imallright

So, told the guy that I have been seeing that it was over. The behavior was too similar to what i went thru with my ex-husband. Today the bargaining started..."I won't drink any alcohol except wine and beer and I will stay below .08".... "I only drank the scotch because i wanted to get rid of it and then intended to not buy it ever again". "I miss you". " do you have a double standard, you drink?"

I know I made the right decision to end it, but why am I feeling bad. Also, where does this crazy messed thought process come from?? Why would he think this ok. All these years of therapy and work and still I feel bad and feel like I could get at least sucked into the feelings and emotions... not going back to the relationship though. wow

mrschoices

We feel guilty for taking care of ourselves.
All these relations are is a way to distract myself from doing the same steps the alcoholic does and knowing God better. So our pride is bothering us because we're letting go of something we should which frees us up to now do that work.

MadInBoston

imallright, you feel bad because you're a caring person. If you weren't, you wouldn't give a crap about this guy. You chose him, there are probably some things about him that are great, he's not all bad. He just has this overwhelming problem which causes him to be a manipulative selfish *****. I know it's hard to walk away, believe me I know, I'm at the very beginning of the end myself. But you know you made the right decision. Time will heal the wounds.

Recovering2

"No" is a complete sentence. You have decided this is not the right relationship for you. You don't owe anyone an explanation. You don't have to justify or explain your decision. You weren't comfortable, for whatever reason. Period. That's okay. Kudos to you for recognizing that, and standing up for your boundaries. Snap Snap Snap!

imallright

Thank you. I feel so guilty for caring about him. He is a good person, with a problem...my opinion. I am a good person who doesn't want the kind of problems this presents in my life ever again. I flips me out that I am so concerned about not hurting him. I showed up for me and I now I have to get comfortable knowing that this is not only ok, it is the absolutely right thing for me. Just because he was nice to me, doesn't mean he is right for me. Man it is amazing how much work it takes to "unmess" your head when you have let it be messed up with the issue of addiction.

Thanks for the support and reminders. I need them.

wicked

I like this sentence. It is so right and it kind of flows.
You are doing well imallright.

When my light came on (about my codependency) I knew I was in for some work, because I have been recovering from alcoholism. Looking on the bright side, I realize it is a good thing to be aware and take life one day at a time.

Keep posting, when you post I get help too.

Beth

imallright

my head is spinning today. Today he said he bought a breathalyzer and that I can test him 24/7/365 .... he loves me and wants to be with me.... I know I made the right decision to end this... but man it hurts and I feel terrible. so messed up.

AnvilheadII

might be good to stop engaging. he has a drinking problem. you know how that story ends. buying a breathalyzer to try and get you back is pretty messed up!

you said no. instead of being a gracious adult about it, he's trying every trick in the book to get you to change your mind. he's not respecting your NO. which means he's not respecting you.

imallright

Thanks. I know this is messed up. I know that this about he can get what he thinks he wants...being with me. I also think he is trying to prove to me that he can change. But I do know how this story ends. Have to just say no and stay there. I know I won't go back with him...wish I could just stop feeling bad for saying no. Wish I could feel good for saying yes to me.

atalose

I would go no contact right now. I think your inner codie is getting stired up and you need to do anything and everything to stay the healthy course.

imallright

thank you.... I am not answering his messages. I just want to pretend it never happened. I am giving myself credit for saying no. But having a hard time remembering that I have that right and responsibility for me. I feel like I never should have gotten involved. Even though my mind says...how would you know until it unfolded? I feel like I should have known sooner and someone how should have given him a chance to discuss. I know this isn't true... just feel bad. Gotta let this go.

atalose

As it's said, the experiences we had make us who we are today. You sound very strong and you do certainly have the right to say no.

Much like alcoholics/addicts who play those mind games of I think I can, just a little isn't bad for me, etc. etc. We codies do the same thing and his recent contact with you has stirred that pot and you need to tread these waters very carefully.

If he is leaving you messages, are you listening to them or deleting them?

imallright

reading them. I know I should just ignore them.

Recovering2

Any time you read a message, it pulls you back just a tiny bit. You're going to get a bioligic response..don't let that happen. Just go NC, and give yourself enormous credit for your insight and your strength.

Love the breathalyzer crap. My BF tried that on me when he was drinking. I threw it out. Told him I'm not his keeper, not a Cop.

imallright

Thank you... that's exactly the way I felt... like how messed up is this?? It reminded me of the "bad old days" when I was searching for my ex-husband's drug of choice.... found it and he denied it.... what as long he keeps the below the legal limit then it's all good in our relationships... wow.

I am proud of myself for ending it, but p'ed off that this happened to me, again.