jenlane

I posted this last night in the wrong section...so here it goes again:

Hi...my husband is an alcoholic. He entered an outpatient program last fall after he cheated on me. We worked on our marriage and became pregnant again. He continued to drink in a "controlled" manner and smoke pot and I can honestly say he did a pretty good job. I was still always waiting. Well, a month ago his favourite band came to town and he got very drunk and stayed out past 3am. We fought about it and I eventually let it go because I figured it was a once off-even though my inner voice told me different. Last night he didn't come home. He thought our toddler and I were at my parents but we had come home early-we arrived -and his dad happend to pull up at the same time and come in the house with me to an empty house. A fw minutes later, he arrived, high as a kite. I am nine months pregnant and have a 19 month old. I don't know what to do. I have left for now and am at my parents. I haven't heard from him at all and I plan on not speaking with him for at least a few days as I have never done that before-even when I have left previously. I am so confused...I realize he is an addict and unfortunately I love the jackass but I feel like I can't do this anymore...especially with a second baby on the way. I am having a c section in 1 month and I am so scared to do it on my own. I hate him for putting me in this situation. Why did I fall in love with an addict??

allforcnm

Welcome to SR. You might also want to post in the friends and family – alcoholic forum. But here is ok too. I don’t think you fell in love with the addict. I think you probably fell in love with a good man who has an addiction. It is ok to care/love the man, and hate the addiction.

I can also relate to your situation a bit. My husband was in active addiction during my pregnancy, and was not there for the birth of our first child. He missed a lot because of his addiction, and so did I. It’s really great that you have your parents for support. I relied on my parents also. I moved in with them for a while before/after my son was born. I think you are doing the right think focusing on you and your kids right now. It sounds like your husband has received treatment in the past, sounds like he has some success with it. So he knows what to do, now he just has to decide to do it. My only suggestion in the immediate is to try to remain as stress free as possible before your delivery, and realize you don’t have to have all the answers today.

neferkamichael

I've heard it said, we can't help who we fall in love with. Regardless you have to look out for yourself first jenlane and the child inside you, plus the toddler. If its all good to stay with your parents, please do so. Jenlane, rootin for ya.

pianogirl1193

Wow i don't have much to say except I am so sorry for what you are going through. That sounds so tough, especially considering having a 19 m.o. and being very pregnant! It sucks that we love people who are unable to love us back sometimes. I don't really have any advice....can't tell you what to do. But I hope you look after yourself and your children. Think about what is in YOUR and THEIR best interests. Unfortunately, your AH has not hit "rock bottom" it seems.

I hope you do go a few days without talking to him at least. Don't give into the temptation!!! You have a right to be very upset.

Keep posting here. There are so many people with so much good advice. Do what you can to take care of yourself!!!

jenlane

Hi again,

It has now going on 3 nights of no contact. I am now feeling a bit crazy/anxiety ridden...why hasn't he called me? He texted yesterday morning and I did not answer. I was at our house today while he was at work and I could tell that he has not been drinking, so wtf! Why has he not called begging to be forgiven?? I need strength to continue this no contact...or should I talk with him? I don't know what to do...I don't know how to cope not knowing where his head is with our baby's due date quickly approaching! Help! What should I do???

Kindeyes

Awwww hon......I'm sorry that you are sad and anxious at a time that should be joyful. As hard as it may be right now, try to take the focus off of the King Baby (a term we often use referencing the behaviors of an addict) and try to focus on your own well being and the real baby. Wrap yourself in the love and support of your family and try to stay as calm as possible in the midst of what is happening around you.

I agree with allforcnm.......you don't need to have all of the answers today.

Try to get some rest......your body is busy and needs all of your energy. Time will reveal more.....all the worry in the world won't change things.......

You and your precious children will be in my prayers......as will your husband.

gentle hugs
ke

Flakiss

Hi
May i suggest you try Al-anon meetings
They are Great support..
Try to focus on yourself not on him
Dont worry about what is he doing or why hasnt he done that.
Dont give yourself a headache
He is no baby he's a Grown man.
Im really sorry youre going Thru this.

Hugs,

allforcnm

My first thought would be …. Since he sent you a text and you didn’t reply…. He is giving you space, and waiting for you to make the next move. If he is not drinking, then he may realize he screwed up. He may also know his words and promises are on thin ice with you. Maybe he is working on his actions....