13 days. . .
Sober Date: March 10, 2013
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: New York
Posts: 270
13 days. . .
Today is 13 days alcohol free.
It's the longest stretch I have ever gone in 10 years, and it's the first time I've looked at my situation as a serious problem and am determined to quit.
It's hard for me to think of myself as an alcoholic. Even now typing it, it feels strange. Before I picked up drinking, I had developed a very clean life for myself... I was on a deep spiritual path, a vegetarian, celebate, I practiced yoga and meditation daily. I was in love with a musician who wrote about the Universe and we were going to change the world with our enlightenment and love...
Oh, how naive I was.
Unless you have a rich source of income keeping you feed and clothed, making it in music is very difficult. After 12 years at it, the stress of keeping us afloat with only my income was settling in, I no longer desired celebacy (a personal choice we made together that worked at the time untill it didn't) and I dreamed of what it would be like to be in a 'normal' relationship.. maybe even marry and have a child...
I began to drink. Working in a restaurant as a manager with free flowing food and wine made it very easy. Every night was a social event and there was always a reason to drink. And I found I was very good at it! "The hostess with the mostess" they called me. I relaxed, I opened up, I loved my customers and took every moment to sit with them and share a glass of wine with them while they visited. First it began only on Fridays and Saturdays... then also Sundays and Mondays... then my drinking trickled into me buying wine on my days off and drinking at home.
Fast forward a few years later.. there is no more restaurant, no more musician boyfriend, but a nicely developed habit of drinking and self medicating with red wine... my newest, oldest, dearest friend.
But my friend was turning on me... hangovers were getting longer, my emotional state was edgy without it, my health was starting to deteriorate.. my skin, my hair, pain in my organs, bloat on my face, anxiety. It got to a critical state.
Both my grandparents died of cirrhosis. I acknowledge genetics and where I have taken myself and I am scared for my Life.
I've been reading as a guest for a few days and find I relate to too many of your stories. I feel your pain, your joy... I find I am one of you.
I'm here to stay sober.
13 days. . .
It's the longest stretch I have ever gone in 10 years, and it's the first time I've looked at my situation as a serious problem and am determined to quit.
It's hard for me to think of myself as an alcoholic. Even now typing it, it feels strange. Before I picked up drinking, I had developed a very clean life for myself... I was on a deep spiritual path, a vegetarian, celebate, I practiced yoga and meditation daily. I was in love with a musician who wrote about the Universe and we were going to change the world with our enlightenment and love...
Oh, how naive I was.
Unless you have a rich source of income keeping you feed and clothed, making it in music is very difficult. After 12 years at it, the stress of keeping us afloat with only my income was settling in, I no longer desired celebacy (a personal choice we made together that worked at the time untill it didn't) and I dreamed of what it would be like to be in a 'normal' relationship.. maybe even marry and have a child...
I began to drink. Working in a restaurant as a manager with free flowing food and wine made it very easy. Every night was a social event and there was always a reason to drink. And I found I was very good at it! "The hostess with the mostess" they called me. I relaxed, I opened up, I loved my customers and took every moment to sit with them and share a glass of wine with them while they visited. First it began only on Fridays and Saturdays... then also Sundays and Mondays... then my drinking trickled into me buying wine on my days off and drinking at home.
Fast forward a few years later.. there is no more restaurant, no more musician boyfriend, but a nicely developed habit of drinking and self medicating with red wine... my newest, oldest, dearest friend.
But my friend was turning on me... hangovers were getting longer, my emotional state was edgy without it, my health was starting to deteriorate.. my skin, my hair, pain in my organs, bloat on my face, anxiety. It got to a critical state.
Both my grandparents died of cirrhosis. I acknowledge genetics and where I have taken myself and I am scared for my Life.
I've been reading as a guest for a few days and find I relate to too many of your stories. I feel your pain, your joy... I find I am one of you.
I'm here to stay sober.
13 days. . .
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Liverpool, England
Posts: 681
Phebe you could have just written my biography (apart from the restaurant bit, I'm an office worker).
But I can more than relate how it's escalated with the red wine and what it's done to my health and appearance, it's savaged me! Never too late to get it back mind
Stay close to the board, glad you found us here and massive congratulations on your 13 days.
But I can more than relate how it's escalated with the red wine and what it's done to my health and appearance, it's savaged me! Never too late to get it back mind
Stay close to the board, glad you found us here and massive congratulations on your 13 days.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
Welcome....this is a great site as you are able to read past posts as well as reach out for information/support as you need it. I, too, fell for the red wine friendship and it brought me to hell. Sobriety is challenging but it is so nice to live each day without guilt, shame, hangover, and overall feeling like I'm not doing what I want to be doing with my life. Glad you are here!
Sober Date: March 10, 2013
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: New York
Posts: 270
Originally Posted by soberclover 
I, too, fell for the red wine friendship and it brought me to hell. Sobriety is challenging but it is so nice to live each day without guilt, shame, hangover, and overall feeling like I'm not doing what I want to be doing with my life. Glad you are here!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: California
Posts: 8
Congrats on 13 days! That's awesome! I'm 17 days sober from painpills. I can relate to post a lot. I've had a 6 year love affair with pain meds and lost a lot. I also lived a pretty clean life. Great management job (office), great relationship, etc. After years of use, I too lost my physical beauty for a while. I gained 30lbs, face looked terrible with lots of acne from the toxins, I didn't care too much about my personal hygene, or appearance. It happened over time so, I didn't really notice it that much until one day when I looked at some old pics and realized I could NOT go on looking like that any longer. I started to make small changes and even while using, I was able to get some of my physical beauty back. i then quit my habbit 17 days ago and in this brief period, I lost 10lbs, my face cleared up, I take my time every day with my makeup, paiting my nails, etc. It makes me feel human again! My bf who stuck by me, is so proud of me and that fact alone gives me strength to keep going. Good luck to you! HUGS!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Eire
Posts: 211
Welcome Phebe. I too started gently with the wine. Progressed into 1 to 2 bottles a night, uck. Only difference, mine was white. 5 weeks tomorrow. Tonight (being a Friday) is a struggle, weather really bad in Ireland - floods. I'm at home so restless and craving. Craving that buzz/escape. I'm fighting that voice like hell tonight. Managed to do it for 5 weeks so cannot ruin all that hard work. Best wishes, I'm with ya
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Scotland
Posts: 379
Welcome phebe, it's great that you've taken the time to post and let it all out. I can relate a lot. I find it so weird that I'm an alcoholic too, because I'm also very clean in other ways (I'm vegan for one thing, and can't remember the last time I ate junk food or sweets). You obviously have a very good understanding of what's wrong with you, and that will help you a lot I think. 13 days is a wonderful achievement. It's the longest I've ever gone. (I'm on day 8 now, second and final time quitting I hope). Congratulations on making this brave and exciting choice.
Sober Date: March 10, 2013
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: New York
Posts: 270
Originally Posted by Tammy47
Welcome Phebe. I too started gently with the wine. Progressed into 1 to 2 bottles a night, uck. Only difference, mine was white. 5 weeks tomorrow. Tonight (being a Friday) is a struggle, weather really bad in Ireland - floods. I'm at home so restless and craving. Craving that buzz/escape. I'm fighting that voice like hell tonight. Managed to do it for 5 weeks so cannot ruin all that hard work. Best wishes, I'm with ya
How was last night?? Did you get to bed ok??
I'm with you too!!
Sober Date: March 10, 2013
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: New York
Posts: 270
Originally Posted by snowbunting
Welcome phebe, it's great that you've taken the time to post and let it all out. I can relate a lot. I find it so weird that I'm an alcoholic too, because I'm also very clean in other ways (I'm vegan for one thing, and can't remember the last time I ate junk food or sweets). You obviously have a very good understanding of what's wrong with you, and that will help you a lot I think. 13 days is a wonderful achievement. It's the longest I've ever gone. (I'm on day 8 now, second and final time quitting I hope). Congratulations on making this brave and exciting choice.
My understanding is deepening everyday... I'm so grateful.
Congrats on the 8 Days!!!!
I'm so proud of everyone <3
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Liverpool, England
Posts: 681
Phebe Snowbunting and Tammy I can relate to you both. My poison was red wine. I'd drink at least one bottle a night then I'd open a second - it'd be a rarity if I left a glass worth of wine in that bottle?!
Stay in touch my soul sisters and let me know how you guys are getting on! <3
Stay in touch my soul sisters and let me know how you guys are getting on! <3
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
i used to drink 8-10 large glasses of wine every night...about 14,000 calories of booze a week, empty alcohol sugar calories.
i had painful inflammation in my joints, a distended stomach and a red puffy face..that was just the beginning.
i hope that you are begiining to feel better both physically and mentally.
congrats on your 13 days! stick with us.
i had painful inflammation in my joints, a distended stomach and a red puffy face..that was just the beginning.
i hope that you are begiining to feel better both physically and mentally.
congrats on your 13 days! stick with us.
Sober Date: March 10, 2013
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: New York
Posts: 270
I am Fandy... a bit of the aches and pains, anxiety and insomnia are still lingering, but less and less intense, not as bad as before.
What was happening to my body had me so scared but I realize I can change all that by just saying No to the alcohol and living a happy clean Life again...
You all give me so much STRENGTH and HOPE ! <3
What was happening to my body had me so scared but I realize I can change all that by just saying No to the alcohol and living a happy clean Life again...
You all give me so much STRENGTH and HOPE ! <3
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