My alcoholic live in boyfriend left Friday
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: baton rouge, la
Posts: 1
My alcoholic live in boyfriend left Friday 
I moved to a neighboring state for a great job in June, he followed me here in Oct. He has been trying to get work, we live in a small 1 BR and its crowded, we have a family member staying on the couch also looking for work and cats. Recenly he's been pretty much every weekend in the ER with withdrawls. Each time telling me he can't do this anymore, this is the last time.....last weekend I actually believed him for the first time....he drove himself to the ER, they admitted him and he was detoxed. He got out went to the doctor, got on a waiting list for detox/rehab (by the state cause no insurance) and has an apt with a therapist in 2 weeks.....As far as I can tell no drinking or abusing pres pain pills this week. Then Thurs rolls around and he says he has all this potential work back home. Just needs help getting there gas money. At first I resisted didn't want to help but he convinced me it was what he needed to get back on his mental feet, he needed work, he needed to make money to help me pay for things. He needed this. So I paid for gas and flat tire repair on the way there. I called the tire place to be sure it was actually done and it was. He called several times to tell me he loved me and would call me when he got to his sisters house. The plan was he's drive there every night to stay with her, it is an hour drive each way but he had no where else to stay locally. So we talked about how he could take a bunch of food with him, blakets, pillows and stay in the car if need be till he started making money...it was a plan..Well Friday night comes, no call he got there. Normally I would have called his sister but I refrained. I called his cell no answer but I know the VM code and listened it was a message from his drinking buddy saying yes just let me know....assume that meant he asked if he could come stay with him....he too lives in the hour away city....but has friends in the city my ABF is to work in....
I was proud of myself, I started looking into Al-Anon, I am going to my first meeting tonight, yesterday I spent the day on me, I got my nails done, a massage a facial and then last night came.....I felt his absence, I read the Al-anon site info, and realized I'd just enabled him, AGAIN... I fell for the lies AGAIN.....part of me thought no he's just focusing on work...but I know when he goes on these binges he disappears for days....for the first time I realized this is a disease he has no control over.....he's tried and failed again.
I read that he needs my support and love, encouragement when sober. He sent me an email Thursday saying that same thing....I didn't hear him.
So I called thinking I'd just leave a message saying I love you and miss you and hope your doing well and hope you'll feel like calling me soon because I miss your voice, I'm here for you baby.... well I did that but then I called right back thinking I'd delete the VM and he picked up....well his pocket picked up....I listened to 8 minutes of him out at a club or bar and I think playing darts with some people, some of whom are girls, he was saying it's Karens' turn and asking another one what was her name and talking about a game and cheering and talking and laughing and having fun.....
Immediately I felt hurt and cried how can he go out and have fun and leave me here like this? Why can't I be the one he wants to have fun with? Why when with me I get the responsibility of paying the bills and taking care of him when he goes into the ER and hospital..?
Then I re-read the email he sent me earlier this week and my gut at the time read it as a good bye email....the way it ended:
I am very sorry for the blow up this morning about something so stupid. That was very uncalled for. and the word calling ******* Bitch is also uncalled for. I will continue the job search with all the moms and pops, and put my resume in with (our town)jobs.com. All I want want is some encouragement and Love. I am frustrated because I have four appointments in austin this weekend and I know you dont want me to go because your affraid Im going to party the whole time and blow whatever profits i do make. I need trust right now and support as well as our love to be strong and not fall apart. This is a least an opprotunity to make some $. I have not found that here yet but I will keep trying. This opprotunity will a least give me a chance to get some debt paid. I will try to get a hold of my folks to see if they can help me with $ for gas. I am not going to pass up something that is right there for me. I hope you understand. I will always love you and everything you have done for me and I know I will stiil be in your thoughts as well as You in mine... Love (his name). I will succeed!!!!*:x lovestruck
He's with the worst possible influence, this friend is bad news for my ABF....
So today got up started researching al-anon and trying to figure out what do I do? I love this man, the man he is sober. He's amazing as that man.....maybe it is the move that has triggered he's relapse....maybe it is better for him to go back and get out of this environment, it is a bit depressing but I love my job and the people I work with just wish it were back home....I miss home....the plan was to move back at some point transfer if I can but not for a while...
Everyone is telling me to leave him and I know maybe it makes sense to everyone that I should but I really know there is something there worth saving but I can't do it for him....
Right now I'm just worried he's left me and won't be back....some of his things are here but he took all of his hanging clothes, party clothes even his suit....I think maybe the things he left are things he doesn't care about but then there are family things here.....I just don't know. Part of me KNOWs he had the best of intentions to go and only work and I wonder if I had offered to pay for a hotel for him as I'd done before would he have stayed away from the bad influences? But I read here and on the al-anon sites that would be enabling....
I wish I hadn't have given him the money, he'd be here with me on the right track.....I blame myself for enabling him back to square one....
I'm going to the meeting tonight but in the meantime I just don't know what to do? Do I not call, ignore him completely when he eventually does call? How do I handle this? He's done this before a year ago he'd take off and binge for days then call me to come get him but now he has a car. A month ago he just took off when he had some money and stayed in a local hotel for 4 days before finally calling me when the money ran out....
The family member staying on my couch is my ex husand, he's just a friend and we have let him stay here till he finds a job. Its crowded but he's helped me in the past when I was out of work so I feel I owe him. I think again I've pushed my ABF into these binges cause he can't handle stress.
I feel like the stress of the ex in the same house is what's doing this that is what he said when he did the local hotel binge.....I'm so confused....is he NOT coming back? Is this my fault for having the couch guest? Am I creating a stressful environment for his fragile mental state and therefore an unhealthy environment? I told him this week, I wasn't doing this anymore every weekend is spent in the ER or hospital and I'm tired, I'm stressed. He says he loves me, never loved anyone like this, will never let me go...so why do I feel so used right now?
Please help what do I do...?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Sorry you are going through this. I hope you find al-anon and give it a chance to help you.
You did not, do not CAUSE him to be an addict
You will not and can not CONTROL his addiction
You will not and can not CURE his addiction
It's so confusing when our lives become unmanageable due to someone else's behavior. Al-anon can and will help you sort through all of this if you give it a chance.
((hugs))
You did not, do not CAUSE him to be an addict
You will not and can not CONTROL his addiction
You will not and can not CURE his addiction
It's so confusing when our lives become unmanageable due to someone else's behavior. Al-anon can and will help you sort through all of this if you give it a chance.
((hugs))
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
He's done this before a year ago he'd take off and binge for days then call me to come get him but now he has a car. A month ago he just took off when he had some money and stayed in a local hotel for 4 days before finally calling me when the money ran out....
Recenly he's been pretty much every weekend in the ER with withdrawls.
Then Thurs rolls around and he says he has all this potential work back home. Just needs help getting there gas money. At first I resisted didn't want to help but he convinced me it was what he needed to get back on his mental feet, he needed work, he needed to make money to help me pay for things. He needed this. So I paid for gas and flat tire repair on the way there.
I listened to 8 minutes of him out at a club or bar and I think playing darts with some people, some of whom are girls, he was saying it's Karens' turn and asking another one what was her name and talking about a game and cheering and talking and laughing and having fun.....
there's a pattern there. do you see it? for all his TALK, what do his ACTIONS tell you time and again?
it's tough to step back and take a good hard look at the facts. but the truth shall set you free.
Recenly he's been pretty much every weekend in the ER with withdrawls.
Then Thurs rolls around and he says he has all this potential work back home. Just needs help getting there gas money. At first I resisted didn't want to help but he convinced me it was what he needed to get back on his mental feet, he needed work, he needed to make money to help me pay for things. He needed this. So I paid for gas and flat tire repair on the way there.
I listened to 8 minutes of him out at a club or bar and I think playing darts with some people, some of whom are girls, he was saying it's Karens' turn and asking another one what was her name and talking about a game and cheering and talking and laughing and having fun.....
there's a pattern there. do you see it? for all his TALK, what do his ACTIONS tell you time and again?
it's tough to step back and take a good hard look at the facts. but the truth shall set you free.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New York
Posts: 877
Quite simply, he sounds like he is not ready to quit drinking and you were getting in the way of his addiction. This doesn't have anything to do with your ex sleeping on the couch, or anything you did or did not do, this is ALL about the fact he is an alcoholic.
I was in a similar situation a few months ago: my ex left me because I was in the way of his addiction. I was totally devastated but I can honestly say that I am now to a point where all I feel is relief that he is out of my life... And there are tons of similar stories on here. Keep reading, and keep taking care of YOU.
I was in a similar situation a few months ago: my ex left me because I was in the way of his addiction. I was totally devastated but I can honestly say that I am now to a point where all I feel is relief that he is out of my life... And there are tons of similar stories on here. Keep reading, and keep taking care of YOU.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 329
I am sorry your going thru this and I have also been in a very similar situation! Absolutely horrible and devastating for me. I hung in there, made excuses, believed in him, supported him.......over and over! For us it never changed and ended after 4+ years. I wish I had quit trying to change something I couldn't long before...my thinking then sounds so much like how I use to feel/think.
Think long and hard before you keep banging you head with pain! Certainly will tell you what you want to here & I wanted to believe every bit of it! In the end, I felt even worse bc there were so many lies so much invested! I hope I have not come across too harsh
bc I certainly feel for you. Take care of yourself.
Think long and hard before you keep banging you head with pain! Certainly will tell you what you want to here & I wanted to believe every bit of it! In the end, I felt even worse bc there were so many lies so much invested! I hope I have not come across too harsh
bc I certainly feel for you. Take care of yourself.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 23
It's been 6 months I think since I found out that my husband is using heroin. We've had nearly a dozen "crises" since then, each one pushing me closer to the point where I can let him go. Yesterday was the latest, I was devastated, and he went into a detox program last last night. Today I'm gaining strength. I wrote him a letter of support but it included firm statements that I will no longer allow him to damage me or our relationship, and if he wants to go down the path to ruin I will not accompany him. I dropped off the letter along with some extra clothing and supplies for him at the detox facility. We cannot talk on the phone while he's there. I am using my time alone to build my confidence. I was single for most of my adult life, happily single, and I can be happily single again. It will hurt me greatly if he leaves me, or if I have to leave him, but it will hurt me more if I stay with him while he's using. I need to cut my losses. What has happened in the past cannot affect my decision for how to proceed. Nobody need to "win" in the competitive sense. I need to put my life back together, and if he wants to be with me he'll have to put his back together too.
SO I'm posting because I realize as I read plakeway's post that each of us is unique. We're at different stages in the process, have different situations, and have different abilities to cope with the mess that the addicts create. We also have different tolerance for walking away. I know women who would rather stay in a horrible relationship than be single. I'm not like that. That's not to say I won't miss him terribly for some period of time, we've been together for nearly 7 years and married for nearly 6. It will be really hard to walk away from him, I'll probably feel guilty for a while, I'll miss him, and I'll be hurt and maybe even jealous if I see him with another woman after we divorce. But if he chooses to continue using I know I cannot be happy with him and I must be on my own.
Not sure what will happen when he comes out of detox, he told me before he went in that he wants us to try to save our marriage but who knows how he'll feel when he's done there. I'm preparing myself for him to say he wants to leave, whether he feels our marriage is too damaged (by him!) to save or he wants to continue using and knows I won't put up with it. I'm already visualizing my life without him, trying to do it in a positive way. Tonight I'm at peace all alone in our condo, no stress, I'm not tracking him or worrying that he's snorting in the bathroom or nodding off in the living room. I am remembering how easy my life was before I met him, when all of my free time was my own, I would travel or do hobbies or put in extra hours at work our go out to see films or go shopping or eat out. It was a good life and I want to remember that and not get caught up in the bad emotions of losing someone. I will always love him but if he cannot or will not fix himself there's nothing I can do.
Thanks for reading ...
SO I'm posting because I realize as I read plakeway's post that each of us is unique. We're at different stages in the process, have different situations, and have different abilities to cope with the mess that the addicts create. We also have different tolerance for walking away. I know women who would rather stay in a horrible relationship than be single. I'm not like that. That's not to say I won't miss him terribly for some period of time, we've been together for nearly 7 years and married for nearly 6. It will be really hard to walk away from him, I'll probably feel guilty for a while, I'll miss him, and I'll be hurt and maybe even jealous if I see him with another woman after we divorce. But if he chooses to continue using I know I cannot be happy with him and I must be on my own.
Not sure what will happen when he comes out of detox, he told me before he went in that he wants us to try to save our marriage but who knows how he'll feel when he's done there. I'm preparing myself for him to say he wants to leave, whether he feels our marriage is too damaged (by him!) to save or he wants to continue using and knows I won't put up with it. I'm already visualizing my life without him, trying to do it in a positive way. Tonight I'm at peace all alone in our condo, no stress, I'm not tracking him or worrying that he's snorting in the bathroom or nodding off in the living room. I am remembering how easy my life was before I met him, when all of my free time was my own, I would travel or do hobbies or put in extra hours at work our go out to see films or go shopping or eat out. It was a good life and I want to remember that and not get caught up in the bad emotions of losing someone. I will always love him but if he cannot or will not fix himself there's nothing I can do.
Thanks for reading ...
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
:horse:horseDear plakeway, most likely you will hear from him again when his current resources run out.
I have heard a saying around AA circles: "It is hard to get rid of an alcoholic"
When they get hungry they find their way to your backdoor, again.
In my opinion, you are being used to enable him. He knows how to manipulate you--he knows where your hot buttons are. He is taking advantage of your good nature (and any co-dependency needs).
Honey, hang on to alanon and RESIST THE GUILT!!!!
***He "says" he loves you---I would hate to think of how he would treat you if he hated you!!!!!
sincerely, dandylion
I have heard a saying around AA circles: "It is hard to get rid of an alcoholic"
When they get hungry they find their way to your backdoor, again.
In my opinion, you are being used to enable him. He knows how to manipulate you--he knows where your hot buttons are. He is taking advantage of your good nature (and any co-dependency needs).
Honey, hang on to alanon and RESIST THE GUILT!!!!
***He "says" he loves you---I would hate to think of how he would treat you if he hated you!!!!!
sincerely, dandylion
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,826
He hasn,t left,he,ll be back when he,s done on his binge.
In the meantime I wouldn,t call him. Give him a chance to contact you. This is not your fault,you could stand on your head and he,d still bedoing this.
What is our fault is when we don,t take care of ourselves.
By the way is the car in your name and if it is can you have your name taken off from a distance?
Just some thoughts.
I moved to a neighboring state for a great job in June, he followed me here in Oct. He has been trying to get work, we live in a small 1 BR and its crowded, we have a family member staying on the couch also looking for work and cats. Recenly he's been pretty much every weekend in the ER with withdrawls. Each time telling me he can't do this anymore, this is the last time.....last weekend I actually believed him for the first time....he drove himself to the ER, they admitted him and he was detoxed. He got out went to the doctor, got on a waiting list for detox/rehab (by the state cause no insurance) and has an apt with a therapist in 2 weeks.....As far as I can tell no drinking or abusing pres pain pills this week. Then Thurs rolls around and he says he has all this potential work back home. Just needs help getting there gas money. At first I resisted didn't want to help but he convinced me it was what he needed to get back on his mental feet, he needed work, he needed to make money to help me pay for things. He needed this. So I paid for gas and flat tire repair on the way there. I called the tire place to be sure it was actually done and it was. He called several times to tell me he loved me and would call me when he got to his sisters house. The plan was he's drive there every night to stay with her, it is an hour drive each way but he had no where else to stay locally. So we talked about how he could take a bunch of food with him, blakets, pillows and stay in the car if need be till he started making money...it was a plan..
Well Friday night comes, no call he got there. Normally I would have called his sister but I refrained. I called his cell no answer but I know the VM code and listened it was a message from his drinking buddy saying yes just let me know....assume that meant he asked if he could come stay with him....he too lives in the hour away city....but has friends in the city my ABF is to work in....
I was proud of myself, I started looking into Al-Anon, I am going to my first meeting tonight, yesterday I spent the day on me, I got my nails done, a massage a facial and then last night came.....I felt his absence, I read the Al-anon site info, and realized I'd just enabled him, AGAIN... I fell for the lies AGAIN.....part of me thought no he's just focusing on work...but I know when he goes on these binges he disappears for days....for the first time I realized this is a disease he has no control over.....he's tried and failed again.
I read that he needs my support and love, encouragement when sober. He sent me an email Thursday saying that same thing....I didn't hear him.
So I called thinking I'd just leave a message saying I love you and miss you and hope your doing well and hope you'll feel like calling me soon because I miss your voice, I'm here for you baby.... well I did that but then I called right back thinking I'd delete the VM and he picked up....well his pocket picked up....I listened to 8 minutes of him out at a club or bar and I think playing darts with some people, some of whom are girls, he was saying it's Karens' turn and asking another one what was her name and talking about a game and cheering and talking and laughing and having fun.....
Immediately I felt hurt and cried how can he go out and have fun and leave me here like this? Why can't I be the one he wants to have fun with? Why when with me I get the responsibility of paying the bills and taking care of him when he goes into the ER and hospital..?
Then I re-read the email he sent me earlier this week and my gut at the time read it as a good bye email....the way it ended:
I am very sorry for the blow up this morning about something so stupid. That was very uncalled for. and the word calling ******* Bitch is also uncalled for. I will continue the job search with all the moms and pops, and put my resume in with (our town)jobs.com. All I want want is some encouragement and Love. I am frustrated because I have four appointments in austin this weekend and I know you dont want me to go because your affraid Im going to party the whole time and blow whatever profits i do make. I need trust right now and support as well as our love to be strong and not fall apart. This is a least an opprotunity to make some $. I have not found that here yet but I will keep trying. This opprotunity will a least give me a chance to get some debt paid. I will try to get a hold of my folks to see if they can help me with $ for gas. I am not going to pass up something that is right there for me. I hope you understand. I will always love you and everything you have done for me and I know I will stiil be in your thoughts as well as You in mine... Love (his name). I will succeed!!!!*:x lovestruck
He's with the worst possible influence, this friend is bad news for my ABF....
So today got up started researching al-anon and trying to figure out what do I do? I love this man, the man he is sober. He's amazing as that man.....maybe it is the move that has triggered he's relapse....maybe it is better for him to go back and get out of this environment, it is a bit depressing but I love my job and the people I work with just wish it were back home....I miss home....the plan was to move back at some point transfer if I can but not for a while...
Everyone is telling me to leave him and I know maybe it makes sense to everyone that I should but I really know there is something there worth saving but I can't do it for him....
Right now I'm just worried he's left me and won't be back....some of his things are here but he took all of his hanging clothes, party clothes even his suit....I think maybe the things he left are things he doesn't care about but then there are family things here.....I just don't know. Part of me KNOWs he had the best of intentions to go and only work and I wonder if I had offered to pay for a hotel for him as I'd done before would he have stayed away from the bad influences? But I read here and on the al-anon sites that would be enabling....
I wish I hadn't have given him the money, he'd be here with me on the right track.....I blame myself for enabling him back to square one....
I'm going to the meeting tonight but in the meantime I just don't know what to do? Do I not call, ignore him completely when he eventually does call? How do I handle this? He's done this before a year ago he'd take off and binge for days then call me to come get him but now he has a car. A month ago he just took off when he had some money and stayed in a local hotel for 4 days before finally calling me when the money ran out....
The family member staying on my couch is my ex husand, he's just a friend and we have let him stay here till he finds a job. Its crowded but he's helped me in the past when I was out of work so I feel I owe him. I think again I've pushed my ABF into these binges cause he can't handle stress. I feel like the stress of the ex in the same house is what's doing this that is what he said when he did the local hotel binge.....
I'm so confused....is he NOT coming back? Is this my fault for having the couch guest? Am I creating a stressful environment for his fragile mental state and therefore an unhealthy environment? I told him this week, I wasn't doing this anymore every weekend is spent in the ER or hospital and I'm tired, I'm stressed. He says he loves me, never loved anyone like this, will never let me go...so why do I feel so used right now?
Please help what do I do...?
In the meantime I wouldn,t call him. Give him a chance to contact you. This is not your fault,you could stand on your head and he,d still bedoing this.
What is our fault is when we don,t take care of ourselves.
By the way is the car in your name and if it is can you have your name taken off from a distance?
Just some thoughts.
Originally Posted by plakeway 
I moved to a neighboring state for a great job in June, he followed me here in Oct. He has been trying to get work, we live in a small 1 BR and its crowded, we have a family member staying on the couch also looking for work and cats. Recenly he's been pretty much every weekend in the ER with withdrawls. Each time telling me he can't do this anymore, this is the last time.....last weekend I actually believed him for the first time....he drove himself to the ER, they admitted him and he was detoxed. He got out went to the doctor, got on a waiting list for detox/rehab (by the state cause no insurance) and has an apt with a therapist in 2 weeks.....As far as I can tell no drinking or abusing pres pain pills this week. Then Thurs rolls around and he says he has all this potential work back home. Just needs help getting there gas money. At first I resisted didn't want to help but he convinced me it was what he needed to get back on his mental feet, he needed work, he needed to make money to help me pay for things. He needed this. So I paid for gas and flat tire repair on the way there. I called the tire place to be sure it was actually done and it was. He called several times to tell me he loved me and would call me when he got to his sisters house. The plan was he's drive there every night to stay with her, it is an hour drive each way but he had no where else to stay locally. So we talked about how he could take a bunch of food with him, blakets, pillows and stay in the car if need be till he started making money...it was a plan..Well Friday night comes, no call he got there. Normally I would have called his sister but I refrained. I called his cell no answer but I know the VM code and listened it was a message from his drinking buddy saying yes just let me know....assume that meant he asked if he could come stay with him....he too lives in the hour away city....but has friends in the city my ABF is to work in....
I was proud of myself, I started looking into Al-Anon, I am going to my first meeting tonight, yesterday I spent the day on me, I got my nails done, a massage a facial and then last night came.....I felt his absence, I read the Al-anon site info, and realized I'd just enabled him, AGAIN... I fell for the lies AGAIN.....part of me thought no he's just focusing on work...but I know when he goes on these binges he disappears for days....for the first time I realized this is a disease he has no control over.....he's tried and failed again.
I read that he needs my support and love, encouragement when sober. He sent me an email Thursday saying that same thing....I didn't hear him.
So I called thinking I'd just leave a message saying I love you and miss you and hope your doing well and hope you'll feel like calling me soon because I miss your voice, I'm here for you baby.... well I did that but then I called right back thinking I'd delete the VM and he picked up....well his pocket picked up....I listened to 8 minutes of him out at a club or bar and I think playing darts with some people, some of whom are girls, he was saying it's Karens' turn and asking another one what was her name and talking about a game and cheering and talking and laughing and having fun.....
Immediately I felt hurt and cried how can he go out and have fun and leave me here like this? Why can't I be the one he wants to have fun with? Why when with me I get the responsibility of paying the bills and taking care of him when he goes into the ER and hospital..?
Then I re-read the email he sent me earlier this week and my gut at the time read it as a good bye email....the way it ended:
I am very sorry for the blow up this morning about something so stupid. That was very uncalled for. and the word calling ******* Bitch is also uncalled for. I will continue the job search with all the moms and pops, and put my resume in with (our town)jobs.com. All I want want is some encouragement and Love. I am frustrated because I have four appointments in austin this weekend and I know you dont want me to go because your affraid Im going to party the whole time and blow whatever profits i do make. I need trust right now and support as well as our love to be strong and not fall apart. This is a least an opprotunity to make some $. I have not found that here yet but I will keep trying. This opprotunity will a least give me a chance to get some debt paid. I will try to get a hold of my folks to see if they can help me with $ for gas. I am not going to pass up something that is right there for me. I hope you understand. I will always love you and everything you have done for me and I know I will stiil be in your thoughts as well as You in mine... Love (his name). I will succeed!!!!*:x lovestruck
He's with the worst possible influence, this friend is bad news for my ABF....
So today got up started researching al-anon and trying to figure out what do I do? I love this man, the man he is sober. He's amazing as that man.....maybe it is the move that has triggered he's relapse....maybe it is better for him to go back and get out of this environment, it is a bit depressing but I love my job and the people I work with just wish it were back home....I miss home....the plan was to move back at some point transfer if I can but not for a while...
Everyone is telling me to leave him and I know maybe it makes sense to everyone that I should but I really know there is something there worth saving but I can't do it for him....
Right now I'm just worried he's left me and won't be back....some of his things are here but he took all of his hanging clothes, party clothes even his suit....I think maybe the things he left are things he doesn't care about but then there are family things here.....I just don't know. Part of me KNOWs he had the best of intentions to go and only work and I wonder if I had offered to pay for a hotel for him as I'd done before would he have stayed away from the bad influences? But I read here and on the al-anon sites that would be enabling....
I wish I hadn't have given him the money, he'd be here with me on the right track.....I blame myself for enabling him back to square one....
I'm going to the meeting tonight but in the meantime I just don't know what to do? Do I not call, ignore him completely when he eventually does call? How do I handle this? He's done this before a year ago he'd take off and binge for days then call me to come get him but now he has a car. A month ago he just took off when he had some money and stayed in a local hotel for 4 days before finally calling me when the money ran out....
The family member staying on my couch is my ex husand, he's just a friend and we have let him stay here till he finds a job. Its crowded but he's helped me in the past when I was out of work so I feel I owe him. I think again I've pushed my ABF into these binges cause he can't handle stress.
I feel like the stress of the ex in the same house is what's doing this that is what he said when he did the local hotel binge.....I'm so confused....is he NOT coming back? Is this my fault for having the couch guest? Am I creating a stressful environment for his fragile mental state and therefore an unhealthy environment? I told him this week, I wasn't doing this anymore every weekend is spent in the ER or hospital and I'm tired, I'm stressed. He says he loves me, never loved anyone like this, will never let me go...so why do I feel so used right now?
Please help what do I do...?
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 8
Originally Posted by MadInBoston
It was a good life and I want to remember that and not get caught up in the bad emotions of losing someone. I will always love him but if he cannot or will not fix himself there's nothing I can do.
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