It literally snuck up on me...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 3
It literally snuck up on me...
There really was a time I never drank and, if I did, I didn't drink to complete inebriation. I didn't like beer, too much wine made me sick, hard liquor tastes awful. My late husband was a binge drinker. He was in AA for 25 years. When he was diagnosed with cancer he fell completely off the fence. He was always jealous that I could stop after one or two glasses of wine but he couldn't.
When he died, I fell apart. It didn't happen all at once. It happened over time. I would buy a bottle of wine and drink a few glasses just so I could sleep through the night. When that didn't work, I would drink the whole bottle. Then a bottle and a half, then two. I'd wake up sick, go back to sleep, try to get some work done and it would start all over again.
I realized that wine just wasn't very healthy (haha) so switched to light beer. I learned to love it. Therein lies the rub. It's delicious, thirst quenching and best of all, hardly any hangover.
I've realized for some time I have a problem. I'm married again to a wonderful man but he doesn't understand. He's in the position I was in years ago. He can control it; I can't anymore. I tell him it's not the 6th, 7th, 8th or the 9th beer. It's the first.
Last night I swore I would only have one. I had six. This replays itself over and over, not every night, but often enough that I have to fight the gnawing hunger I feel when I force myself to not reach into the fridge. I realize this is withdrawal. The hunger is awful, not for food, but for a beer.
Tonight I'm drinking cup after cup of green tea, reading and trying to keep my mind on anything but reaching for that first drink.
Thank you, all, for letting me tell my story.
When he died, I fell apart. It didn't happen all at once. It happened over time. I would buy a bottle of wine and drink a few glasses just so I could sleep through the night. When that didn't work, I would drink the whole bottle. Then a bottle and a half, then two. I'd wake up sick, go back to sleep, try to get some work done and it would start all over again.
I realized that wine just wasn't very healthy (haha) so switched to light beer. I learned to love it. Therein lies the rub. It's delicious, thirst quenching and best of all, hardly any hangover.
I've realized for some time I have a problem. I'm married again to a wonderful man but he doesn't understand. He's in the position I was in years ago. He can control it; I can't anymore. I tell him it's not the 6th, 7th, 8th or the 9th beer. It's the first.
Last night I swore I would only have one. I had six. This replays itself over and over, not every night, but often enough that I have to fight the gnawing hunger I feel when I force myself to not reach into the fridge. I realize this is withdrawal. The hunger is awful, not for food, but for a beer.
Tonight I'm drinking cup after cup of green tea, reading and trying to keep my mind on anything but reaching for that first drink.
Thank you, all, for letting me tell my story.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 626
Hang there!!! You will find lots of support and information here.
The best thing I've found is that you're definitely not alone. It sounds like you're in alot of pain but you can get thru this!! Just don't drink!!=)
Stay with us!!
The best thing I've found is that you're definitely not alone. It sounds like you're in alot of pain but you can get thru this!! Just don't drink!!=)
Stay with us!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 96
Yes it was crazy that at one time we could only have one or two. For me aswell I tried to get back to that so many times but I just couldn't do it. For more reasons than i care to recall I at last decided to end my use of alcohol completely. This is one of the best things I have ever done for myself. Not easy that's for sure. You can find positive information here at all hours of the day and it's information that comes from people just like you,me, or like the person that is looking here. We are all here for the same reasons. And that makes me feel like I'm amongst friends. Good luck and stay strong.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by kizzy40 
Well done! I'm a fellow green tea fan 
stick with it.
Were you offered any counselling following the passing of your husband? Even now it may help.
stick with it.Were you offered any counselling following the passing of your husband? Even now it may help.
I do have a tendency toward depression and anxiety so take Prozac in the morning and a low dose of Xanax at night. About three years or so ago I suddenly started worrying about things that have nothing to do with me personally - world events, disasters, starving children and animals. It's nuts! These things would keep me awake at night and trigger panic attacks. It's gotten much better.
Oh... and I've developed a mild case of agoraphobia. My husband teases me that if we didn't have our weekly food shopping excursions or nights out for dinner, I'd never leave the house (I work remotely).
Our life has been on hold for a while, but we're moving to a new state soon and I'm looking forward to that, getting out, making new friends, jumping into some new hobbies, staying sober.
Thank you all so much for the warm welcome.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Welcome! I'm very sorry for your loss.
That's the hook, isn't it! I also started drinking at night to help me sleep during a particularly difficult time. It worked very well for a few weeks and that was the hook. I think I was probably addicted within a month.
It's not surprising that your husband doesn't understand that it's not as simple as just stopping after two or three drinks. We can't do that. There is lots of support here, so keep reading and posting.
That's the hook, isn't it! I also started drinking at night to help me sleep during a particularly difficult time. It worked very well for a few weeks and that was the hook. I think I was probably addicted within a month.
It's not surprising that your husband doesn't understand that it's not as simple as just stopping after two or three drinks. We can't do that. There is lots of support here, so keep reading and posting.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Welcome SnuckUp. It's great to have you with us.
I had it sneak up on me, too. I didn't really have a reason for wanting to get numb. My life was very good and a bright future lay ahead. I started out reluctantly having a few now and then. Over the years I became totally dependent on it. I was almost housebound, too, in the end. Finding SR and being able to share my story helped me not feel alone. No one else in my life understood.
Congratulations on making the decision to stop. That's what I had to do, too - since all my attempts at moderating failed spectacularly. You can do it!
I had it sneak up on me, too. I didn't really have a reason for wanting to get numb. My life was very good and a bright future lay ahead. I started out reluctantly having a few now and then. Over the years I became totally dependent on it. I was almost housebound, too, in the end. Finding SR and being able to share my story helped me not feel alone. No one else in my life understood.
Congratulations on making the decision to stop. That's what I had to do, too - since all my attempts at moderating failed spectacularly. You can do it!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 275
I see, just thought the grief may manifest in odd ways, having your hubby go through something you couldn't control could have been a trigger?
I lost my father to cancer in 95 it was a huge contributory factor to my drinking, the irrational thoughts regarding disasters sound eerily similar too.
The positivity around the move sounds wonderful, but also stressful leaving old friends and such.
Having someone impartial to share your feelings with may negate the need for medication too.
Good luck snuckupon me, looks like you are excited for your new life
I lost my father to cancer in 95 it was a huge contributory factor to my drinking, the irrational thoughts regarding disasters sound eerily similar too.
The positivity around the move sounds wonderful, but also stressful leaving old friends and such.
Having someone impartial to share your feelings with may negate the need for medication too.
Good luck snuckupon me, looks like you are excited for your new life
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by kizzy40
I see, just thought the grief may manifest in odd ways, having your hubby go through something you couldn't control could have been a trigger?
I lost my father to cancer in 95 it was a huge contributory factor to my drinking, the irrational thoughts regarding disasters sound eerily similar too.
The positivity around the move sounds wonderful, but also stressful leaving old friends and such.
Having someone impartial to share your feelings with may negate the need for medication too.
Good luck snuckupon me, looks like you are excited for your new life
I lost my father to cancer in 95 it was a huge contributory factor to my drinking, the irrational thoughts regarding disasters sound eerily similar too.
The positivity around the move sounds wonderful, but also stressful leaving old friends and such.
Having someone impartial to share your feelings with may negate the need for medication too.
Good luck snuckupon me, looks like you are excited for your new life
It also helped to have a best friend close by to talk to... And drink with. I'll miss her when we move but it's one of my steps toward sobriety.
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