jzeb2008

It's been a month since I asked my husband to leave. He's still mad about it and because upset about me packing all of his things and putting them on the front porch. He said that it would made him happier if I put it all back. He's so worried about what our family is thinking about his things being out there. He's NOT worried about what anyone thinks about his addiction or the fact that when he was still living at home he was never around. He wants me to come over to his mom's tomorrow to spend the day with him .He can't handle being at our house but I should just be okay with my 37 year old husband and father of 6 being unemployed and living in his mother's extra bedroom?

Ann

He is trying to make this all about him, but you don't have to join him in his opinions.

Do what feels right for "you". He is taking no responsibility for his family, for is addiction or for what his life has become. He doesn't get to give instructions to others.

Hope you can find your own peace in all this.

Hugs

AnvilheadII

and it will be your fault in his mind until you comply. each time you interact with him you get the same thing. do yourself a favor and save your sanity and stop having these senseless conversations.

it's time to quit acting surprised and begin to accept that this is what you get from him. I know it's tough be it's best for YOU to quit REACTING to what HE does or says, and to begin to ACT under your own power.

the relationship you thought you had is over. it no longer exists. you have a lot of kids to take care of. and you can do that best if you refuse to engage.

I truly don't mean to sound harsh - but you need to save your strength and energy to do what is best for you and the kids. if he isn't working and you aren't working how will you survive? THAT should be your primary concern. a plan, a good solid proactive PLAN. not worrying about he feels about what people think about his stuff on the porch.

Hanna

Oh honey, it's been a month and you are still letting what he thinks affect you.

He's not got his head on right today, but that doesn't mean you have to listen to what he says or continue to let it hurt so much.

You'll gain so much peace from accepting that he is going to continue to do and say things that aren't rational unless he gets help.

You have to find your own serenity and let go of expecting any more from him than what he's been showing you lately.

"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake."

Alcoholics Anonymous
Page 449 (first 3 editions)

zoso77

So, the title of your post is "It's been a month and it's STILL my fault!" This surprises you because...why, exactly??

One thing you will have to learn is to expect cognitive distortions on an epic scale from the addict. Don't try to make heads or tails of anything outrageous that may come out of your AH's mouth. He's doing what he does because he's an addict, and this is what addicts do: blame others, deflect, refuse to accept responsibility, etc. And there's nothing you can do about his behavior. But you do have a choice as to whether or not you'll tolerate it or indulge it. By booting his arse out, you've established a boundary. It's now up to you to enforce it. What others may think of him or your current status with him is but noise. Do what you believe is right for both you and your kids.

Best,
ZoSo