heyjack

In trying to keep this short (good luck me)I met someone a year ago who I thought would have turned out to be a great friend/significant other etc....

....however after a very tumultuous year with her she finally decided one day after being INCREDIBLY MOODY and irritable with me ( from crying that I was screaming at her...which I wasn't, but eventually she got me to be very hard in tone with her)...to incredibly soft-wanted to hug- to slapping me for no reason...then of course crying, apologizing and crying some more touching my face, etc etc...
...then jumping onto my lap and just literally kissing me non stop.

It was all too surreal and even now looking back I can't believe that actually all happened in the span of 2hours.
Someone, please tell me that this sort of behaviour is INCREDIBLY normal for someone with an oxycontin addicition...?..??
She had only recently admitted to me that she actually had an ad icition problem with oxy...after ONE YEAR...?


We have since parted ways after she chose someone else to be friends with, he had a drinking problem, was sober, and has since jumped off the wagon.
i believe he's her enabler... They have drinks together, he gives her sleeping pills (she told me after I found a little baggy in her car with 7 pills), whereas I tried to help her and we always had strong discussions over her erratic behaviour.

This just cant be happening to me, it's such a naive mentality on my part but WOW!
It felt like a dream looking back.


Now I sometimes struggle with my own emotions with this ordeal and think if I'm the crazy one...or if I actually did something wrong.....wth...?

If you read all this, thanks... I've been on such an emotional roller coaster the past couple of weeks I just can't seem to understand just how bad oxy addictions can be and can't believe they make people behave this way.
Completely mind boggling.

Please tell me that what I'm feeling is normal.....

Ann

Welcome, Heyjack.

She's an addict in active addiction and there is no way to find anything rational about an insane situation. Until she stops, your life will continue to be chaos.

Sadly, that's not likely to happen any time soon. We cannot love anyone into sobriety. If we could, not one of us would be here. Most of us learned the hard way that our addicted loved one was not unique and that life for us had become chaos and sadness.

My son is my addicted loved one. After years of trying to love, beg, threaten, buy, negotiate and manipulate him into recovery I had to let go because odds were good that my codependency would kill me even before his drugs killed him.

What helped me find my balance and my sanity again was going to meetings and learning to work a 12 step program that literally saved my life.

I know you think you love this girl, but if you choose to stay with her please prepare yourself for a rough ride.

My prayers go out for both of you, it's heartbreaking to be "us" and it's heartbreaking to be "them".

Hugs

Vale

oxy is a killer,a murderer of souls,a destroyer of families.
at least heroin has a nasty,disgusting,end of the road reputation.
a lot of people (a LOT!) went from oxy to heroin when Perdue Pharma
changed oxy into a harder to abuse form.

both comprise selling ones soul to the devil.

jalier

o

heyjack

Ann you're no doubt right and what's more crazy I want to try and help her (naturally) but it would be futile to do so after reading a lot of posts on here.... A truly horrible and helpless feeling....

Vale, when I read "a murderer of souls" that for some reason really hit me hard, but in a good eye opening sort of way. You're so right. Thanks.

AnvilheadII

She had only recently admitted to me that she actually had an addicition problem with oxy...after ONE YEAR...?

probably was longer than that. but yeah, addiction doesn't really need a whole lot of time to take root. and oxy is some badazz sh*t.

sorry all that happened. it's pretty devastating. but you are in a much better place being away from addiction and all the madness it brings.

oh, sorry, !!!

coming_clean

Ive been in an abusive relationship.
The girl had alcohol problems, after the relationship,i felt crazy for a lomg time.
She got verbally and sometimes physically agressive.

Kinda sounds similar to your story heyjack.
Altough she had an alcohol-problem, no oxy.

heyjack

It may have been, who knows....I'm just doubting the entire past year of everything that happened with us. Everything she said or did, left quite a gash inside me.

It's hurtful to say the least and more importantly it's a bit draining for me now to trust people.

I recently met a couple of girls already and while they were great to talk to, I actively in the back of my mind was trying to figure out if what they were telling me was BS or not, "can I trust way you're saying?" Etc,etc....
We really shouldn't have to do that, should we...? Wth?

heyjack

Well, I feel a bit better knowing I am not the only one that feels crazy.
Regardless if it was alcohol or narcotics, still an addiction and the end result was bad in both instances right?
People who get taken advantage of or abused bleed the same way and get hurt the same way.
We're all in the same boat, except I'm really sick of rowing (lol) I'm just drained from it all.

imallright

Welcome. You are not crazy, but addiction is crazy making. Like Ann said, you can't make sense of of this beacause the behaviors are irrational. Or something like that. I know it helps me every time I hear it. I was naive as well.... and more than once. I am not sure about the trust part. I think it comes back, but for me there is will always be better boundaries ...even it not totally effective... and I will hopefully show up for me quicker rather thinking I have the power to make it right. Hang in and keep talking.

Kindeyes

I was married to an addict many years ago. The behaviors are....irrational......crazy making.

I also had a very hard time trusting after that relationship. But I'm glad I gave it a shot because I met and married a man who is kind, caring, loving, and patient. We've been married for 28 years.

Take care of you and keep an open mind (and heart).

gentle hugs
ke

jzeb2008

That, "I love you" one minute to,"I hate you "the next seems to be very typical of my opiate addict husband.

stucna

It's also very typical bipolar behaviour

Percsagain

Hey jack, I am a recovering addict of OxyContin addiction I was just looking to post for my own help but saw that u are in need too... Oxy's along with another drugs are very cunning powerful drug. I don't know much but I wonder if you support her in any way as far as money goes. It really feels as if you do. And I think she may just be using you. I know how it is when you feel that you love someone you just have to help them. But without her also putting in effort it WILL NEVER WORK! I hate to be so blunt but she is seeing some guy that's giving her pills no one gives pills for free after a while she is definetly doing things for her own benefits. Try to invest your time elsewhere otherwise this road will be an open highway for you (

drc5426

Addiction is addiction is addiction. Whether it’s oxy, crack or alcohol. The nature of the drug may be different but their bottom line behaviors remain the same.

Yes, from what you’ve described it sounds as though she has chosen an enabler as a “friend.” Regardless of your strong talks, her addiction is only going to draw her towards those who will help her get her drug of choice. Strong talks from you will only hinder her drug use.

I always went too far when I would attempt to decipher my partner’s erratic behavior while she was actively using. It was only when I stopped asking why that I found some sort of peace.

She was on drugs and there was nothing more to it.

I often felt that woe was me but that sort of thinking only kept me a victim.

If you’re feeling upset, hurt or angry it’s all normal after having dealt with what you’ve dealt with.

Get it out and reach out. Post here. Read here. Try nar-anon or al-anon. Just aim to get your mind of it.

Seek support.

You’re not crazy… You were only involved with crazy for what I would consider a brief period of time.

Cc77

Wow you lasted a year? My ex only put up with my 'crazy' BS for two months! I was drinking but I was like night and day. For the first eight months, without drinking, he new me as a sweet, smart, and cool chick. For the last two months I was a stumbling, irrational, 4 year old acting( those were his exact words), ball of stress to come home to. Needless to say he kicked me out and I can't blame him. I really felt guilty for this behavior as every morning I would vow not to drink only to end up with a beer in hand every afternoon or morning!! Same sh-- everyday. I went I rehab the day after he kicked me out and have been sober for 26 days. He doesn't want me back and I understand. I just wanted to share that with you. Most 'drunk' nights I don't remember so I know it seemed 'insane' to sober people. This is embarrassing but it is my reality!!!!!! God bless you!!

heyjack

you know you're absolutely right about the boundaries part. if there is anything that I have learned from all this is to be more direct with people and tell them no and mean it.

I've been a people pleaser the majority of my life, a by product of divorced parents, an alcoholic father and a mother that worked like crazy while I was home alone.


So if anything, I learned to not to be too soft with people, or shall I say as soft.

your last sentence is something I'm hoping for myself as well and coming here certainly has helped a ton over the past few days.
thanks

heyjack

Financially I didn't support her at all.
The only way I supported her was by keeping her company and doing things with her (walks, shopping, etc) which I enjoyed doing with her - loved her company. Although she seemed a bit loopy, staggering sometimes, but not terribly, driving insanely fast, once in awhile jumping out in front of me and pulling down her pants a bit to show the top part of her behind.

As for the guy who is enabling her, no doubt about it. In fact, she said one night a few weeks ago before we stopped talking that she gave him a few hundred dollars in cash and he took it and she was upset over that.
Here I thought, all the times I drove her around to places she wanted to go, do things, etc and she never offered me not even $20 for gas, ever. Not that I wanted it, but after what she told me I felt like a complete idiot.

The funny thing is a week or two before she came out and admitted she had problems with Oxys, she said that her doctor told her after a recent visit that she was doing incredibly well with the weaning off the pills.
But after that "love you, hate you, *SLAP*, kiss me, let's do it here in the parking lot" crap, she was only kidding herself sadly enough.
Aww well, I do hope she gets real help and kicks the habit, I'd like to see what she is like without the stuff and be happy.

Thanks Percs, appreciate your input.

heyjack

I'm starting to really believe that I wasn't crazy, but again, I've never experienced anything like this in my self and it was so surreal I thought I was.

Of course I feel sorry for her, because I believe deep down she is just lost and I'm sure she's a great person -or it's just more of me being naive and incredibly stupid.

You're dead on about the woe is me part, gotta stop that victim role stuff.

stucna

Addict behaviour is unexpected, rapid and extreme. I couldn't understand what's going on for long time. It took me a while to believe that I wasn't crazy on. I remember once I said to my xabf "who is this aweful person that you become?!?" and he told me "well, you have changed as well!!!".

You are not crazy one neither, you just got involved in crazy environment that your gf has created.