Chloe1981

AH called me crying and said he is going to kill himself if I don't let him home.
What should I do?
I don't want him here . But I don't want to be responsible for his death.

Hollyanne

Call 911.
If he is serious, he needs help, if he is manipulating you and being a jerk (most likely), he won't be in a hurry to try that again.
Really, I am serious.
If he is suicidal, you are the last person to be able to manage it.

change96

Chloe you would be responsible for his death as much as you are responsible for him being an alcoholic. In other words you are not responsible for his choices that he makes. But if you are scared that he might follow through then call 911 and have them do a "wellness" check. chances are he will end up in the hospital for 3 days and atleast sober up a bit.

zoso77

Call 911. NOW!!!

Chloe1981

I just don't know where he even is right now. I think I know the area but he is just driving around...

AtATotalLoss

Call 911 like 10 minutes ago. If he was seriously going to do it he wouldn't have told you his intentions.

zoso77

Chloe, just call 911. Give them what you know.

He's holding you hostage. Don't let him.

Chloe1981

Ok I called the police of the city I think he is in and gave them the last known location of him, the license plate number....

Ann

Chloe, my son often threatened suicide, especially when he wanted to manipulate me or make me feel guilty for not enabling him. I know how scary it is, but it is usually manipulation at its cruelest.

If you know the license number, call the police and give them that. Perhaps have someone come stay with you in case he shows up there in this unbalanced state of mind.

We can't control their insanity. Please find some peace for yourself.

Hugs

change96

AH is lucky to have you in his life Chloe. Never forget that!

bluebelle

I'm glad you called. It is the best thing to do.

Kindeyes

Ditto.

You've done what you can. You've alerted the people who are trained to deal with this kind of thing.

As far as being responsible for his death should he choose that option......you don't own his choices. And the clue that manipulation may be at play here is.....

You've called the police. Now.....take care of you.

gentle hugs
ke

Ilovemysonjj

Triple ditto... My son was missing and posted to me on facebook that he wanted to commit suicide. pure manipulation;
But good that you called 911.
Hang in there!

shockozulu

You did the right thing. When using an addict can get so despondent they are suicidal. If that is the case, the only one that can help him is a professional. If he's manipulating, you don't need that

Kindeyes

Chloe
My XAH also used to threaten suicide. He told me that if I ever left him, he would kill himself. I allowed him to hold me hostage with that technique for five miserable years. I finally got sick and tired of being sick and tired....I divorced him.

That was 30 years ago.

He's still alive.

gentle hugs
ke

outtolunch

Sounds like he's taken the gloves off and will say anything to continue to protect and sustain his addiction. Pulling the suicide card is the ultimate in manipulation.

You reacted in a responsible manner and alerted the Police. What follows is up to him. You are not responsible for him or his choices. And just when we think someone has hit rock bottom, they just keep on digging.

Protect yourself and children.

ccharlotte

Hi Chloe,

I literally went through the same exact situation with my husband two days ago, with him threatening to kill himself if I called his probation officer - as he drove around high on pills. I don't know how long you've been dealing with this; because this wasn't this first time my husband has threatened to harm himself. I did call his probation officer and knew he would end up going to jail, being mad at me, possibly wanting a divorce. What made me able to take the step to get him help this time vs. the many times before were two things; first I knew deep down in my heart that if I did not get him help that very moment, he would kill someone else as he drove, or I would find his body in a hotel room later that night, and two; I am in a different place now than I was those many times before. The best support and where I gained the most strength for dealing with my husband’s addiction was his rehab. He was in rehab 5 months ago and I did some therapy there as well. Talking to people whom I knew understood addicts, I trusted and believed what they told me. You are not responsible for your husband’s actions, and by you calling 911 you are showing that you do care about him, no matter what he may say. I'm typing this as my husband sits in jail and I have not spoken to him in a day. I have been told that he feels like I "set him up,' which is correct, but I did it because I love him and would rather have him mad at me, then have him dead. Take care of yourself and realize that you are dealing with someone who is very sick.
Best wishes

Chloe1981

Okay, so I stayed strong. I called the police. Then I turned my phone off and went to bed. He ended up at his parent's house last night.
I am officially doing the "no contact" thing. No phone calls, texts. etc.

lizwig

Hi Chloe, I can relate to this. My son called me from jail once and said he was going to kill himself because I wouldn't bail him out. I called the main jail number and informed them of his statements. They apparently (I try to keep in mind there is drama on his side of the story) stripped him down and made him sleep naked in a rubber room for the night. But....guess what...he has never made that threat to me again. You did the right thing. Stay strong and keep working on YOU. Sending strength your way....

zoso77

Good job.

It's worth remembering that when an addict pulls something like this, it is one of the most sadisitic forms of manipulation there is. Unfortunately, it's also something you have to take seriously. Never allow anyone to hold you hostage.