who has the problem????
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2
who has the problem????
Hi
My wife decided to join this forum and made a post about myself which is not accurate, accusing me of being an alcoholic her post missed out lots of information and was damming to me in fact it hurts very much and to be honest It makes me feel quite unwell.
To be honest yes I like a drink, I have not had a drink for a month and that's really not a problem to me at all, its quitter usual yes when I was younger I used to drink but not to problem level only a few times a week.
My wife is a controlling person and likes things her way, she does not like me to have a social life so I do not go out, she does not like me to drink so I hardly drink unless she gives me express persmission.
If I want to have a drink on occasion no more than once or even twice a month I have to hide this fact from her because her reaction would be explosive, so yes I have hidden the fact I have a drink, she drank a bottle of wine on Friday with her friend but that's ok, I used to like a drink in the daytime maybe a pint or maybe two, but I stopped because she did not like it.
She left me the day after my 40th, why? she did not put why did she, no she ignored me on my 40th, did nothing forgot to get me a card, and carried on like a normal day, I was upset maybe I was wrong to be upset I went out and had a drink, waited up for me so she could argue with me and she left me great, because I told I was sick of her controlling uncaring ways she says she does not want to be intimate with me because I drink, but the thing is I am never drunk, her friend saw me buying 1 can of beer form a shop as a treat and that was hell, she used to drink with me, we used to have sex when we had a had a drink, things changed and so have I and so has hse, I just want to make the point that because someone likes to have a drink on occasion and the other person does not like it it does not mean that person has a problem, I work a 38 hour week nights 12 hours shifts printing newspapers stressful and very very hard work, then in the week I look after our 3 kids, take them to school, pick them up , feed them, get their clothes ready in the morning, take them to their clubs, change nappies make them tea, while she works, I think I am ok and do not have a problem, she is the one with the problem....rant over, her forum post is erring me on the side of leaving her.
My wife decided to join this forum and made a post about myself which is not accurate, accusing me of being an alcoholic her post missed out lots of information and was damming to me in fact it hurts very much and to be honest It makes me feel quite unwell.
To be honest yes I like a drink, I have not had a drink for a month and that's really not a problem to me at all, its quitter usual yes when I was younger I used to drink but not to problem level only a few times a week.
My wife is a controlling person and likes things her way, she does not like me to have a social life so I do not go out, she does not like me to drink so I hardly drink unless she gives me express persmission.
If I want to have a drink on occasion no more than once or even twice a month I have to hide this fact from her because her reaction would be explosive, so yes I have hidden the fact I have a drink, she drank a bottle of wine on Friday with her friend but that's ok, I used to like a drink in the daytime maybe a pint or maybe two, but I stopped because she did not like it.
She left me the day after my 40th, why? she did not put why did she, no she ignored me on my 40th, did nothing forgot to get me a card, and carried on like a normal day, I was upset maybe I was wrong to be upset I went out and had a drink, waited up for me so she could argue with me and she left me great, because I told I was sick of her controlling uncaring ways she says she does not want to be intimate with me because I drink, but the thing is I am never drunk, her friend saw me buying 1 can of beer form a shop as a treat and that was hell, she used to drink with me, we used to have sex when we had a had a drink, things changed and so have I and so has hse, I just want to make the point that because someone likes to have a drink on occasion and the other person does not like it it does not mean that person has a problem, I work a 38 hour week nights 12 hours shifts printing newspapers stressful and very very hard work, then in the week I look after our 3 kids, take them to school, pick them up , feed them, get their clothes ready in the morning, take them to their clubs, change nappies make them tea, while she works, I think I am ok and do not have a problem, she is the one with the problem....rant over, her forum post is erring me on the side of leaving her.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
For the sake of privacy for your family, I think it would be a very good idea to not post back and forth to each other, as husband and wife, on this message board.
If you are seeking support for your problem with alcohol we are here to help.
If you are seeking support for your problem with alcohol we are here to help.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Just Me:
SR is not a place where we judge or "decide" whether one is an alcoholic or not. That decision can only be made by the person with the problem themselves. If your wife has decided that she is an alcoholic please know it's a very hard decision to make, and the best thing you can do is support her in her recovery. There is a forum here for family of those in recovery, you might find help there. I'd also echo others remarks that a public forum is probably not the best venue for you to be airing your personal/marital issues.
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
SR is not a place where we judge or "decide" whether one is an alcoholic or not. That decision can only be made by the person with the problem themselves. If your wife has decided that she is an alcoholic please know it's a very hard decision to make, and the best thing you can do is support her in her recovery. There is a forum here for family of those in recovery, you might find help there. I'd also echo others remarks that a public forum is probably not the best venue for you to be airing your personal/marital issues.
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Bklyn. NY
Posts: 1,859
A good way to determine whether or not alcohol is a problem in someone's life is by whether or not they can stop, if its causing a problem in their life. A person without an alcohol problem would simply not drink any more. A person who continues to drink, even though it is causing problems obviously is having an issue with it. My wife drinks from time to time. If I ever told her it was making me uncomfortable in any way, she wouldn't do it. It wouldn't be a big deal.
Nobody here can diagnose you and say whether or not you have a drinking problem, but its pretty clear you have a marriage problem. As already suggested, I too would recommend counseling. I've spent a good deal of time in couples counseling (w different women) and its helped me immensely.
Nobody here can diagnose you and say whether or not you have a drinking problem, but its pretty clear you have a marriage problem. As already suggested, I too would recommend counseling. I've spent a good deal of time in couples counseling (w different women) and its helped me immensely.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2
We have been to counselling we made promises I kept mine she did not, just wanted to vent no one here knows who she is I have not identified her thanks for the input, just wanted to say that because someone thinks there is a problem it does not mean there is
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,090
and just because someone thinks there isn't a problem doesn't mean there isn't one.
This is not the place to decide what is or isn't real for someone else.
Please follow Anna's suggestion. We are here for ourselves and to help and support other members with their journey.
Regards.
This is not the place to decide what is or isn't real for someone else.
Please follow Anna's suggestion. We are here for ourselves and to help and support other members with their journey.
Regards.
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