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Why are Alcoholics resistant to therepy?

Old 03-07-2013, 12:39 PM
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Why are Alcoholics resistant to therepy?

My Estranged AB refuses to go.
We live in the same house But I'm done.

One last attempt probably because I knew he would turn it down.

Says hes not paying anyone to finger point.

Are they afraid of being called out on their drinking from another person?

Such denial we have separate rooms my request, He wakes up every day now like nothing has gone down, its effecting his work going in at noon, keeping new bottles downstairs.

I'm why hes drinking, my horrible treatment of him.
Refuses to admit a problem, in front of a firing squad hed lie.
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Old 03-07-2013, 01:05 PM
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His Addictive Voice is stronger than his better nature right now. It won't let him volunteer for anything that threatens it. He's in the clutches of denial and blame-shifting -- his only hope is that things get bad enough that he has to find the fight within himself.

I'm just sorry you're in the middle of it! I know you have a lot of logistical reasons for living there, I just hope you are working on your exit strategy as soon as it's possible! In the meantime, I'm sending strength (and loads of patience) your way!
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Old 03-07-2013, 01:10 PM
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Addictions protect the perimeters. And it is much stronger than you.

Don't take it personally - you don't cause him to drink.

Try (I know this is hard) to have compassion for someone who is so blindly being led along by a substance. It does help to reframe the way we look at it.
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Old 03-07-2013, 03:37 PM
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An active A is not going to face their addiction. He has to be willing to surrender, and he is obviously not. They are going to attack whatever gets between them and their addiction. Right now that's you. When he blames you, remember the 3 C's. You didn't Cause it, can't Cure it, and can't Control it. I hope you get out of there soon.
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Old 03-07-2013, 07:18 PM
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my thoughts, based on many, many experiences is:

alcoholics don't want to go to therapy because they drink to AVOID anything and everything that they don't want to deal with.

Some cannot express their feelings and drink to loosen up.
Some don't want to feel their feelings and drink to suppress.
The list of reasons I could give here are endless, but all I do know is that after years of allowing my life to be destroyed by the needs, whims, etc. of sick, alcoholic people I finally give a damn about myself so much more than I could ever care about their sickness or issues and have sworn off any and all alcoholics forever.

If he is blaming his drinking on you, he has way, way more issues than drinking that go way, way farther back in his life than you coming along. The issue is HIM, the issue is HIS and his alone. No person causes another person to drink.

He obviously cannot deal with relationships, or stress, or intimacy, or some entire list of crap that has nothing to do with you yet he is putting your name on it.

Don't do this to yourself...this will go on forever.
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Old 03-07-2013, 10:17 PM
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Besides, what if it WORKED???
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Old 03-08-2013, 12:29 PM
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I hope that you are able to get out and find a place where you can live in peace. Living and being around an alcoholic is not good.

Oh my goodness, this has been such an eye opening discussion. Thank you Italiungirl for asking the question. My AD is here too and right now, I am the reason she drinks!
I cant even begin to express how helpful these discussions and forums are for me.
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Old 03-08-2013, 12:50 PM
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why are they resistant?

well they'd have to QUIT...forever. and for most addicts and alcoholics that thought is TERRIFYING. the voice in their head screams NOOOOOO! alcohol and drugs have become a necessary part to their very existence, the body is dependent, without it will go into withdrawals, - the brain is dependent as the booze and drugs have become their coping mechanism for life.

good day? drink. bad day? drink. flat tire? drink. promotion at work? drunk. think i have a cold coming on? drink. what time is it? drink. in the irrational mind of the addict you might as well say QUIT BREATHING.

YOU are not why he drinks. if you had the power that could CAUSE a person to drink alcoholically, then you could also render them clean and sober. it has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.
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Old 03-08-2013, 01:18 PM
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I thing it goes even further than that.

Why are there so many type 2 diabetics who don't watch their diets?

Why are there so many people who don't take their blood pressure pills?

Why are there so many people living unhealthy lifestyles?

and so on and so on.

I think it has to do with assuming responsibility for your own life and who really wants to do that.

Your friend,
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Old 03-08-2013, 01:40 PM
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Originally Posted by m1k3 View Post
I think it has to do with assuming responsibility for your own life and who really wants to do that.
LOL! It is so much easier being irresponsible and blaming everyone else for your lousy lot in life! Being responsible can be so BORING!
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Old 03-08-2013, 02:00 PM
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Originally Posted by Tuffgirl View Post
LOL! It is so much easier being irresponsible and blaming everyone else for your lousy lot in life! Being responsible can be so BORING!
I know you're jesting but it isn't though! I'm finding that taking responsibility is fun, gives you options, extra time and makes me effective.
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Old 03-08-2013, 05:04 PM
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i am dealing with this also...only thing is mine has been sober for 14 years...in AA, but thats it....he may talk the good talk but if you get right down to it...he is not HONEST and that is the whole AA and therapy thing...HONESTY....
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Old 03-09-2013, 07:10 AM
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Therapy is pointless while he is drinking and I understand many therapists refuse to see patients who aren't sober.
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Old 03-09-2013, 12:45 PM
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Originally Posted by m1k3 View Post
I think it has to do with assuming responsibility for your own life and who really wants to do that.
Especially when there's always someone else there to do everything for you.
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Old 03-09-2013, 03:34 PM
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Originally Posted by choublak View Post
Especially when there's always someone else there to do everything for you.
Yeah, this!
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Old 03-09-2013, 08:04 PM
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Some cannot express their feelings and drink to loosen up.
Some don't want to feel their feelings and drink to suppress.

For my RAH it was this... And it was all he knew. He grew up in an alcoholic family and was taught to not trust non drinkers. They were "religious freaks" according to his family (and still are, but me and my RAH are freaks now too lol). Seriously, they think we are nuts, but we think two grown men in their 50s having a drunken brawl in their front yard is nuts.
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