apart im hurting so much, I feel damaged beyond repair How am I going to get over this? and how do I stop loving him I know its stupid but I cant just turn these feeling of like a light. why would he hurt me like this he couldn't really love me and do this so why am i hurting so much
sorry for going on and on and on I need to get it all out.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Illinois
Posts: 94
So sorry you are going through this, and while my situation isn't the same, I can say I wonder why I am still so hurt by a man who manipulates and shows no concern for my own feelings. Sometimes I wonder if we become so consumed with helping the alcoholic, that we become addicted to them, like our lives revolve around their mess. I know it sounds cliche, but you are better off - you are free! Now it is time to take care of your needs instead of his. I hope you find comfort!
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
I found help in recovering from the end of my relationship by reading the chapter on Grief in the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie.
That book also helped me learn to take better care of myself.
I want to be blunt about another area that needs to addressed in light of his cheating: Please take yourself to see your healthcare professional and have a full STD testing.
Take care of yourself, you are worth the effort.
That book also helped me learn to take better care of myself.
I want to be blunt about another area that needs to addressed in light of his cheating: Please take yourself to see your healthcare professional and have a full STD testing.
Take care of yourself, you are worth the effort.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 329
I am so very sorry and mine nightmare sounds the same! I am a year out of it and much better. He met her in rehab in sept of 2009 stayed sober 30 days, disappeared hooked up with her and I allowed myself to be a ping pong ball the next few years! Thought I could change it and believed he loved me! In his case he did not want to change and she fit his lifestyle. It was a nightmare! I tell you this not to hurt you because everyone is different so I don't know....but I thought nothing could hurt worse!!!!WRONG Nothing like spending a few more yrs fighting a battle that I could not win. I wish for myself I had walked away then. At times I wonder how I will ever undo the damage done to myself...I could careless about his pain right now. It was really a mess! Feel free to send me a personal message anytime. I still find it hard to understand but this site has been a blessing. PS. I paid for rehab and supported both many times wo being aware of it! Addictions is self absorbed and eventually survival! Run and do the best you can. Remove yourself in all ways! You will start to heal but grieving is part of it too! It's tough!
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Northern California
Posts: 106
Im so sorry Jodane...I know it is painful, and I hated hearing this from everyone but it will get better with time....He is doing you a huge favor, he obviously has not respect for you or himself.
Keep posting here, everyone understands
Keep posting here, everyone understands
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: birmingham uk
Posts: 20
Thank you all so very much I know you are all right in saying he did me a favor.
I will try to put myself back together, no I WILL put myself back together, I'll keep posting and once again thank you.
I will try to put myself back together, no I WILL put myself back together, I'll keep posting and once again thank you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 166
Jodane,
He did this because addiction is selfish and he is protecting his ability to drink at all costs. The new one is an A too, she isn't going to get in the way of his drinking. YOU are worth so much more than this haos. I would recommend you go no contact, as hard as it is. Otherwise, you continue to pick the scab off your healing heart. Focus on you, what you like, and keep posting.
He did this because addiction is selfish and he is protecting his ability to drink at all costs. The new one is an A too, she isn't going to get in the way of his drinking. YOU are worth so much more than this haos. I would recommend you go no contact, as hard as it is. Otherwise, you continue to pick the scab off your healing heart. Focus on you, what you like, and keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,243
Just wow,
He did you a huge favor by showing you who he really is... actually he didn't do that as he was deceiving you and putting your health at risk while sleeping a "working woman"! Thank goodness you found out and did the smart thing by cutting ties with this toxic person.
Just yuck.
He is NOT relationship material. He is a train wreck in motion.
Stick around... read, read, read. Sometimes bad things happen and we can work on WHY we got emeshed in the first place and it can become a positive situation because we heal ourselves in the process.
Figuring out why we have sometimes have "broken pickers" makes it easier to pick the right guy in the future!
He did you a huge favor by showing you who he really is... actually he didn't do that as he was deceiving you and putting your health at risk while sleeping a "working woman"! Thank goodness you found out and did the smart thing by cutting ties with this toxic person.
Just yuck.
He is NOT relationship material. He is a train wreck in motion.
Stick around... read, read, read. Sometimes bad things happen and we can work on WHY we got emeshed in the first place and it can become a positive situation because we heal ourselves in the process.
Figuring out why we have sometimes have "broken pickers" makes it easier to pick the right guy in the future!
Attended By a Single Hound
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: England
Posts: 425
Sounds like you've lost him to his addiction rather another woman; that this new set up is just him being an addict and doing anything he can to continue drinking. I totally agree with PattyG...wise words.
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