i'm back
Crazy Cat Lady
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
i'm back
hey...i've been away for a while. i become other focused lately and while i've maintained my sobriety, i feel like i've relapsed in my mind. i just don't feel right. i need to get back here and i need to get back to what was working for me. i've missed this place. i feel like i'm in a very dangerous place right now. it's hard for me to admit that i don't have my sh*t together. it's hard to admit that i really need this place. but if this is what i need to be right then that's fine. i'm good with that. i want to be her. i want to be back where i was when i was reading the forums daily and posting daily. i was happier back then. i miss y'all. i miss y'all a lot. i've been stuffing my problems and putting on a brave face when i should have been coming here and sharing what's been going on. i tried to quit smoking Jan 1 and i made it to Jan 3. that's when my car got towed. i found that out when i was about to head out to my psych appointment. instead of coming here and venting i walked to the corner gas station and bought a pack of cigarettes. now i'm hiding my smoking just like i used to hide my drinking. i hate it. i want to be done with it. i just have to throw it out. i have to throw it out and it's not easy but it's never easy. gotta be uncomfortable. hope y'all don't mind me venting here from time to time. i want to come back. i need to come back. SR makes me a better person. i'm back. :ghug3
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Welcome back!!! I always enjoy seeing you on here. SR keeps me motivated as well, I just realized I haven't Ben on for a full 24 hours(just after midnight here). It was a busy day, think this is the longest I have gone without checking in.
Let us know how quitting smoking goes.
Let us know how quitting smoking goes.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: San Diego
Posts: 611
DG - Hello, I've only been posting here for a few months but I really relate to your post. I am coming up on 60 days and already I find the immediate misery and desperation wearing off to reveal a sense of stubborn independence and reluctance to admit when I'm not right in the head. Basically, it's easy for me to ask for and accept help or be part of a recovery community when I'm in the initial sobering up period but as soon as life starts to show up again I kind of drift off. I do it everytime, in fact, and that's why I've never been sober for a solid year. I've had many times where I put 6-9 months together and I'm proud of that because it's progress for an alcoholic and addict like me, but that little voice that tells me I'm fine; I can do it on my own, I don't need meetings or forums or therapy or even friends.... That voice is hard to ignore at times. Perhaps its in our nature to be this way? I don't know. All I know is that the TRUTH is we need each other whether we like it or not. We need support and to have the opportunity to help others too. It's what being clean is all about - restoring our connection to the universe, to spiritual matters, to each other and to ourselves. When I am alone I am vunerable to attack from my own mind. I'm not insane but I am an addict and even in recovery I can't forget it. At least this is my experience.
Congrats on almost having a year, btw! Stay around and thanks again for your post. I look forward to hearing from you more often.
Congrats on almost having a year, btw! Stay around and thanks again for your post. I look forward to hearing from you more often.
Night owl
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Orion spur of the Milky Way galaxy
Posts: 2,050
Originally Posted by BabyJane 
All I know is that the TRUTH is we need each other whether we like it or not. We need support and to have the opportunity to help others too. It's what being clean is all about - restoring our connection to the universe, to spiritual matters, to each other and to ourselves.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: fort wayne, IN.
Posts: 1,085
Hey DG. You were one of the first people I read when I came here back in October. I liked your handle. I am from Alabama and the grits are awful here in yankee land! I am still sober. I will have 3 months come Jan.14. I feel 1000 % better than I did but I am going through some kind identity crisis. Sober thinking has lead me to ask some serious questions about Why I am the way I am. I am so excited to see you posting again. I wondered what happened to you. I need to stop smoking too. I bought one of those electric cigs. It's called Blu. It kind of works but I still smoke the real deal.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 453
Welcome back! I found some great nicotine relapse prevention Here
Nicotine/smoking Relapse Prevention, by Joel Spitzer
It really helps me stay off the smokes.
Nicotine/smoking Relapse Prevention, by Joel Spitzer
It really helps me stay off the smokes.
Crazy Cat Lady
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
hey guys. i got up and got dinner in the slow cooker this morning. corned beef, turnips and cabbage. it's nice because it cooks itself and makes the house smell so lovely! the smokes are driving me mad. i want one so much right now. i'm sitting on my hands. just riding out the craving and being as uncomfortable as i need to be right now. but what really matters is that i'm back here and i'm not outside and being sneaky. it feels a lot better. hope everyone's doing well today. i'm sure looking forward to a lovely dinner tonight! cooking a nice meal always boosts my self esteem.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Really glad you're back DG I've missed your posts.
I was a secret smoker for a long time, hiding it from various people (along with my secret drinking too of course). It was horrible, I felt so awful but I couldn't stop. People who knew what I was doing (just with the smoking mind you) reacted like it was the most evil thing ever. If they only knew the rest of it!
My advice would be to tell whoever you're hiding it from. In a way when I stopped drinking and told my family it was a relief because I didn't have to hide anything anymore. I didn't want people thinking I found quitting easy either. Maybe telling on yourself would lead you to getting more help rather than just being reprimanded.
Look into the Allen Carr books on smoking (it's like AA for smokers, in a book) or something like champix or Ecigs or nicotine replacement (that's what I used in my secret smoking years!). Get yourself the support you need and don't let yourself get caught in that guilt trap.
*Hugs* and enjoy your dinner x
I've missed your posts.I was a secret smoker for a long time, hiding it from various people (along with my secret drinking too of course). It was horrible, I felt so awful but I couldn't stop. People who knew what I was doing (just with the smoking mind you) reacted like it was the most evil thing ever. If they only knew the rest of it!
My advice would be to tell whoever you're hiding it from. In a way when I stopped drinking and told my family it was a relief because I didn't have to hide anything anymore. I didn't want people thinking I found quitting easy either. Maybe telling on yourself would lead you to getting more help rather than just being reprimanded.
Look into the Allen Carr books on smoking (it's like AA for smokers, in a book
) or something like champix or Ecigs or nicotine replacement (that's what I used in my secret smoking years!). Get yourself the support you need and don't let yourself get caught in that guilt trap. *Hugs* and enjoy your dinner
x
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: highland beach, florida
Posts: 649
[QUOTE=DisplacedGRITS;3755898]hey...i've been away for a while. . i want to come back. i need to come back. SR makes me a better person. i'm back. :ghug3[/QUOTE
Edited by TrixMixer for space
.....and it looks like a lot of people are happy to have you back. I am fairly new here but just your AVI makes me feel I know you! I am a Crazy Cat Lady too!
About the cigs--My addiction counselor told me not to even THINK about quiting smokes (3 pack a day habit)until I had a year or two of sobriety. So go easy on yourself, you accomplished a great deal with your sobriety and should be very proud of that. The smokes will come--I was on antidepressants by the time I gave up smokes 2 years after sobriety. I think it helped. Just a thought!
Apparently you have a lot of good friends here so Welcome back to the fold! Welcome Home!
Edited by TrixMixer for space
.....and it looks like a lot of people are happy to have you back. I am fairly new here but just your AVI makes me feel I know you! I am a Crazy Cat Lady too!
About the cigs--My addiction counselor told me not to even THINK about quiting smokes (3 pack a day habit)until I had a year or two of sobriety. So go easy on yourself, you accomplished a great deal with your sobriety and should be very proud of that. The smokes will come--I was on antidepressants by the time I gave up smokes 2 years after sobriety. I think it helped. Just a thought!
Apparently you have a lot of good friends here so Welcome back to the fold! Welcome Home!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
