Midlifecrisis

Or do you hate it?

I have heard some people say how much they hate alcohol/meth/heroin/etc because of what it stole from them. I feel like I should hate them. Irl friends are shocked when I say I still love drugs despite what they did to me. I hate the addiction and the lack of moderation.

Can you grow hate them?

Midlifecrisis

This may not be in the right section sorry. Wasn't sure where else to put it.

Dee74

I don't know about anyone else but it took me about 3 months to really appreciate how much my drinking coloured my perception - even after I quit.

For most of those 3 initial months I really missed my old life and my old friends, I missed my escape...but I also knew that it was not a sustainable way for me to live....in fact it was destroying me...so I stayed stopped.

Eventually I realised I was changing....I no longer missed it....I was losing the dark clouds I used to wrap around me....I actually preferred being clean and sober.

Now...I don't hate my DOC...it's just a liquid that I abused, not the other way around.

I hate what addiction does to people, but just feel nothing about alcohol really - it's from another life....

D

EternalQ

Ditto of Dee.
Alcohol is a beverage that doesn't agree with me.

BlueEyedBoy

I don't hate alcohol, I just hate addiction....but I love the redemption that we can get, if we want it and try hard enough

Fandy

I think i will always have a love/hate relationship with alcohol.
Although my tastebuds have definitely changed, the smell of certain wines i used to like now makes me nauseated.

BlueEyedBoy

Even the faintest whiff of vodka makes me wretch lol. And I can't even pass gin in the supermarket without my stomach turning

ScottFromWI

I still love the taste of beer, which is why I can't drink it anymore! Sucks too because I know some local brewers who craft fine microbrews that are art in themselves. My problem is I don't stop with one or two of those, I break out a 12 pack of something cheaper when I get home. Or at least I used to...clock just struck the beginning of day 4 so I should get sleep. Night all and best wishes for a sober day tomorrow!

Natom

I LOVE my drug of choice. If I could use recreationally I would. But my drug of choice doesn't love me and I know I can't use recreationally. There's some wasted years in my life but that was the addiction rather than the drug. The drugs are just a symptom of my addiction.

Natom.

Jeni26

I am ambivalent now about alcohol. I neither love it nor hate it. I can have it in my house now without the thought of drinking it terrifying me.
I don't like to be around drunk people though, that still scares me. I think it's because they are what I used to be.
I have now created a safe place in my life and try to surround myself with healthy people.

lilgolden73

Nah, I don't love Alcohol, I am indifferent to it at this point, took me awhile to get there though....I feel like a part of me has died, because my old life is gone. That is good and bad for me.

ReadyAtLast

I think as time goes on and we forget what it did to us it's easy to romanticise (sp) the doc and think of it fondly. I try not to think about it and am also ambivalent very about it. If you are thinking about it and how much you love it,it seems very dangerous ground. try and think about why you wanted and decided to stop in the first place.

least

No, I hate alcohol - the smell, the memories, the damage it did. No way I"d ever drink again, I hate the stuff now.

mecanix

I don't blame the DOC for what it took from me , i was present for most of it and happily let it happen , the blame lays squarely with the old sad , mad and addicted me .

I had to forgive and move on . Hopefully i'm a more enlightend person these days .

Bestwishes, M

Quinne

I neither love nor hate alcohol. My sponsor described a mourning period she went through-I've not had that same experience in sobriety. I was-and am-done. It's the one thing about my mindset that hasn't changed & fortunately, there's room for many, many other changes

Xx

Threshold

I don't hate or love my DOC. It wasn't the problem, my abuse of it was the problem, the way I applied it to hide from my life was the issue.

The drugs I abused ALL have valid and positive uses as well the fact that I took them to the bad place doesn't mean there is something bad about them.

Midlifecrisis

Thanks guys. Oh yeah, I don't blame drugs for my problems. I mean it was a choice right? I hate the fact that I'm no good at moderation.

renaldo

When I was a young adult, my recollection was that people were getting more wasted than me and falling behind in their studies, whereas I was partying right alongside them and maintaining my good grades.

They didn't have video cell phones back then, so if I were to see how I actually looked, I may have looked just as dazed and confused as them.

I did excel for decades to come, but I continued to smoke pot and drink beer every day, and now I'm looking at going into rehab - for beer! Damn! (I gave up the pot not problem).

Well, I'm not just looking into rehab, I'm forestalling it. I've spent God knows how many hours calling places and taking notes. I think I've narrowed it down to one place, but there are a lot of hoops to jump through to make it affordable.

I need to (and am continuing to) sift through a mountain of unattended-to paperwork in order to make sure I pay all my regular bills and any potential bills that might come while I've voluntarily agreed to lock myself up. Damn again!

This is not to say that I've been out making trouble in the past couple of years. My job of 22 years went out of business and most recently I was working a temporary job, and then got a really nasty cold that laid me up. But overall, in recent months - aside from the occasional temp job - I've been having a good time and minding my own business, just not attending to business, so to speak.

I certainly did enough of re-schooling after the company I worked for went out of business, and then - afterwards - enough applying for jobs to blind an oxe.

I guess my addictive voice is prone to saying - like the McDonald's commercial for those who are old enough to remember it... "you deserve a break today, so get up and get a way (to McDonald's)."

My therapist said, "just be careful of that addictive voice that says you're OK now."

He learned the term "addictive voice" from me. I'm the one who told him about it.

I'm afraid that after getting out of rehab, the addictive voice will eventually say what it repeatedly does and gradually work me into an unproductive state once again. And all the while I'll be enjoying it, as unattended-to paperwork accumulates on my floor. Damn!

Letter after letter to be read. And the irony is that when I was working I was only getting $16/mo. in food stamps. Then when I told them I got a job and reported my earnings, I got a letter saying, "due to your change in circumstances we have increased your food stamps to..." and it was much, much, much more. I just can't figure these people out. 6 letters about food stamps in one month with all kinds of technical jargon to read through, and they seem to contradict themselves. I think they're computer generated.

I just can't believe that someone's actually sitting there running this stuff over in his/her mind, even to fill in the blanks of a form letter.

jennikate

Same for me as most of the above posters. I neither love nor hate alcohol. However, I recently had a friend who relapsed and I felt a lot of anger toward alcoholism. I have been freed in that I don't fantasize about drinking and even I could drink moderately, I wouldn't. I'm just done with it.

Midlifecrisis

Thanks for replying guys.