utopia

HI, sometimes I enjoy to drink some wine maybe with dinner, maybe not, my bf who is an acoa always emanates weird judgy energy when I do, and is like, yeah im fine whatever but is really looking at me with this look of disgust, then i usually end up saying "hey! im not your father!"

i know my bf doesnt go to alanon or anything and maybe isnt even aware of his own aura emanating blackness and rage when i just have wine with dinner lol, but what irks me is that im letting his issues get to me and i feel angry and pissed off that hes dumping on me. grr like pink elephant stampede!!

do the family and friends of alcoholics have to become sober too so as not to trigger the crazies on our loved ones? how can i let go of his reaction, i feel like it sets up a wall between us, and i get resentful because i dont want to have to change for him.

Reedling

I think this is the #1 relationship challenge of acoas in relationships with each other! The black rage aura can also be triggered by money, food, work, etc. My partner and I wouldn't be together if we didn't both work the program. He can't handle it when I criticize him without working a strong program, and I can't stand up for myself without working a strong program.

It's totally normal I think that his issues affect me and vice-versa, I don't think that is a sign of trouble. I would be more concerned if he was making me mad and I didn't have the strength to take him on about it, that for me is an acoa slip.

tromboneliness

I can only speak for myself, but drinking would be a deal-breaker for me.

Are you sure you don't have a booze issue yourself? Try giving it up for a few restaurant meals -- if it ruins the experience, maybe it's something you need to take a look at. If it doesn't, pocket the money you save and buy yourself something nice!

T

Kialua

Yeah I guess for me too, a drinking spouse is out of the question for me and my home life. Sorry it sounds like it is going to be a problem for him too.