Songtx

I'm hardly a new comer, as I have been at this for well over a year now. I actually made it a whole 3 months and then thought I could start again, so I did..and it got bad again in only 2 weeks, so I stopped again for 2 months this time. Then on Christmas I just got so irritable and stressed out over nothing. I think it was just anxiety over not being able to drink. So I decided it was ok again. I proceded to get drunk that night and then didn't really drink again (other than about 1 beer or so nightly) until New Years, when I got really drunk to black out stage. I still kept telling myself it wasn't a big deal. Yesterday afternoon, I found myself extremely irritable and wanting a beer as early as 2PM. i started fighting with my husband/drinking buddy, and continued to fight all day. I finally had a beer and calmed down. We went out to dinner, but did a fair amount of drinking before even eating. We came home and continued to drink into the night. He even grabbed a bottle of vodka we had in the fridge and never touch. The night ended with fighting and my blacking out. I don't remember what we were fighting about even. I woke up on the couch. I just want this to stop!!!

Sapling

Have you tried anything besides this site in the last year to keep you stopped....I needed a structured program with F2F support to get out of the hole I was in.

Xune

What changes will you make that will ensure you do stop?

If you employ the same strategies as before, why would you expect a difference result?

raja12

Sorry that happened. I'm new here,but not 2 trying 2 stay sober. For me its usually the people I live with that get me irritated and wanting to drink. I've tried and failed,then tried and was going great for awhile too. For me its just the first onec,then it snowballs from there. Just keep on trying. You accomplished all those months before,so you can do it again. I've felt exactly the same way as you do,but I'm gonna keep on with this until it clicks. Cheer up,you can do this.

Ghostlight

Well, you have to want to make it stop more than you want it to continue.
I can't imagine living with a spouse who is still actively drinking a lot and quiting. But that's just me.

I had to go to any lemgths to get sober. That meant changing my life. I failed so many times to quit that I wanted sobriety more than I wanted to remain a drunk. It was hard, but so worth it..

I don't have the magic answer for you, but programs of recovery work for many. You can also come here as often as you like and post what's on your mind.

I wish you the best.

vegibean

The drinking on top of the fighting has got to be the worse. You two don't need to be fighting, especially drinking, it could get really bad and really ugly and someone can end up in jail, and then you'll have that on your background for the rest of your life.

I really wish you the best, but I also know that when you are really ready to stop, you'll find anyway you can to make it happen.

Good luck.

Pondlady

Would your husband consider stopping too? I asked mine if he would stop with me, till I got over the hump. It really helped me, as we planned things together for the time we usually drank....daily walks being the big thing. I did a lot of walking in my early sobriety When I asked my husband to stop, I acknowledged it was MY problem, but I would use his drinking a beer as an excuse to open a bottle of wine.

Interesting things is....he hasn't resumed his drinking in almost 7 months, and we're still enjoying our walking program......losing weight and saving $ at the same time!

least

To make it stop you have to want to be sober MORE than you want to drink.

Jeni26

Your life sounds just like mine a year ago. Me and my H didn't do much fighting but we did drink to blackout level regularly and it was common for one of us to sleep downstairs not because we had fallen out but because we literally couldn't make the stairs and the other was too drunk to care or even notice.
It's no life.
I think it is hard to give up when your partner continues to drink at that level but not impossible. Nothing is impossible.
Have you ever talked to him about quitting together?
My H was less than impressed when I suggested it, and in fact was utterly opposed to it at first. I did it on my own for a while. Well not on my own, I was logged onto SR permanently and went to AA meetings for support.
He did eventually join me once he saw how committed I was to it and he began to question his own drinking.
Next week we will be 8 months sober together. After 21 years of drinking together I did not believe that was possible.

I think if you really want this to stop you will do it. Take whatever path helps, there is plenty of information on this site. Get support. Talk to your partner.

Best wishes to you x

totfit

You don't fail unless you quit trying. For some it is a process for better or worse.

Sasha4

For me that irritable feeling, the arguments is that little voice telling me I need to create an uncomfortable situation that justifies having a drink.

Its probably easier than magicking up a reason to celebrate so that I can have a drink.

I think some of they key is to recognise these thoughts and responding back to them with something that is not drinking.

If you are feeling irritable, get out of the house, get some air, go for a walk.
Whatever you are arguing about with your husband, ask yourself is it a real reason to row, or just a reason you are inventing and making bigger than it is so you can have a drink?

wpainterw

Songtx: I think your chances of quitting will be far better if you have the support of a group of recovering persons. And this is particularly so if your husband joins in with you. It looks like you and he just trying to do it alone isn't working. Maybe AA or some other group. Ask a counselor for help finding one. Good luck.

Anna

It sounds to me like you're stopping drinking while telling yourself that it might be okay to drink again at some point. That doesn't work. I had to fully accept and believe that drinking was no longer an option. Then I began to find healthy ways to make myself feel better and to manage my life. If you leave the door open to drinking, it will be very hard to succeed.

lovingliving

I like to think that this is true too... as long as you are still trying.. you havent yet failed

soberclover

I know that I can't drink anymore. I became too afraid of what would happen if I continued. It took me time to realize this. I hope you find this same knowing.

Dee74

I'm sorry your still struggling songtx.

I agree with Anna - I think you need to decide to quit permanently - no exceptions no excuses.

I also think you need to decide just what you're prepared to do for your recovery - there's a lot of support around to help you stay quit....are you doing anything besides posting here?

D

Songtx

Thanks everyone for all the great input and advice. No, I have not gone to any meetings and have done pretty well on my own. I do think the hardest part is that my husband still drinks. He definitely cut down significantly when I stopped, but there were still "binge" nights. Embarrassing nights when I had to practically carry him home. He thinks that there is nothing wrong with drinking to this extent on occasion, and there is nothing that I can do to change his mind. There is no way he will stop, he does not see a problem. Even when it is so obvious what a problem it has become for me (blacking out, pain the next day, staying in bed the next day, being useless) he simply will not admit it. You see, he has to maintain this denial so that he will never have to admit that he has a problem. I don;t know what it is going to take for him to stop. I am seeing him become more and more unhealthy, his "beer gut" is getting bigger and bigger, and he does nothing. It's like he can't even admit that is happening due to drinking. Nothing is drinking's fault.
The biggest shocker for me in all this is just how quickly the drinking ramps back up to where you left off once you start again. It has only been a few weeks and I am already experiencing all of the health issues that I was before. I already can't wait til I can have my first drink of the evening. The difference is that now I am just saying to myself "hey, I'm gonna just get drunk tonight". I am going into it not telling myself I will control my drinking, but that I won't, and then justifying it because I am not doing it every night. Then I tell myself I am doing ok because on most nights, I only have one beer, and I have only binged 4 or so times since starting back up on Christmas. The justifying is crazy.
I appreciate everyone's help on this board. I will probably have to get into AA or some other support network. In regards to staying with an active drinker with absolutely no desire to change, I'm not sure, that's the hardest part...

Xune

My alcohol dependency was destroying my life and was in the slow process of killing me.

That being said, I will be blunt.

Going by your first post, I am here to tell you that no, you are not at all doing well on your own. You're still lost, still drinking and still apparently baffled as to how to permanently abstain from alcohol for the rest of your life.

Is not the hardest part the fact that you have not yet found a way to stop drinking alcohol?


I understand that your husband has a drinking problem. So do you. What are you doing about your addiction to alcohol?

You do realize that just a paragraph before, you tried to convince us ( yourself) that you're doing well on your own.

You are not doing well on your own, you are still drinking and have detrimental health issues as a result.

I suggest you make an appointment with your Doctor, tell her everything honestly and then try to understand what it means to accept that alcohol is no longer an option for you.

I wish you well in the choices you make.