Rosene

I'm new to Sober Recovery. Found it online looking for answers last evening. I am at a loss as to what to do about my 31 year old daughter who lives with my husband and I and is doing drugs. It used to be easy when she was younger. We do not tolerate drug use in our home, and if she was using, she had to leave. Now she has a son who is 8 years old and a dear. If we ask her to leave because she is using, she will take him as well (even though we ask her to leave him with us), so we would be putting him in danger. Our daughter is bipolar, borderline personality disorder, PTSD, ADHD and global learning disability (slow). She has tried to kill herself 7 times. When she takes her medication, and sees her counselor and psychiatrist, she can be a wonderful, compassionate and caring person. When she doesn't, she is quite the opposite. She recently stole nearly $ 2,000 from us, lied about it, then threatened to kill my husband and trash our house. She finally agreed to sign herself in to a psych unit, but they only kept her 4 days. She came home angry, and not wanting to obey our rules. Our other daughter and granddaughter live with us also, so her behavior is affecting them too. We are getting close to asking her to leave if she cannot abide by our rules, but she won't leave without her son. Any advise would be very welcomed. I have trouble thinking up boundaries to use with her.

TryingHarder

I really have no advice but I want to say I am so sorry for the situation you are in.

avocado

I'm sure there's some way you can get custody of the child or somehow make it so the state considers her a risk to the child. I understand that this might be a difficult thing to do to your own daughter, but under the circumstances it seems advisable.

Anna

I agree that trying to get legal custody of your grandson would be the best thing to do. Clearly your daughter has a troubled history, so it seems you would have support from her drs/counsellors.

Rosene

Thank you all for your words of encouragement and advice.

ABIDEBYLAW

This is how your scenario would play out in the county I presently live in:
Because of your daughter's documented maladies/illness'/sickness', etc., and her being unable to care for herself and or much more important, her child.
The loving/caring grandparents or other relatives of the abused child would file a motion in the county/domestic relations court. I am sure they have a full case already on file and the court would would grant immediate custody of the child to you/other family member(s) that have the "best interests of the child" in mind. .
This would put the child in custoday of a deserving guardian and would allow the ill mother to receive court forced intervention, counseling, therapy, drug/alcohol care that she so sorely needs.
You would help both the mother and the child by taking immediate action here.
Good luck and save them both if you can.

Rosene

Thanks for your advice. I have heard so many conflicting report of how that could play out in Lancaster County, that is scares me to try. I've heard horror stories of children being taken from the addicted mother, placed in foster care and the grandparents were not allowed to see their grandchild more than 1 time a month. I've heard of children being shunted from one foster home to another. I've had counselors and parole officers (yes, my daughter was in jail 4 times) tell me NOT to get children & youth involved. It sounds like your county does it the right way. I'm just not sure how it would play out here.

ABIDEBYLAW

Yeah I do not really trust the court system either. I see your point. Best of luck in all you do!

ReadyAtLast

Perhaps speak with a family lawyer for advice. Surely a court would not take a child from the family home,he currently lives with you anyway which should support your case for custody. Your daughter's history will also support your case plus her threats to take her child away from his stable home in order for her to use drugs

flutter

I would see a family attorney, but I would also get some questions answered by the courts. Often when a concern about guardianship arises, the concerned party will petition the court (Probate court usually) and the child will be assigned a Guardian Ad Litem (an impartial uninvolved legal person, usually a lawyer), who observes the situation and makes their own recommendation to the court about guardianship.

in PA, there's a special section of the courts that handles affairs of minors called the Orphans' Court, here's a link: Court of Common Pleas Orphans' Division @ The Philadelphia Courts - First Judicial District of Pennsylvania

ladybug77

Hello Rosene,

Reading your post, I recalled my own experience with my grandson. I would advise you as others have to seek counsel. It was difficult but I made the decision to seek guardianship of my the 2 yr old grandson. Once the family court heard the words, "both parents use drugs", it was pretty much over. I was granted full guardianship immediately and 6 yrs later he is a happy healthy child. I wish you the best and applaud your concern for your grandson, regardless of the outcome, knowing you tried to better his life and all who live in the house counts for a lot with your own conscience, which is exactly what your daughter is playing on. She is counting on your feelings for your grandson to allow her to continue her current lifestyle. Hugs to you and all affected by this situation.

Pondlady

I too would seek legal counsel and seek guardianship . Our neighbors have custody of their granddaughter, as their daughter is a drug addict. Sadly, she used throughout her pregnancy and their granddaughter has developmental delays