avocado

this is not necessarily just recovery related. I mean, in general - pessimistic people. And I don't just mean blatantly negative attitudes, but people who mean well but are hopelessly glass half empty types. To use my specific example, I have been planning a road trip for quite some time. I tell my parents my date to leave is some time around the beginning of april and instead of being happy for me, they give these disapproving looks and say the weather might be bad. Well, yeah, the weather can always be bad, but we're talking ten days away from now at least and in the modern age we have ways to check weather forecasts so it's not like I'll be driving directly in to a blizzard. And, even if I did get caught in a snow storm I could get a motel room and wait it out. I'm not driving into the tundra. Well, anyway I didn't have an argument per se, but I was pretty up front about being annoyed by their even bringing it up. Now I feel bad about it, but I really don't think I should. I know they mean well and are just concerned, but their pessimism about such things really weighs down on me because it's a part of my own thinking that I work to overcome. The reason I'm venting here is because I don't really have anyone in my life to confide in about such things, and this is the only place I post anonymously about anything. Kind of just venting, really.

Mizzuno

Let it out Avo! Do what you need to do. Go on that trip and have fun. You are happy about it, and hopefully you will remain that way. Their negativity is their own deal and not yours. You have nothing to feel bad about.

avocado

True, but I still feel kind of guilty about how I react to it.

least

Being a parent myself I can say that your parents are probably just worried about you safety. Kids are never too old to not worry about - it goes with parenting.

On the other hand, I'd say go on your trip anyway and have a good time. Your parents might be concerned but after all, this is your life and you have to live it, not anyone else.

Mizzuno

Alright. You are allowed to feel guilty. There is no harm in that. How would you change your behavior so that you no longer feel guilty?

deeker

It's all a part of our spiritual journey in recovery. God will put little tests in our lives for us to practice love and tolerance, for our growth. Sometimes we succeed and sometimes we don't but at least we begin to have a consciense again. My Mom is the same way. She can't help but worry. Have a great time! Bring a shovel.

TryingHarder

I get that you feel guilty. How about just telling them you're sorry you were snappy and appreciate their concern. Then go on your trip and have fun!

Parents don't usually mean to be downers. They just love their kids (mom of 3 adult children.)

Received

Admittedly, as a parent (mom) I am guilty of this with my kids. I've gotten a lot better but woah boy, when they were in the late teens and early 20's I was a mess. My son, up until a couple years ago loved living on the edge and it nearly drove me to drink...oh wait.....lol.

Seriously though, my children will always be my babies and letting go was terribly hard for me and I'm sure it made my children just as frustrated as you are.

ETA: We just love you young'ins soooooooooo much.

avocado

I kind of want to explain to them my rationalization for why their concerns are unfounded, but I fear doing that while discussing because I have a tendency to be forceful in my arguments. I studied philosophy in college. I like to argue, but I suppose sometimes I cross the line of decorum with people who don't enjoy argument like I do. I'm thinking I can write an email to my mom, but I worry about sounding like I'm making too big a deal about it. I also would want to explain to them that I'm working on the part of myself that's pessimistic, but I worry that this will come off like me blaming them for that aspect of my mind.

TryingHarder

I'm 57 and my mom is 77 and she still says stuff like that to me. I smile and hug her and say thanks mom. I will be careful.

Received

Good luck with that. A parent's concern and love can defy all rationalization. And, imo, all the philosophical thinking and education in the world is not going to even come close to defining the depth of love we feel for our children.

Mizzuno

Is it that you want their support for your trip and not all the guilt laying that goes with it? I mean, why all the worry??? You go and have yourself a wonderful time.

TryingHarder

Honestly, I don't think you need to write to them or explain your reasons for disagreeing with them. You don't need to react at all to pessimistic things. Since it is your parents we're talking about, I think you should just let them be and respect their ways are different than yours. And go have a fun trip.

avocado

thanks, everyone. lots of good posts.

SereneEdition

Hey Avocado - Have fun on your trip. You have me intrigued - where are you headed?

The fact that you are focusing on managing your reactions to others rather than putting the source on others, that you're willing to talk about it, and that you're interested in doing it differently next time all speak to progress in sobriety! Congrats.

Can you remember what mood you were in before the comment set you off? Were you apprehensive, needing some support, etc - articulating what you needed and how the situation failed to provide that should help you get clarity on keeping you content and react differently in situation. Sounds like this may have been the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back.

I highly recommend checking out HALT. Also, framing each situation as an opportunity to practice will make working with negative people more palatable.

Also don't be so hard on yourself! Don't discount how much our brain can be all out of sorts in early recover, which can make it tough to handle emotions.

Cheers

Nattythreads

Jeez mate just pick up the phone and say "sorry for being a bit snappy. I'll take care on the trip I promise."

That'll do the job nicely.

friskme

I say fight Negativism with Positivism! I have had to deal with my oldest daughters pessimism all her life. She is such a pessimistic soul and always worries. It didn't really bother me too much until I started drinking and then drank more. But people who are always looking at the negative side are not risk takers. That isn't "bad", it jes isn't adventuresome.
Send them postcards from your trip....every town/city you visit! Be happy...spread your wings!!

avocado

SereneEdition - I am driving to colorado first, a few stops on the way. then I'm going to bounce around out west for a bit. Having a bit of a 'walkabout'. It could be a month or I could find work and be gone for a while. This is part of why I feel a bit guilty in general, because I'm leaving. But, I know it's what I have to and want to do to progress my life.

friskme

Good for you Avocado! Find your space and place in this life!!

1newcreation

You give more power to what you focus on! If there's nthg u can do since its fam, flip the conversation & say "that may be true but its supp to clear up later in the day"...smthg along those lines. Just make sure u're last words in the room leave an optimistic aura