Redheadsusie

I won't and that is why I came here........... it would be pointless and make me weak in spirit. I want to tell him how pissed I am that I wasted 13 years on him and believed him 6 times we split that he would quit the heavy drinking and the weed. That the insults and the name calling and cussing and the hatred he spewed at me hurt me and my self esteem horribly. I financially supported this family and put my 2 kids through college - he has not helped his 3 at all and told me I damaged his kids and I should have helped them more. He never saw them - gave up on them but For that I have been called every name in the book. Not my job to put your kids through college when you or you X wont help them- I don't feel bad about that but it does not make me a B.

AH I will not grow old alone as you say - and I think a man will put up with my **** - I dont really have a lot - I am faithful- honest - funny- hardworking - a great Mom - great friend- great daughter and many other things. I can't cook- I admit it - I tried and you told me it sucked so I stopped. I am not perfect at all. I also am not a renter in my own house - I have bought and furnished this whole darling place - I clean it - I love it - I made it a home and everyone who comes here loves it. I will leave it but I won't walk away with nothing- I am not a renter as you and your family act like I am - I am on the deed and the mortgage - just because you and your parents put down $30,000 does not mean that $90,000 in payments I have made means nothing. As for me actiing old - lets think about this- you had a hip replacement at 46 - you had back surgery- you are always hurting and complaining. You can't walk at at an amusement park - you can't be playful and kidlike- I can and I do ! I am healthy - yes I went through menopause and I get hot sometimes but that is life. I still wear a size 8 and am 5'9 and still am fairly attractive- no thanks to you beating me down and telling me I am fat and making fun of me. So I don't like to have rough sex anymore- it hurts and when I tell you it hurts I should not be told to shut my mouth and I am being selfish. My purpose was not to be your porn star - like the ones you look at constantly on line- I am 48 - not 22 - I want to be with someone who will kiss me as I was not allowed to kiss you unless I finished the job. Makes me sick that I have lived without hugs or kisses or hand holding or snuggling- I know when I sit on your lap I hurt you - I weigh 140 - you weigh 240 - that must suck.

Anyway- AH - You will not beat me- I will survive this and us and be fine. I have my kids who adore me and my friends and my sisters. You were not there for me while my parents were dying- it was inconvenient I know and you were tired- well I don't think they chose to die of horrible diseases and it sucked to watch it and it sucked to clean them up when they soiled themselves but I did it with a smile - you should be ashamed for telling me to get over it and stop crying when I got sad. Your parents are here - you are blessed but they are old and God will take them sooner than later and maybe you will understand or maybe it will easier for you to just sit on the boat and drink while someone else deals with it. Anyway- you are a coward and bully and I feel sorry for you. Sue was happy before you - managed to keep her head up and still enjoy life when you were here and I will be happier. I feel blessed for this opportunity to move forward. You did me a favor- thank you!

dollydo

" I feel blessed for this opportunity to move forward. You did me a favor- thank you!"

And, that is the bottom line!

Recovering2

Amen Susie.....Amen.

Rosiepetal

Hi Susie, I hear you girl.
You know what? He could take away everything from you but he will never ever get your soul.
You're a fighter with a beautiful soul, you will get through this.
Hugs.

ReflectingOnMe

Gave me goosebumps reading it! Go Susie go!

redatlanta

Way to go - I can see him standing in your dust.

Maylie

Thank you sharing that. I could feel all your strength radiating off the screen when reading it. How inspiring

marie1960

Stand tall girlfriend!!!

I too can hear the conviction in your voice.

You can and will lift yourself up.

You will be in a better place soon.

As far as STBAH, ................. EFF HIM, you do not need anymore of his crap EVER...........

lizatola

Wow, loved your share, I can hear the growth in your words. I look at the title of your thread and said, "Me Too!" I had to laugh, though, because I'm sitting here fuming over toenails. Yesterday I vacuumed the whole house, he was home and heard me working, he sat down on the couch last night and clipped his toenails and left the clippings on the floor. EWWWW, gross, and I was pretty much ticked off because it took me an hour to vacuum the whole house.

OK, so not the same sentiment that your post was, but man I totally am with you in more than ways than one on this one, LOL!

Redheadsusie

Thamk you for support - The toenail post made me laugh- AH used to cut his fingernails on my granite countertop in the kitchen - swear to God in the KITCHEN! And leave them - it would make me want to put them down his throat when he was asleep with his snoring big fat mouth open.......OMG- See I am just foul! I talked to a girlfrend today about my anger and how I just wanted to tell AH off- and she said don't do it - I would get sucked back into the drama - the old Sue would maybe have done it - but I am being strong - totally done with him and I know I will work throught the anger and get to fogiveness one day! I am handing this anger over to HP ! I am tired of carrying the burden! And as for the toenails - you could put them in his bed to lay on but they might get on your side and that would be yucky!