New (need to Vent)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: REWOOD CITY CA
Posts: 27
New (need to Vent)
I am new to this ACA and was recomended that I take a look at those issues by my girlfriend She is in Alanon and has over a year clean. She has been nothing but supportive however we get into a tiff or something and I go right to the break-up mode. I have said it one to many times. For the past 8 months she has been putting up with my relapsing in and out of recovery. Have not been the most stable person. This is how I came to ACA...... I feel my relapsing could be caused by my ACA issues which I never have looked at. I am not new to recovery but new to ACA. I had over 8 yrs at one point and relapsed..... I have been struggling ever since...... There is a 13 question questionair and I hit them all. Just need to vent full of emotions.....
Hman
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Re: New (need to Vent)
Welcome,
My experience has been this...a character defect is a character defect. I have plenty of them and I work on them sometimes more than others. Regardless of where they come from I still have a responsibility to address them if I want to be happy. I had CD work long before I ever began looking at what the source might be. I come from an alcoholic home but I also have an alcoholic son who blames me for everything...that puts me permanently on the fence.
Anyway I started by writing a life story...I have also written out the high points of what I remember, good and bad. How they made me feel. I have let things surface spontaneously but if I wanted to move quicker I would probably use a counselor.
That list is pretty eye opening...it makes me feel like a puppet who has never fully taken control of my own life. Yuck!!
Hugs,
JT
My experience has been this...a character defect is a character defect. I have plenty of them and I work on them sometimes more than others. Regardless of where they come from I still have a responsibility to address them if I want to be happy. I had CD work long before I ever began looking at what the source might be. I come from an alcoholic home but I also have an alcoholic son who blames me for everything...that puts me permanently on the fence.
Anyway I started by writing a life story...I have also written out the high points of what I remember, good and bad. How they made me feel. I have let things surface spontaneously but if I wanted to move quicker I would probably use a counselor.
That list is pretty eye opening...it makes me feel like a puppet who has never fully taken control of my own life. Yuck!!
Hugs,
JT
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: sacramento,ca
Posts: 9
Re: New (need to Vent)
Hi Hman,
I've been reading some of your posts and I just wanted to tell you that I totally identify!!! I am new to recovery (107 days sober) and am new to this section of the website. I am doing well with my recovery but am realizing how totally crippled I am emotionally with my ACOA issues--they're like a huge cloud looming over me and everything I do!!! I can totally relate to your jumping right to "breakup mode", I am so like that with everything. I am currently suffering because I have lots of skills and a degree, and am trying so hard to break into a "real job" in my field instead of just wasting my time doing sales forever. Opportunities keep coming to me, and for some reason, if challenges arise within the opportunities I am sooooooooo quick to just scrap the whole thing, come up with reasons to trash the whole opportunity, without realizing that I can work with the challenges and patiently move forward with the opportunity--that it came my way for a reason, and that even if the results are not as I had originally intended, the whole experience can be a positive one. My sponsor pointed out this pattern of mine and it is totally an ACOA thing. I have been handling issues this way for a long time, and I'm so sick of it, but it's really hard to un-learn it!!! Anyway I can totally relate, and I'm really grateful for your posts and for this whole forum because it tells us we aren't alone.
Nicole
I've been reading some of your posts and I just wanted to tell you that I totally identify!!! I am new to recovery (107 days sober) and am new to this section of the website. I am doing well with my recovery but am realizing how totally crippled I am emotionally with my ACOA issues--they're like a huge cloud looming over me and everything I do!!! I can totally relate to your jumping right to "breakup mode", I am so like that with everything. I am currently suffering because I have lots of skills and a degree, and am trying so hard to break into a "real job" in my field instead of just wasting my time doing sales forever. Opportunities keep coming to me, and for some reason, if challenges arise within the opportunities I am sooooooooo quick to just scrap the whole thing, come up with reasons to trash the whole opportunity, without realizing that I can work with the challenges and patiently move forward with the opportunity--that it came my way for a reason, and that even if the results are not as I had originally intended, the whole experience can be a positive one. My sponsor pointed out this pattern of mine and it is totally an ACOA thing. I have been handling issues this way for a long time, and I'm so sick of it, but it's really hard to un-learn it!!! Anyway I can totally relate, and I'm really grateful for your posts and for this whole forum because it tells us we aren't alone.
Nicole
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