deeker

- I have decided that I don't want control anymore .

I tried to control everything for my whole life and when I couldn't I drank over it .

It didn't get me very far .

That is the self centeredness of my illness .

Expecting everything to go my way .

I was a self centered little brat, I had to pick the restaurant, the movie, the amusement park, the beach, the bar, the car, etc .

I have really lightened up quite a bit .

It really does not take much to please me today, cuz I found that inner peace from having a relationship with my higher power .

Now that doesn't mean I don't have strong convictions because I do today and I stand up for what I believe in .

Do I lose control in other areas of my life today?


Well I don't know about that .

I definitely don't get angry anymore or at least it has been a long time .

I am a kinda of a go with the flow kinda gal . If it is a healthy atmosphere for my recovery wherever I am at I am pretty content .


But I do protect my serenity fiercely so I set boundaries and I stick by them .

I guess I have to control my surroundings if possible, I don't allow spiritual pollution into my life, meaning I control what I am exposed too .

For example , I am not gonna hang around a bunch of people talking about strip bars .

Or around people who are drinking/drugging .

Sometimes I have to control my joy .

I am bi polar and sometimes I get a little to happy lol and need to reel it in a bit .


I can get really giddy,

I know I can't control others anymore and when i finally accepted that, it felt like a huge weight fell off my shoulders .


Others just have to go through their own stuff and I am not responsible for their choices, only mine .

Yah You can pick the movie and restaurant tonight , I am just here for the ride!!

deeker

Boy you folks are on the ball!! ty