PinotNOmore

Sooooooo extremely frustrated with this alcohol crap!! Found out I was pregnant last January and went almost 12 months without a drop!! BEST YEAR of my life!! My husband and I were SOOO happy, I was happy, sleeping well, ect! Well. month after baby was born, I thought I could have one or two drinks... and all hell breaks loose. I'm 28 years old with a kid (4 MONTHS OLD FOR GODNESS SAKE) and KNOW I am so much happier without alcohol!! So why the F*** does it seem so scary to give it up even though I have 12 months of proof the it's the best possible thing in the world!?! Hubby and I have been fighting every weekend (I don't drink weekdays) and I'm at my wits-end... starting to think everyone would be better off with out me. I've tried quitting before and never succeeded. Im feeling very hopeless right now. ..

MythOfSisyphus

Welcome, Bamagirl! Almost everyone here has had their life torn apart by alcohol. As bad as things feel now, they can turn around quickly. Just realizing that you have to quit and that moderation won't work is a powerful thing. If you really want to quit, there are tools that can help. SR is one of them.

Don't give up! I drank like a fish for 25 years. When I realized that I had to stop or die I figured I'd need to get a prescription for some type of powerful drug to help me quit but I ultimately didn't need anything beyond AVRT.

Hang in there, you can make your life something to be proud of. Not just for yourself but for your family.:ghug3

betterinoc1234

Make a list of pros and cons. The five things you like the best about drinking and the five things you like or would like about being sober. Before you go for a drink read your list. Then decide. Be honest in the list.

I am only five days into this journey and far from experienced at quitting.

Bernie2823

Hi Bamagirl - good advice here for you. Just a quick thought that has nothing to with alcohol. Have you been checked out for Post Natal Depression? Obviously alcohol is a major consideration, but you mentioned that things started to go downhill about a month after you had your baby?

Good luck x

Windancer

Please keep posting here and welcome.
My heatfelt congrats on your baby What a blessing!
Lasting sobriety CAN be achieved. Maybe now you need a plan to stay sober other than being pregnant??? Maybe try and see this is a way to learn and grow and stay healthy for yourself and your family.

soberclover

When I was pregnant way back when during my first round of recovery, it was easier to stay clean and sober because I was pregnant. It was a no-brainer for me to not use then. It is more difficult now that I'm on "another round" of recovery as don't have the incentive of being pregnant...but I do have a wonderful son as incentive. I have found that working with a counselor is REALLY helpful to me. It is also hard to be a mom AND addressing your alcohol issues. You are in the right place here for support! Just do the next right thing!

Received

Hi Bamagirl. I'm glad you found SR.

My biggest motivator to stop drinking was my children. The fear that I would put them in danger by drinking kept me from not drinking for a long, long, time.

Going to your doctor to see if post postpartum might be playing a part in this is something I would check into. Like soberclover posted, not drinking during pregnancy was a no-brainer.

My questions to you would be; What was your drinking pattern the few years prior and up to knowing you were pregnant? During those years did your drinking increase, did you "binge drink", have you put yourself and/or others into awkward, embarrassing or potentially dangerous situations? Did you drunk drive?

The above are just questions you might ask yourself. And certainly they are only base questions not even touching upon your husband and you fighting, etc.

I'm sure you know how dangerous it could be handling a such a wee baby while under the influence.

There is a lot of great members here with a lot of experience. Please stick around and continue to reach out.

hamabi

You didn't expect this or see it coming. Imo, it means nothing more than you've not yet found a sufficient solution.

Wouldn't it be great if alcoholics could become upset about their drinking and stay stopped for good with nothing more than another ironclad decision?

If you find yourself making yet another, stop and think what you can expect out of doing so again.

vegibean

Bama, thinking everyone would be better off without you is wrong. That new little one of yours needs you, and believe me, does not want to grow up without her/his Mama. We are all here, we've all experienced our own road blocks with quitting. We're here to help!!

Welcome to SR, you will find tons of support here, and you CAN DO THIS!!! Many people on this site are proof of that. Keep coming back, and keep posting. :ghug3

freshstart57

Here's the thing - we can stay stopped for good with an ironclad decision - in fact, that is an essential ingredient in everyone's sobriety when you think about it. Nobody will stay sober without it

I would suggest instead, 'when, not if, you find yourself making another ironclad decision, stop and visualize what needs to happen'.

I wonder if you understand all the benefits that alcohol brings. (psssst - for people like you and me, there aren't any anymore). Instead of twisting your hankie, what if I can't, what am I going to do without it, how can I do xyz without alcohol, blah blah blah, understand that these thoughts are not rational, they are nothing more than fears of change.

I learned to understand that those ideas of drinking ever again are the fears of my addiction, and these fears were holding me back and keeping me imprisoned. I learned that I could stop doing something that was going to destroy me. I learned that I was smarter and stronger than my urge for a buzz and oblivion.

I now have those things that alcohol was keeping from me. I have a healthy body and a healthy mind, I have a lot more cash, I have the respect of my family and of myself, and I have my own measure of peace and happiness that my past addiction will never take from me again.

You can do this too, Bamagirl. I know you can quit and stay quit. Best to you.

ReadyAtLast

bama,i understand as have been there. it could be pnd,it could just be tiredness with a baby.in any event drinking when you're in charge of a young baby and having sleepless nights is going to make you feel physically and mentally worse. this is a great site for helping you quit and there is other help out there. it will only get worse and worse

hamabi

We differ in how we understand alcoholism, no surprise there. Most days about 30 show up here after making yet another in a long string of worthless but sincere ironclad decisions. You're free to disagree with me on that.

Irrevocable ironclad decisions are an observable pattern with those who don't stay sober for long, rather than those who do. We also disagree on this.

Received

I love the part I put in bold, freshstart. It is indeed an "ingredient". It's, to me, the most essential component of my putting down alcohol for good. With that in place I now build on that by getting my doctor on board, a therapist, SR, etc.

For me, it is the main ingredient but not the only ingredient.

Soberween

Bama.... having a new baby is one of the most exhausting things I have ever experienced. When you add alcohol to the mix it just increases the anxiety ten fold meanwhile the anxiety it causes makes you want to drink more. It's a terrible Catch 22. Since you abstained for 12 months, you really have the power and can turn this around rather quickly if you can just wrap your head around the concept that alcohol is not an option for now (just like when you were pregnant). I really didn't even drink that much when my daughters were little, but when I did the next day was almost unbearable..... extreme lethargy and wanting to nap so bad and I couldn't.

wpainterw

Barnagirl: You wrote, " I've tried quitting before and never succeeded." How come you say this when you also say you went for about a year without drinking and were very happy? You can do this again. Taking care of a new child is stressful and parents sometimes have some depression. Why not go to your doctor and ask help with this stressful period, quit drinking and be happy again. Your husband and your kid would definitely not be happier without you. You matter to them. Why not admit now that you matter to yourself. You can do this. You've done it before. It's not easy at first but it gets better and better. Good luck.

W.

kizzy40

Hi bamagirl, I would go see your GP it may be the booze but it could also be severe post natal depression made worse by excessive drinking?
Please get checked out

LexieCat

An ironclad decision is a good start--commitment is a necessary ingredient to any effort as daunting as achieving sobriety. I spent a long time just kinda waiting for a day I'd get up and not feel like drinking anymore. One day I had REALLY had enough, though, and even though it was hard to imagine life-long sobriety I was determined to get there.

For a quick, massive infusion of hope it is hard to beat an AA meeting. I remember when I went to my first (the first for ME--I had been to meetings in support of other people), the best thing I heard is "You never have to feel this way again."

That was four and a half years ago, and I never HAVE felt that way again. I have gradually learned how to live a happy life sober, and alcohol doesn't appeal to me any more. I don't miss it, don't feel deprived or sad that I can't drink, I just live.

Ohio1

I think hamabi is right on this- it doesn't seem like making ironclad decisions (proclamations?) is a great sign. I think most of us have done it at some point but it seems to be a tremendous underestimation of what we are facing.

Paddler

I have been in your shoes. Well, as a husband anyway... but a husband that has spent lengthy time periods alone with the kids. Lots of overnight hours as well. I used to think (while in the moment) alcohol would make being a parent easier. Sure, I love my kids more than anything in this world and I feel for the most part I have been a great dad.

That said I would be foolish to deny I put them in danger, wasn't there as much as I could be, or was anything other than a selfish ass because of my drinking.

It's easier for me to see now in the clarity of sobriety. Alcohol markets itself to be such a wonder drug. It will make you sexier, happier, and will help you get through any difficult situation. This is why it has so much power. It takes lengthy sobriety, in my opinion, to see this is all false and it's true power lies in its ability to break down and destroy everything you love dearly.

I think it's a true blessing you made it 12 months without booze and have had the luxury and clarity to realize how much better your life was without it.

Being a parent is hard. Sometimes it sucks... it isn't always fun. It's exhausting and lots of times a parent doesn't want to be a parent. That's natural.

My goal for myself and the sake of my two (almost three) small kids and my little family on this earth is to stay sober. Hopefully I'll learn when things get tough to find other ways to deal with it and reach out for help.

Saying to my wife, friend, parent, doctor, on and on... "this is really hard and I could really, really use some help" sure beats the bottle.

And waking up all hours of the night REALLY sucks with a hangover or sorta drunk. Lack of sleep + drinking + all the stress that comes along with parenting + the strain already there between you and your spouse + depression + confusion as you embark on parenting = a miserable time. You can't eliminate all the negative realities but you can eliminate drinking...

and, enjoy the good times. They go fast and you can't get them back and YOU WILL get through this. Best of luck.

PinotNOmore

Thank you everyone for all your kind words and support. I really appreciate it! I have thought about seeing my Dr. in case of postpartum, but I am so very happy when I am not drinking that I just don't think that's the issue here. I had an extremely hard time the first three months, and I very well may have been depressed then, but the last month, I have felt like I was getting the hang of this parenting thing and was enjoying my role as a mom. I know I can quit drinking. I have done it every Sunday for the past two months... I go Sunday-Friday with out giving it a second thought, and then the weekend hits! It's like my kryptonite!! I wish I could just remember how good the week was without alcohol when 5pm Friday hits. I'm thankful I am figuring this out now. My worst fear is having my baby seeing his parents fighting over something so ridiculous! I will not be drinking tonight. Even though its still the weekend. Then I will not drink the next. or the next. I owe it to my husband, my baby, and myself. Thanks again everyone!