How do you deal with pessimistic people...
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Originally Posted by deeker 
It's all a part of our spiritual journey in recovery. God will put little tests in our lives for us to practice love and tolerance, for our growth. Sometimes we succeed and sometimes we don't but at least we begin to have a consciense again. My Mom is the same way. She can't help but worry. Have a great time! Bring a shovel.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 26
Good thread, lots of things in here for me too.
avocado, are your parents my parents? In the past they really discouraged me, and it became sort of a self-fulfilling prophecy. I wanted to study in another city, my mother told me she was scared I would fail BOOM I failed. I wanted to lose weight, mum would say: I don't believe you can, and what do you know, I couldn't.
Anyway I try to mentally disentangle myself from them now, just nod and smile and live my own live now. I know it's super hard, and I'm still not really good at it lol.
I hope you'll have a great road-trip!
avocado, are your parents my parents? In the past they really discouraged me, and it became sort of a self-fulfilling prophecy. I wanted to study in another city, my mother told me she was scared I would fail BOOM I failed. I wanted to lose weight, mum would say: I don't believe you can, and what do you know, I couldn't.
Anyway I try to mentally disentangle myself from them now, just nod and smile and live my own live now. I know it's super hard, and I'm still not really good at it lol.
I hope you'll have a great road-trip!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Unfortunately there is no ignore button for your parents...
My mother used to do this all the time...i could mention that i was spending the day at the beach, and she would warn me about drowning, undertow, sharks...anything to take the fun out of it....one day i blew up and asked her to PULEEZE just say "have a nice time fandy"...
I try to never project my fears on my daughter, (shes 32)...if i do she reminds me, lol...and i shut up.
My mother used to do this all the time...i could mention that i was spending the day at the beach, and she would warn me about drowning, undertow, sharks...anything to take the fun out of it....one day i blew up and asked her to PULEEZE just say "have a nice time fandy"...
I try to never project my fears on my daughter, (shes 32)...if i do she reminds me, lol...and i shut up.
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
Interesting thread. My folks react a bit like yours avocado, but I am 50, so its my bad for letting them get in my head like that. It still pisses me off, though, and, like you i am a bit forceful, as is my dad. I thought it was over with sobriety, but over labor day weekend last fall, my dad and I had a big, cussing argument over a scrabble game, of all things, and it was a prelude to a 5-plus month relapse for me, after 13 months sober. So, my advice is to work it out in your mind so that doesnt happen. And dont let their disapproval become a reason to relapse, like it did for me. That one took me by surprise. Good advice on HALT as well.
Thanks for the thread.
Thanks for the thread.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Originally Posted by avocado
I kind of want to explain to them my rationalization for why their concerns are unfounded, but I fear doing that while discussing because I have a tendency to be forceful in my arguments. I studied philosophy in college. I like to argue, but I suppose sometimes I cross the line of decorum with people who don't enjoy argument like I do. I'm thinking I can write an email to my mom, but I worry about sounding like I'm making too big a deal about it. I also would want to explain to them that I'm working on the part of myself that's pessimistic, but I worry that this will come off like me blaming them for that aspect of my mind.
I also try and make her see my point of view on everything. It's such a waste of time. I have no control over what she understands, no matter how rational I think my argument is. I think part of it on my side is that I want her to accept and understand me. She does, in her way, but it's from a different perspective than mine so we're often at cross purposes. I don't know how to handle it myself. My sisters have done a really good job of just ignoring a lot of what she says. I think I'm just over sensitive. I am just trying to not let it bother me. 
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