Is he cheating, drinking, using or is he just trying to get rid of me?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: NJ
Posts: 48
Is he cheating, drinking, using or is he just trying to get rid of me?
"R"Heroin addict/"R"AHBF is only texting me long excuses about why he can't call me and why he cant come see me. It's very indicative of the way he was acting when he would be drinking he refused to call me because he knew I would ask if he was drinking or that I could be able to tell that he was drinking. He is in a sober living facility where he was a patient at the Salvation Army for 6 months in whic he also lives rent fre gets paid.... And now bizarrely is running groups for the people who are first entering the rehab??
Does this remotely even sound healthy?
Either way it's my birthday weekend and he was supposed to come up been sleeping since yesterday when you got off of work
This has been his excuse constantly about how he can't talk with me....yadda yadda...
Either way I haven't contacted him at all I haven't text message or called him back.... And I have not heard from him at all.
trying to get rid of m because he doesn't like to be accountable for th because he doesn't like to be accountable for the past and the things that have happened over t and the things that have happened over the past year.
He has been using me he doesn't need to rely on m he doesn't need to rely on me anymore....thoughts please....
I am trying very hard to keep my distance because ive started to realize the more i know about the disease of addiction and the more support im getting from them; the more it seems like he is becoming furious in any accountability and is becoming more and more distant and shady ....MIA, busy tired......etc..... And by the way these are all the same excuses he used when he was drinking
Does this remotely even sound healthy?
Either way it's my birthday weekend and he was supposed to come up been sleeping since yesterday when you got off of work
This has been his excuse constantly about how he can't talk with me....yadda yadda...
Either way I haven't contacted him at all I haven't text message or called him back.... And I have not heard from him at all.
trying to get rid of m because he doesn't like to be accountable for th because he doesn't like to be accountable for the past and the things that have happened over t and the things that have happened over the past year.
He has been using me he doesn't need to rely on m he doesn't need to rely on me anymore....thoughts please....
I am trying very hard to keep my distance because ive started to realize the more i know about the disease of addiction and the more support im getting from them; the more it seems like he is becoming furious in any accountability and is becoming more and more distant and shady ....MIA, busy tired......etc..... And by the way these are all the same excuses he used when he was drinking
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: United States
Posts: 118
Giiirl.
Classic reading for friends & family of substance abusers -
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Classic reading for friends & family of alcoholics (links to some great threads and comments that the other link does not) -
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Workingonme11, one of the reasons I was ready to address my own alcoholism and relationship addiction was because I was done with power struggles. I hope you stick around SoberRecovery, it has helped me already in a short time!
Classic reading for friends & family of substance abusers -
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Classic reading for friends & family of alcoholics (links to some great threads and comments that the other link does not) -
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Workingonme11, one of the reasons I was ready to address my own alcoholism and relationship addiction was because I was done with power struggles. I hope you stick around SoberRecovery, it has helped me already in a short time!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
I'm so sorry you're going through such a painful time. Expectations screw up more relationships than practically anything else. It sounds like the relationship is over, at least for him. I went through this hellish experience with Alanon, which was tremendous support.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
it sounds like someone who isn't interested in engaging with you in any way. WHY is irrelevant..it IS what it IS.
it's your birthday weekend, i bet there are lots of fun and wonderful things you could chose to do for yourself that have nothing to do with HIM and everything to do with YOU!!! best present you can give yourself is peace of mind and a world full of joy and happiness.
:day
it's your birthday weekend, i bet there are lots of fun and wonderful things you could chose to do for yourself that have nothing to do with HIM and everything to do with YOU!!! best present you can give yourself is peace of mind and a world full of joy and happiness.
:day
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,407
Happy Birthday! I don't know how to put those cool characters on my post like Anvilhead just did...so a simple Happy Birthday will have to do!
Even if this guy wasn't using, I would say the message is he's not a good relationship prospect. He's not making you a priority in any way, not even for your birthday. He's not available, is not reliable, makes excuses. The addiction will just make those character traits worse.
Think about giving yourself a gift for your birthday. The gift of serenity and happiness. You deserve it. Let this guy go, he is sending a clear message. Move on and find what true happiness is out there waiting for you.
Even if this guy wasn't using, I would say the message is he's not a good relationship prospect. He's not making you a priority in any way, not even for your birthday. He's not available, is not reliable, makes excuses. The addiction will just make those character traits worse.
Think about giving yourself a gift for your birthday. The gift of serenity and happiness. You deserve it. Let this guy go, he is sending a clear message. Move on and find what true happiness is out there waiting for you.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Sounds to me as if he either is not interested anymore, or he is completely focused on his recovery. Either way, as has been pointed out, he is not someone you can count on to be in your life at this time.
The SoberLiving situation doesn't sound unhealthy--for HIM. If you need more, I suggest you work on letting go of this particular relationship.
Hope you find something good to do for your birthday!
The SoberLiving situation doesn't sound unhealthy--for HIM. If you need more, I suggest you work on letting go of this particular relationship.
Hope you find something good to do for your birthday!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
:day2:day2:day2Dear Workingonme---I like your name! Also, Happy Birthday!
I agree with the other posters that he sounds like he can't be counted on to be what you want/need in your life, right now---and possibly ever. The hard fact is that the recovery period is usually shockingly difficult even for couples that are on more solid ground and have deep commitment going for them. More relationships don't make it than do.
I hear that you are hurt (understandably). Allow yourself to grieve and focus on the only thing you have control over, now---your own life. As they say in AA--Let Go and Let God.
We will be here for you!
sincerely, dandylion
I agree with the other posters that he sounds like he can't be counted on to be what you want/need in your life, right now---and possibly ever. The hard fact is that the recovery period is usually shockingly difficult even for couples that are on more solid ground and have deep commitment going for them. More relationships don't make it than do.
I hear that you are hurt (understandably). Allow yourself to grieve and focus on the only thing you have control over, now---your own life. As they say in AA--Let Go and Let God.
We will be here for you!
sincerely, dandylion
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