dragonfly1531

Hi, i'm new to this site and am so glad to have found it! When i have looked for advice or support on other sites i belong to, i got a lot of negative feedback towards me. I am hoping to find information and support here. My husband is an alcoholic, for many years now. Some times are better than others, lately everything has been bad. I just needed to find a place where i could go that others understood and didn't ridicule me for what is going on in my life. Mostly its, how can you let your kids around that. And i understand thats bad, my father was an alcoholic, he quit when i was 13. It's just not as simple as people think it is to break up your family and walk away from a man you've loved for 16 years. Anyways, i am starting alanon this week, wednesday morning is my first meeting. I have not told him any of this, about this website or the meeting, and am confused as to whether i should or not. I am also concerned he is going to get suspicious when i try to go to the meeting and will get mad.
These are my first steps for my recovery from the last few years to try and get myself back and help myself, my kids and find out what, if anything, i can do for him. Any advice or just kind words are greatly appreciated. I am truthfully very scared about it all. Last time i tried to go to alanon, i chickened out.
sorry, i didn't intend to make this so long.
Thank you

AnvilheadII

hello and welcome. i'm glad you are taking steps for YOU, because a stronger better you makes you an even better mom. whenever kids are involved, folks can get a little stern...PLEASE understand that it's about protecting kids whenever we can, even if that means from their own mom or dad.

bravo to you. i wish you the best.

imallright

Good for you. Be strong and go to the meeting. The best thing you can do for you and for your kids is take care of you. It is hard to make these decisions to say yes for you. It's hard to look this issue in the face. You are being very brave. Keep talking here, reaching out and go that meeting. Hugs!

Redheadsusie

Glad you found the site- lots of support here! Hope your meeting goes well! Hugs-

atalose

You found a great place here with allot of terrific people. You may not always like what you hear but give it a chance.

Same with al-anon, give it a chance. I would not tell your husband about the meetings or about this site, keep it for YOU and just YOU. Telling him isn’t going to change one thing he does.

Things tend to feel uneasy and scary when we don’t know what to expect, don’t be afraid of al-anon they don’t bite!!! ((hugs))

dragonfly1531

Thank you so much for all the suoport! I don't have much of a support system yet, and i think this site is going to be very helpful. I am going to the meeting this time, its not so much a choice anymore, its something i have to do. Our lives have to change, and its not going to be fast or easy, but i am the one who has to start it. I appreciate all your responses and am so glad to be on this site.

Pelican

Welcome to the SR family!

Please make yourself at home by reading, posting and venting when needed. We are here to support you.

I think you will find a room full of friendly folks who understand where you are, where you have been, and where you can get support when you attend your local Alanon meeting. I encourage you to get yourself through the door (I know how hard that is) that first time and let the members gently guide you through the meeting. You don't have to say a word if you choose not to share.

I wasn't able to say more than my name at my first two meetings ~ because I could feel the flood of unspent tears waiting to escape if I said another word.
That's okay. They understood.

You can also find wonderful support here at SR. Some of our stories are in the Sticky posts at the top of this main page. They are marked with a little padlock symbol on the left column. There are about 14 headings of Sticky posts. Each heading contains a wealth of information.

Here is a link to one of my favorite sticky posts. This Sticky contains steps which helped me while I was still living with active alcoholism in my home. Here is the link:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html

Recovering2

Kudos to finding the courage to take those first important steps on your journey to health! AlAnon will be a great support for you, I got my sanity back at those meetings. I just cried the first few weeks. Now that I've been going for awhile, I realize just how much a newcomer is TRULY welcomed. We all know each other's pain, no matter what our specific story may be.

I would not tell you AH about your meeting, or this forum. Not for now. These things are for you, not for him. AlAnon is not about the alcoholic, it's about you.

Post as often as you need. There is tremendous support here.

Rosiepetal

The most important thing in your life is you.
If you can find ways to make a healthier life for yourself & your children then you are doing the right thing.
SR is a great place to be & loads of support here for you.

imallright

Dragonfly.... I am going to a meeting on Wednesday as well. New meeting for me.... and it's been awhile since I went,but I know I will find another room of people who will listen and understand. Like so many of the others, the first few times I went I just sat and cried. Didn't say a word. Then when I spoke up it felt wonderful to be brave and let it out. Keep coming back and here and look for support where and when ever you can and when you need it. Notice where I came back to when this reared its ugly head again. Lots of friends here. Know that on W, I will thinking of you from across the state in my meeting.